dolly parton

• Apparently taking a break from that memoir she's writing, Tori Spelling is having a yard sale today and tomorrow.
• Dolly Parton wasn't offended when Jessica Simpson flubbed her song at a her Kennedy Center tribute.
  
• Treat yourself to lunch with Walter Cronkite, or a private after-party with George Clooney. After all, it's for charity.

• At 8, ABC has Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town, followed by new episodes of Big Day, Help Me Help You, and Boston Legal.
• CBS has a repeat NCIS at 8, then a repeat episode of The Unit and The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.
• NBC has a new episode of Friday Night Lights at 8, followed by repeats of Law and Order: CI and Law and Order: SVU.
• There's a new Standoff on FOX at 8, then a repeat House.
• Gilmore Girls is new on The CW at 8. It's followed by a repeat Veronica Mars.
• ABC Family has Once Upon A Christmas at 8.
• AMC is showing Miracle on 34th Street a lot this season (that's a good thing). It's on again at 8.
• At 9, Discovery has a new ep of Dirty Jobs.
• TLC has a new Overhaulin' at 9, followed by a new Miami Ink.
• Also at 9: CMTV has A Smoky Mountain Christmas, with Dolly Parton and Lee Majors.
• At 10, HBO has a new Costas NOW.
• Also at 10: Nip/Tuck airs on FX.

Do they even call them albums anymore? CDs?

American Idol champ runner-up Clay Aiken's third album, A Thousand Different Ways, will be a bunch of classic cover tunes. He'll sing everything from Elton John's "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word" to Mr. Mister's "Broken Wings." Throw in a Dolly Parton song and a bunch of others and you have quite a collection. He'll also have four new songs on the album (CD!)

Um...by the way, is it me or is Clay beginning to look an awful lot like K.D. Lang?

It's always been a dream of mine to take a road trip to Tennessee to visit Graceland and Dollywood -- a white trash pilgrimage of sorts. I don't foresee that happening any time soon, so I'll make do with American Idol's homage to Elvis, and keep my fingers crossed for Dolly's night next season.

Everything about tonight was backwards -- the favorites sorta sucked, and Elliott finally found his moment to shine. My crappy internet connection keeps going out, so enough of the pleasantries...let's do this! 

• At 8, ABC has the Daytime Emmy Awards (Rick Springfield performs).
• CBS has new eps of Ghost Whisperer, Close To Home, and Numb3rs.
• NBC has a new Deal Or No Deal at 8, followed by new eps of Las Vegas and Conviction.
• Over on FOX at 8, it's Austin Powers in Goldmember.
• The WB has new eps of Survival of the Richest, Reba, and Modern Men.
• UPN has a new Smackdown! at 8.
• A&E has a new Biography of Dolly Parton at 8.
• At 8:15, IFC has George Clooney in Solaris.
• Comedy Central has a new Standup Nation with Greg Giraldo at 9, with comics Lewis Black, Paul Gilmartin, Peter Berman, and Becky Pedigo.
• 9pm movies: HBO2 has Catwoman, while STARZ has National Treasure.
• At 9:30, a new ep of Rachael Ray's Tasty Travels finds the cook in St. Louis.
• At 10, ESPN2 has basketball playoffs, with the Spurs vs. the Kings.
• At 10:30, ESPN has the Suns vs. the Lakers.
• Also at 10:30, IFC has a repeat Dinner For Five, with Dennis Farina, Gina Gershon, Ron Livingston, and Faizon Love joining Jon Favreau.

I don't think I've ever anticipated an American Idol theme night more than this. Like many of you, I typically hate the theme nights. It feels like someone stole the song selection book at a karaoke bar, and left only one page for drunken patrons to choose from. But I was excited for tonight --simply because I thought it would suck. I thought it would be a disastrous mess of awkward and uncomfortable song choices and bad Freddie Mercury impressions. And, I was absolutely convinced that Taylor Hicks would wear a fake moustache (a semi-gray fake moustache, of course). But tonight was pretty good. It was entertaining to say the least.

Don't get me wrong. At times, it sucked. But more trying to drink a McDonald's thick shake through a straw suck, than Dyson vacuum suck. There was something very triumphantly sucky about tonight and I loved it.

This is the part of the season where Ryan gets creative with his elimination torture. Seacrest is the master of the long and tedious elimination. I wonder if, when he was in high school, he put his girl(?)friends through the same emotional rollercoaster ride before telling them that they would not be his prom date. Naw, no way. Seacrest was probably too nice a guy, too much of a dork to ask any girl to prom.

I will not put you through that same amount of torture -- Mandisa is out. I'm surprised, but not saddened by it. She was a great performer, but just didn't have enough personality to take her all the way. And what she lacked in personality, she made up for in big booty. Big boobs can get you to the top, but not a big butt. A big butt can only get you to about the middle. (Unless you're riding the coattails of P. Diddy...cough, cough....J.Lo) Plus, with Elliott and Paris joining her in the bottom three, no way was I rooting for Mandisa to stay.

You know who should have been in the bottom three? Kenny Rogers. He just doesn't have it anymore. I could make a lame he needs to "know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em" joke here, but I'm not. Instead, I'm going to abruptly change the subject, and even more abruptly end this post. When is it going to be Dolly Parton night on American Idol? How great would it be to have Dolly Parton on? Her and Kellie could have a calamari giggle-off.