elliott yamin

In what can only be described as the most upsetting moment in my musical/variety/game show existence, Chris Daughtry has been eliminated from American Idol. This is a disaster! I am angry pissed. I am absolutely at a loss for words. I know it's only a TV show and I shouldn't be so upset by it, but I am. It wasn't his time to go. He should have won. He was my next American Idol.

And I hate the way that it happened. It all happened too fast; it didn't even seem real. Ryan paired Elliott and Taylor together, then Katharine and Chris. Elliott and Taylor were safe. And then ... then ... then ... before I could even register what was going on, Seacrest half-ass mumbles, "Chris, a lot of people thought you'd be the next American Idol, but you're going home tonight." It was horribly shocking, and not in the good way that Lost is shocking. This is bull crap. This is a big pile of crap. This is a big pile of crap, piled on top of more crap, and Ryan Seacrest is on top of that pile of crap. It should have been Elliott for his weeks and weeks of not bringing it. Or, if we are going by an isolated bad night, then it should have been Katharine. But Chris? No, not Chris. It wasn't his time. It wasn't his time. It wasn't his time!

It's always been a dream of mine to take a road trip to Tennessee to visit Graceland and Dollywood -- a white trash pilgrimage of sorts. I don't foresee that happening any time soon, so I'll make do with American Idol's homage to Elvis, and keep my fingers crossed for Dolly's night next season.

Everything about tonight was backwards -- the favorites sorta sucked, and Elliott finally found his moment to shine. My crappy internet connection keeps going out, so enough of the pleasantries...let's do this! 

Here's my theory -- if Paris would've dropped a big wet smoocher on Seacrest while he was trailing her with that battery pack, then she wouldn't have gone home tonight. It would have been the perfect climatic moment during her performance of Prince's "Kiss," and God (being a huge Idol fan, and understanding the ironic nature of the moment) would have shifted some votes away from Elliott and given them to poor Paris. But alas, that didn't happen and Paris is going home, and Elliott (her partner in the bottom two) has survived another week.

Paris' wardrobe choices? Silly. Paula's jewelry? Weird. Taylor's dance moves? Silly weird. Another great night to be an American Idol fanatic! And when I say "great," I mean "freaking bizarre!" As far as musical talent goes, this was no musical standards/Rod Stewart needs a plug night.

But tonight was completely entertaining.

You know what they didn't have a lot of back in the old days? Lyrics. Yeah, I know that the lyrics of most modern songs kind of suck. But never before did I realize how many times the chorus is repeated in older songs. It had to be you. It had to be you. It had to be you. But they are beautiful songs. But the outfits were ugly.

Not Rod, of course. He always looks sexy in his skinny, high-water suits. But Chris...

This week's Results Show should have been renamed Make Everybody's Parents Cry Show because that's what it was. I was actually confused at first -- why were the contestants crying at their parents videos? It's not like they are on Survivor and don't get to see them every week. Heck, half of their parents are in the audience every night. They probably see their family more than I get to see mine. Then, I thought maybe they were crying at hearing their parents say such nice things about them. But that doesn't make sense because parents always gush over their kids. Even when their kids sorta suck. Then, I realized that they were crying because they are all physically and mentally exhausted. They are crying 'cause they just want to go home...but not really.

But Bucky is going home. I think that he's a great guy, but no way was he ever going to become the next American Idol. So, I don't really shed too many tears for Bucky. Ace and Elliott were the other two at the bottom. But what was weird about tonight was that I honestly think Ace was convinced that he was going home. Absolutely convinced of it. And, I was a little bit worried when Elliott was brought into the bottom three and asked to sing on the spot. For a moment, I thought that it was going to be some sort of wacky Idol trick where they just eliminated him on the spot. Luckily, they just had an hour of television to kill.

Next week, Rod Stewart takes over. Notify your moms and aunts, 'cause you know they love him. Love him.

This is the part of the season where Ryan gets creative with his elimination torture. Seacrest is the master of the long and tedious elimination. I wonder if, when he was in high school, he put his girl(?)friends through the same emotional rollercoaster ride before telling them that they would not be his prom date. Naw, no way. Seacrest was probably too nice a guy, too much of a dork to ask any girl to prom.

I will not put you through that same amount of torture -- Mandisa is out. I'm surprised, but not saddened by it. She was a great performer, but just didn't have enough personality to take her all the way. And what she lacked in personality, she made up for in big booty. Big boobs can get you to the top, but not a big butt. A big butt can only get you to about the middle. (Unless you're riding the coattails of P. Diddy...cough, cough....J.Lo) Plus, with Elliott and Paris joining her in the bottom three, no way was I rooting for Mandisa to stay.

You know who should have been in the bottom three? Kenny Rogers. He just doesn't have it anymore. I could make a lame he needs to "know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em" joke here, but I'm not. Instead, I'm going to abruptly change the subject, and even more abruptly end this post. When is it going to be Dolly Parton night on American Idol? How great would it be to have Dolly Parton on? Her and Kellie could have a calamari giggle-off.

Well, this was unexpected. I mean, I certainly thought that Ace would land himself in the bottom three eventually, but not during the first week. Yeah, I know -- he wasn't that great last night. But isn't being incredibly attractive enough? I say yes. At this point, I've already made up my mind as to whom I want to win (Chris Daughtry). So I say, let's keep Ace around as eye candy. Taylor? He's not candy. Elliott? He's not even a tootsie roll. We need Ace, so vote for him!

And why was Lisa Tucker part of the loser sandwich? Surely, people liked her better than Bucky. The one thing I love about American Idol is that they turn surprises like this into life lessons for the viewer. Seacrest waves his little finger at us in disgust -- "It's all your fault, America. Remember, you gotta vote or this is what happens." We're trying to vote, Seacrest. We can't get through! It's the 5th hit season...get more phone lines! And while you're getting more phone lines, rent Stevie a real piano. The man is a legend, and you've got him rocking out on a 1980s electric keyboard. I'm surprised they didn't just rent him that giant jumping keyboard from Big. I'm sure Taylor knows how to play one of those.

So Melissa is out. Yawn. I know that some of you really like her, but I never got it. To me, she's the poor man's version of Mariah Carey. The more important question is -- who's voting for Kevin? You jerks.  

Okay, every episode this season we've been "treated" to more and more of Paula's gems. But she really went all out tonight -- cleavage for days. But I'm not sure if it was attractive or repulsive? It looked like two softballs wrapped in gold aluminum foil. I'm pretty sure she did it for Ace's benefit, but I'm not quite sure. It sure as heck wasn't for Kevin Covais. I just don't get that kid.

But speaking of Ace...