drunk

When celebrity news happens, South Park is ready! We all saw them make fun of Tom Cruise last year but now Comedy Central is digging up an older episode to go along with this whole Mel Gibson thing. On Wednesday, the network will air 2004's The Passion of the Jew, which poked fun at Mel Gibson back when The Passion of the Christ was all the rage. In it, Mel acts crazy and Cartman's actions suggest that Mel may be an anti-semite.

Coincidentally, the network also published full-page ads that show the Park kids in front of a celebrity Scientology center and says, "C'mon, Jews... show them who really runs Hollywood." It has nothing to do with Gibson, and everything to do with that infamous Tom Cruise/Trapped in the Closet episode that has been nominated for an Emmy.

(S06E11) This episode has a great opening scene at Moe's. The gang decides to play a few pranks on Moe, so Lenny puts a cobra in the cash register that bites Moe several times and Barney hits Moe with a flame that shoots from a flower on his lapel. Moe actually laughs these pranks off, but when Homer unscrews the lid to the sugar and it gets on the bar, Moe gets so angry he bans Homer from the bar. As a final insult, he even takes Homer's favorite record out of the jukebox ("It's Rainin' Men").

Homer tries some other bars, and finally ends up at an all-female bar that doesn't seem quite right to him. Finally, he figures it out: "This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit!"'

12 oz. Mouse, Adult Swim's cartoon about a poorly-drawn drunken mouse and his adventures with various pieces of clip art is coming back for a second season. The season kicks off on September 17, though as of this writing the actually airtime is unspecified. Quite honestly, I never knew what to make of 12 oz. Mouse. Some programs I love, others I hate, and then there are those like 12 oz. Mouse I could just never form a definite opinion on. I dug the humor just fine, but found the pacing to be too slow to my liking, and the minimalist quality of the show, which I would normally find endearing, just didn't turn me on. Is anyone out there excited about this show coming back?

Current America's Got Talent judge/former professional lifeguard David Hasselhoff reportedly caused quite a scene at the Wimbledon Championships near London the other day. According to the London Sun, Hasselhoff was "steaming drunk" and had more than one run in with security there. His arm was in a sling (probably from that bizarre shaving/chandelier accident last week), and when they refused to let him in he reportedly screamed "You should let me in. Do you know who I am? I'm the Hoff!"

Oh, man, that is awesome if it's true. I mean, calling yourself the Hoff? Isn't that a no-no, calling yourself by your own nickname, out loud like that?

He finally got into the match he wanted to see. If anyone has video of this incident, could you please upload it to YouTube? Thank you.

Update: Wimbledon officials are denying it happened.

(S01E03) I don't think there was ever a bad episode of Strangers with Candy, but if someone were to put a gun to my head and force me to name my least favorite episode, it would probably be this one. I think my main problem with it was actor Jacob Pitts, who plays "Craig Snow" in this episode. While I'm sure Pitts is a fine actor in his own right, he didn't seem to jibe with the cast the way their other guest stars tend to do. Strangers exists in its own weird universe, and one of the great things about the series is that everyone who is in it, whether it be the main characters or side characters, understands the pacing and rhythm, and their performances are pitch perfect. However, like any great jazz combo, you toss in one mediocre trombone player and everything starts to seem a little off.

Somewhere in the Bible, I believe it's in the Book of Matthew, is a line which states quite clearly that every man, at some point in his life, must attack and kill a Christmas tree. Most people aren't aware of this, but most people aren't as pious as Kiefer Sutherland, who came face to face with his destiny while filming a SkyOne documentary called I Trust You to Kill Me. Clearly, no fake tree adorned with ornaments and lights can withstand the awesome drunken power of our man Kiefer. Check out the clip after the jump:

(S01E09)

Dad: You need to start behaving like more of an adult around here.

Orel: But dad, I'm only twelve.

Dad: That's no excuse. Why your own personal hero, Jesus, was very mature at your age.

Orel: He was?

Dad: Of course. At twelve he was already busy proving the Jews wrong.

Michelle Rodriguez, aka 'Ana Lucia' on Lost, was freed from a Honolulu women's jail on Friday. She spent most of this week there after pleading guilty to drunk driving charges. Rodriguez opted for the jail time, rather than 240 hours of community service because, she said, autograph hounds would hassle her if she did work hours. Did she mean 'taunt'? The warden of the women's prison said she watched TV and read during her stay.

Now, she went to jail on Tuesday. And she got out on Friday. If you're doing the math and wondering how that equals five days... stop counting on your fingers, because it doesn't. Honolulu police waived one day of incarceration for time already served. She was held in custody for a bit when she was originally arrested back in December and, apparently, that counted as one day served.

Next up for Michelle is a movie called Grapefruit Moon and (possibly) another season on Lost.