drunk driving

I've got to tell you, every time I hear Tracy Morgan interviewed on a radio show or hear about one of his drunk driving arrests, I start to wonder if his nutty character on 30 Rock, Tracy Jordan, is that far out of reality.

Case in point: Jordan just plead guilty to a misdemeanor drunk driving charge, for which he was arrested on November 28 in New York. The charges will be dismissed if he meets a number of conditions over the next few months, like completing an alcohol program, doing community service, and avoiding being arrested for six months. He was also fined $1000 and had his driver's license suspended for six months. Outside court, he apologized by saying, "Drinking and driving is not cool," which you can just hear spilling out of his mouth in that unique cadence of his. Surprised he didn't say "Yo" and "man" in there somewhere.

Which makes me wonder: does the real Tracy see purple blue men that look like Rachel Dratch when he takes the wrong happy pills, just like the fictional Tracy? I'm not sure I want to find out.

The comedy website Stash Wax has declared war on Lorne Michaels and Saturday Night Live. The site accuses Michaels of ripping off its joke about Mel Gibson's anti-semitic tirade over the summer. In fact, it has sent an official cease and desist order to SNL and NBC to take the spoof off its website.

Stash Wax has links to both its NSFW parody and the SNL one. Stash Wax recut Gibson's trailer for Braveheart back in July when he was arrested for drunk driving. They dubbed over the voices to make it look like a war movie against the Jews. The SNL parody of Gibson was a recut of the Apocalypto trailer to make it look like an extermination of the Jews. I have to admit that I laughed harder at the Apocalypto one. Is it a rip-off? I'm not convinced. I think the Apocalypto trailer was an obvious target for comedians at the time.

Watch the two spoofs and sound off in comments.

[Via TV Tattle]

Rather odd clip at AOL TV, from last night's Jay Leno. Mel Gibson was on the show, to talk about his new movie Apocalypto and, you know, what he's been up to the past few months. It's not the whole interview (maybe NBC.com has it?), but it's a snippet that shows Gibson munching on a big cookie while answering questions about sobriety and healing.

Gibson makes a joke that a security guard at the show told him that if he could walk a straight line he'd get a cookie, but it seems to me like Gibson was trying to do something casual and funny to take a bit of the edge off of the interview and what reaction the audience would have. From the sound of the laughter and applause, from the audience and Leno, it seems like Gibson is back and everything's OK. Wheeeeeeee! (As for the reference to Danny DeVito and George Clooney, I don't think Gibson meant it literally, I think he was making a joke about DeVito's recent appearance on The View and DeVito's drinking with Clooney the night before.)

This might be Mel Gibson's "Hugh Grant moment," going on Leno and making jokes and coming out of it OK. Now, can Michael Richards be far behind?

TMZ.com has a new mug shot of Rip Torn, formerly of The Larry Sanders Show, that is downright hilarious. He was allegedly driving drunk (which is not funny) in New York over the weekend. Rip, with his hair flying to the right and a confused grin on his face, posed for the camera when cops took his mug shot. This is Rip's second arrest for drunk driving. In 2004, he crashed his car into a NYC taxi. Despite his outlandish behavior at the cop shop, Rip was found not guilty.

While it's not quite the caliber of the Nick Nolte mug shot, or as creepy as Michael Jackson's mug, it still gives me a chuckle.

Regis just asked Chevy Chase if tonight's Law and Order episode was based on the Mel Gibson case. First of all, dumb question. Second, Chase said it was kind of inspired by the case.

Right.

Wow, like this wasn't ever going to happen.

Model/reality show star/hotel heiress/"actress" Paris Hilton was arrested early this morning in Hollywood and charged with DUI. Police officers noticed that Hilton was driving erratically and pulled her over at 12:30am.

My favorite part: her spokesman Elliott Mintz says that she "didn't appear intoxicated" and had "only" the legal limit to be considered intoxicated. Oh, that makes it OK then.

The story is a bit misleading in one aspect. It says that she was picked up by "sister Nicky Hilton, boyfriend Kevin Connolly, and Mintz." I'm pretty sure that Connolly (from Entourage) is Nicky Hilton's boyfriend, no? The way it's worded makes it sound like he's Paris' other half.

Drunk driving. It's so hot.

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, who plays Mr. Eko on ABC's Lost, was arrested early Saturday morning in Waikiki, Oahu. Police charged him with disobeying a police officer and driving without a license. He spent six hours in jail before posting $500 bail.

This is the third new cast member to be arrested for traffic violations. Adewale's infractions don't seem as serious as last year's drunken driving arrests of Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros. The two actresses played 'Ana Lucia' and 'Libby' up until the season finale when the writers killed the pair off.

I guess Bernard is next. I'm thinking he'll be busted for indecent exposure. Or hit and run, since there seems to be a traffic theme.

I was circumcised 6 years ago or so, when I was 34. I bring this up for two reasons: 1.) I don't get enough chances to talk about my penis in public, and 2.) I know it can be a very uncomfortable, painful procedure when you're an adult (yes, as a baby too, but at least when you're a baby you don't have to stand up and work and move around as much, and you won't even remember it).

Joy Behar said on The View today that, as a penance, Mel Gibson should be publicly circumcised, to be welcomed into the Jewish community. Sure, that might be just Payback, but I'll ask all the female readers out there, is that really What Women Want?

And I'm not talking about those PSA's he filmed for the L.A.P.D. that are now popping up after his arrest for drunk driving over the weekend, nor am I talking about Lethal Weapon. I'm talking about a couple of episodes of the short-lived ABC sitcom Complete Savages a few years ago. Gibson appeared as an L.A.P.D. officer in funny fake PSAs for the department, talking about motorcycle safety, wearing the right equipment, etc. Gibson produced the sitcom too.

Anyone have those spots on tape or DVD and can upload them to YouTube?

John Ventimiglia, the actor who plays chef Artie Bucco on The Sopranos, made a plea deal that keeps him out of prison for drunk driving and drug possession charges. Ventimiglia will plead guilty to drunk driving, for an incident on May 1 near Brooklyn where cops saw his car weaving on the road. As part of the deal, Ventimiglia will undergo regular substance abuse testing and a drug abuse program, as well as lecture high school students on the evils of alcohol.

This is getting really hard to follow, but I'll try to explain it.

First, the ex-Lost star was arrested in Hawaii for drunk driving. Then she decided to go to jail instead of performing community service. She was released after 5 days. Then, the judge sent her back to jail for 60 days because that arrest had violated the probation of an earlier arrest in Los Angeles. Now Rodriguez is out of jail again. Total time spent of that 60 day sentence: about 4 1/2 hours.

The reason this time: "overcrowding."

[via Defamer]

Oh, Michelle Rodriguez is not having a good year.

Just a short time after being released from jail for drunk driving, the ex-Lost star is back in jail! Seems that drunk driving arrest violated her probation on another arrest a few years ago in Los Angeles. So now she's behind bars again, and this time she's going to spend 60 days there. She's also getting community service, alcohol education, and she'll have to talk with Mothers Against Drunk Driving and L.A.'s morgue service. All the things she wanted to avoid when she took the jail time before.

The more we hear about this, the more I begin to suspect she really was written off Lost for reasons other than "plot."

Michelle Rodriguez doesn't want to do community service.

Yup, the Lost actress has pleaded guilty in her drunk driving case and has actually chosen the fine and five days in jail rather than perform 240 hours of community service. She is going to surrender to authorities in Hawaii at the end of today.

Maybe she should spend five days in the hatch?

The Smoking Gun strikes again! They've gotten their hands on an e-mail that an ABC executive sent out to all the ABC affiliates. It details the type of people that the network is looking for to feature on their Extreme Makeover show. It shows they're really in the market for:

• Kids with "old man's disease"
• Drunk driving victims
• ALS sufferers
• Victims of home invasions
• Amazing people with skin cancer

It also shows that you probably shouldn't use exclamation points too much, especially when you're talking about death and/or tragedy.

Well, looks like Luke Duke, otherwise known to you cityfolk as actor Tom Wopat, has got himself into a heaping hunk of trouble, and there ain't no Bo or Daisy Duke to help him out of this pig slop.

Turns out Mr. Wopat, who played the dashing Luke Duke on The Dukes of Hazzard from 1979-1985, faces a charge of Driving While Intoxicated (DWI) from the fine police of Ringwood, New Jersey. Seems that Tom was pulled from his Ford Bronco Wednesday night (the General Lee was in the shop; too many jumps over the ravine) after hitting some orange traffic cones and nearly slamming into a Ringwood police car. He was charged with the DWI, and one count of reckless driving, then released into the custody of his girlfriend.

Uncle Jesse, Luke could sure use some of that southern-fried advice right about now.