emeril

• At 8, ABC has a repeat Ugly Betty, followed by a repeat Grey's Anatomy and a new Men In Trees.
• CBS has a new Survivor at 8, followed by new episodes of CSI and Shark.
• NBC has new eps of My Name Is Earl (one hour), Scrubs, 30 Rock, and ER.
• There are two repeats of 'Til Death at 8 on FOX, then a new ep of The O.C.
• The CW has new episodes of Smallville and Supernatural.
• TV Land has a good Andy Griffith Show at 8, "Andy and the Woman Speeder."
• Also at 8: Food Network has a new "Holiday Dinner" episode of Emeril Live, a repeat holiday episode of Tyler's Ultimate, the All Star Holiday Party special, then Paula's Southern Christmas.
• At 9, Lifetime has the movie Recipe For A Perfect Christmas.
• Hallmark has the movie The Christmas Card at 9, followed by Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus.
• At 10, TBS has the movie Snow Day.
• Now here's a double feature: at 11, HBO has a repeat episode of Real Sex, followed by a behind the scenes look at the movie The Nativity!

• At 8, PBS has a new NOW, followed by a new Washington Week.
• ABC has The Polar Express at 8, followed by a new 20/20.
• CBS has Ice Wars 2006: The USA vs. The World at 8, which is either ice skating or some futuristic video game.
• There's a new 1 vs. 100 on NBC at 8 (with Kevin Federline!), followed by a new, two hour Las Vegas.
• FOX has a new Justice at 8, followed by a new Trading Spouses.
• The CW has a new Smackdown! at 8.
• Food Network has Emeril's "Happy Happy Holidays" show at 8, followed by Christmas in America (with Rachael Ray, who hasn't been on TV enough lately, no) and a new Paula's Party.
• Also at 8: Sci-Fi has a new Doctor Who, then a new Battlestar Galactica.
• At 9, Lifetime has the Christmas movie Noel, with Penelope Cruz and Susan Sarandon.
• TNT has the 2006 NASCAR Nextel Cup Series Awards at 9.
• At 10, Fox Movie Channel has The Three Faces of Eve.

I've never been much a joiner. I wasn't on any sports teams in high school and I don't belong to many clubs or organizations. But I would join The Nancy Grace Fan Club and proudly wear their pin on my lapel before I ever "woo-hooed." (I think I've done it a couple of times in print, but only in a comical way.)

The woo-hoo. It's everywhere. It's not enough that Al Roker is standing in front of a crowd outside of The Today Show, the crowd actually has to do that long "wooooooooo-hoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" every time the camera is even remotely pointed in their direction. The same with the daytime and late night shows. Whether it's The Tonight Show or The View or (especially) Oprah, the crowd goes crazy when the star comes out or a guest comes on. I mean, they even do it on Emeril Live, whenever he throws in garlic or hot stuff. And they applaud on Emeril's show and he has a band, which I think is bizarre too, but that's a whole other rant.

I can't even understand how people do it physically. I can't imagine any situation where I would be puckering my mouth and making this loud "woo-hoo" noise with a bunch of other people, or alone. I would think that a real, deserved "woo-hoo" is a rare thing, and should be used in very few circumstances.

• At 8, ABC has a new Ugly Betty, followed by new episodes of Grey's Anatomy and Men In Trees.
• CBS has a new Survivor at 8, then repeats of CSI and Shark.
• NBC has new episodes of My Name Is Earl, The Office, Scrubs, 30 Rock, and ER.
• There's a new Til Death on FOX at 8, then a repeat ep, then a new ep of The O.C.
• The CW has a repeat Smallville at 8, followed by a repeat Supernatural.
• ABC Family has Santa Claus: The Movie at 8.
• It's cookie night on Food Network: Emeril has some "Holiday Cookie Contest" winners, then you can see All Star Holiday Cookies and Winning Holiday Cookies.
• Also at 8: Bravo has that Madonna concert that aired on NBC a few weeks ago.
• At 9, HGTV has Divine Design Christmas.
• Robert Urich stars in the holiday movie Miracle on the 17th Green, on Lifetime at 9.
• Hallmark has the movie Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus at 9, followed by The Night They Saved Christmas.

• At 7, ABC has a new America's Funniest Home Videos, followed by new episodes of Extreme Makeover, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers & Sisters.
• CBS has a new 60 Minutes at 7, followed by a new episode of The Amazing Race and the movie Candles on Bay Street.
• NBC has a new Football Night In America at 7, then it's the Eagles vs. the Colts.
• There's a repeat Reba on The CW at 7, then a new episode, then a new 7th Heaven and a repeat America's Next Top Model.
• At 8, FOX has a new Simpsons, followed by new eps of American Dad, Family Guy, and The War At Home.
• Emeril cooks up some "Christmas Recipes" on Food Network at 8.
• At 9, Lifetime has the movie Her Sister's Keeper.
• At 10, MSNBC repeats this morning's Meet the Press.
• Food Network has a new Challenge at 10, with teams competing to make the best cakes.
• HBO has a new ep of The Wire at 10, while Showtime has a new Dexter.

• At 7, ABC has a new America's Funniest Home Videos, followed by new episodes of Extreme Makeover, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers & Sisters.
• CBS has a new 60 Minutes at 7, followed by new episodes of The Amazing Race, Cold Case, and Without A Trace.
• NBC has a new Football Night In America at 7, then it's the Chargers vs. the Broncos.
• There's a repeat American Dad on FOX, then a repeat Simpsons, the new eps of Simpsons, American Dad, Family Guy, and The War at Home.
• The CW has two new eps of Reba starting at 7, a new 7th Heaven, then a repeat America's Next Top Model.
• The History Channel has the special Home For The Holidays: The History of Thanksgiving. It's on at 7 too.
• At 8 on Food Network, Emeril Lagasse cooks a "Firehouse Thanksgiving" dinner.
• At 9, TV Guide Channel has Tom & Katie: Inside The Wedding, a roundup of the wedding by a panel of experts. Panel of experts?
• PBS has the conclusion of the Prime Suspect finale at 9.
• At 10, HBO has a new ep of The Wire.
• Also at 10: a new Dexter, on Showtime.

• At 8, ABC has a repeat Grey's Anatomy, followed by new episodes of Men in Trees and 20/20.
• CBS has a new Ghost Whisperer at 8, followed by new episodes of Close to Home and Numb3rs.
• NBC has new eps of 1 vs. 100, Las Vegas, and Law and Order.
• There's a new Vanished on FOX at 8, followed by a new Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy.
• The CW has a new Smackdown! at 8.
• TBS has The Wizard of Oz at 8.
• Food Network has the special Emeril's Thanksgiving with the Troops at 8, followed by Rachael Ray's Thanksgiving in 60 and a new ep of Paula's Party.
• Sci-Fi has a new Doctor Who at 8, followed by a new Battlestar Galactica.
• At 10, Showtime has a new Masters of Horror.
• At 11, HBO has a new Real Time with Bill Maher.

Hey, don't yell at me, that line is from Anthony Bourdain!

It was said at the recent roast for chef and Food Network celeb Mario Batali. It was held at Capitale and served as a benefit for the Food Bank of New York.

Lots of fellow chefs and celebrities were at the event, including Queer Eye For The Straight Guy's Ted Allen ("Mario actually hasn't cooked since 1979 - unless you count freebasing"), comedian Artie Lange ("You look like Kiefer Sutherland after he was stung by bees"), and comedian Nick DiPaolo, who asked "What are you, trying to be the Chris Farley of the Food Network?" Yeah, that pic that accompanies the New York mag piece really is kinda disturbing.

As New York reports, even though Rocco DiSpirito and fellow Food Network star Rachael Ray were not at the roast, a lot of the comics dumped on them too. (As Julia told you earlier, Batali will team up with Ray on Iron Chef America this Sunday as they go up against the team of Bobby Flay and Giada De Laurentiis.)

• At 8, ABC has a new Ugly Betty, followed by a new episode of Grey's Anatomy and then a repeat Desperate Housewives.
• CBS has a new Survivor at 8, then new episodes of CSI and Shark.
• NBC has new eps of My Name Is Earl, The Office, Deal Or No Deal, and ER.
• There's a new 'Ti Death on FOX at 8, then another new ep, then a new ep of The O.C.
• The CW has a new Smallville at 8, then a new Supernatural.
• Food Network has a new Essence of Emeril at 8, with Thanksgiving recipes. It's followed by a new Thanksgiving Tyler's Ultmate and the new special Rachael Ray's Thanksgiving in 60 2, which I assume means this is her second special about Thanksgiving in 60 minutes, not a Thanksgiving meal in 602 minutes.
• At 9, HGTV has a new Divine Design.
• TLC has a new Overhaulin' at 10.
• Also at 10: Showtime has a new ep of The Underground.
• At 10:30, Comedy Central has a new Freak Show.

• At 8, ABC has a new Dancing with the Stars, followed by new episodes of Lost and The Nine.
• CBS has a new Jericho at 8, then new episodes of Criminal Minds and CSI: NY.
• There's a new Biggest Loser on NBC at 8, followed by a new Dateline.
• FOX has new eps of Bones and The O.C.
• The CW has a new America's Next Top Model at 8, then a new One Tree Hill.
• Emeril cooks up some "Soul Food" on Food Network at 8.
• At 9, Discovery has a new Mythbusters.
• Bill Maher talks about the election and more on Larry King Live, at 9 on CNN.
• The Travel Channel has a new Professional Poker Tour at 9, the finale from the Bellagio.
• Sci-Fi has a new episode of Ghost Hunters at 9, followed by a new Sci-Fi Investigates.
• At 10, USA has the new movie Underfunded.
• VH-1 has a new ep of I Pity The Fool at 10.
• HBO has a new Inside the NFL at 10.
• There's a new Top Chef at 10 on Bravo.
• Food Network has a new Good Eats at 10, followed by a new Ham on the Street.
• Also at 10: Comedy Central has a new South Park, followed by a new Drawn Together.

• At 7, FOX has the first game of the World Series.
• At 8, CBS has a new 48 Hours Mystery.
• NBC has a new Dateline at 8, followed by a new Kidnapped and a repeat Law and Order: SVU.
• TLC has two new episodes of Little People, Big World at 8, followed by a new Flip That House.
• HGTV has a new reDesign at 8.
• TNT has American Beauty at 8.
• Emeril tours some "Chelsea Market Bakeries" on a new Emeril Live, at 8 on Food Network.
• If you missed the first ep of Top Chef earlier this week, it's on Bravo at 8.
• At 9, TLC has a new Trading Spaces.
• HGTV has a new Design on a Dime at 9.
• At 10, Food Network has a new Halloween episode of The Secret Life Of...
• After baseball and local news, FOX has a new Talk Show with Spike Feresten.
• At 11:30, NBC has a new Saturday Night Live, with guests John C. Reilly and My Chemical Romance.

• At 8, PBS has a new Nova, followed by a new Frontline.
• ABC has a new, 90 minute Dancing with the Stars, followed by new episodes of Help Me, Help You and Boston Legal.
• CBS has new episodes of NCIS and The Unit, then a repeat Criminal Minds.
• There's a new Friday Night Lights on NBC at 8, followed by new eps of Law and Order: CI and Law and Order: SVU.
• FOX has a baseball playoff game at 8.
• The CW has a new Gilmore Girls at 8, followed by a new Veronica Mars.
• Peter Frampton joins Emeril on Food Network at 8.
• At 9, A&E has a new Dog The Bounty Hunter, followed by a new Inked.
• Also at 9: ESPN has two new episodes of The World Series of Poker.
• At 9:30, Food Network has a new ep of Rachael Ray's Tasty Travels, then a new Road Tasted.
• At 10, FX has a new Nip/Tuck.
• There's a new ECW on Sci-Fi at 10.

• At 7, ABC has a new America's Funniest Home Videos, followed by new episodes of Extreme Makeover, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers & Sisters.
• CBS has a new 60 Minutes at 7, followed by new episodes of The Amazing Race, Cold Case, and Without A Trace.
• NBC has a new Football Night In America, followed by the Steelers vs. the Chargers.
• FOX's lineup is Nanny 911 at 7, then The Rundown, since the Yankees lost last night (ha!)
• The CW has all new eps tonight, starting at 7: Everybody Hates Chris, All Of Us, Girlfriends, and The Game. Oh, there is a repeat after that, America's Next Top Model.
• Jimmy Buffett guests on a new Emeril Live, on the Food Network at 8. It's followed by a new Iron Chef America.
• TBS has a King of Queens marathon all night.
• At 10, HBO has a new episode of The Wire.
• Also at 10: Showtime has a new Dexter.

• At 8, ABC has a new Dancing with the Stars, followed by new episodes of Help Me, Help You and Boston Legal.
• CBS has a new NCIS at 8, followed by a new ep of The Unit and a new Smith.
• NBC has the series premiere of Friday Night Lights at 8, followed by new episodes of Law and Order: CI and Law and Order: SVU.
• FOX has the first baseball playoff game at 8.
• Over at The CW, there's a new Gilmore Girls at 8 and then the season premiere of Veronica Mars.
• PBS has a new Nova at 8, followed by a new Frontline.
• Food Network has a new Emeril Live at 8.
• At 9, Sci-Fi has a new Eureka, followed by a new ECW.
• The two World Series of Poker episodes start at 9 this week, on ESPN.
• A&E has a new Dog The Bounty Hunter at 9.
• At 10, FX has a new Nip/Tuck.
  
• Also at 10: a new Road Tasted on Food Network is in Chicago.

• At 7, CBS has a new 60 Minutes, followed by new episodes of The Amazing Race, Cold Case, and Without A Trace.
• ABC has a new America's Funniest Home Videos at 7, followed by new eps of Extreme Makeover, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers & Sisters.
• NBC has Football Night In America, followed by the Seahawks vs. the Bears.
• FOX has a repeat Simpsons at 7, followed by a repeat 'Til Death, another Simpsons repeat, another 'Til Death repeat (huh?), then a new War At Home.
• The CW has a new Everybody Hates Chris at 7, followed by new eps of All of Us, Girlfriends, and The Game, then a repeat of America's Next Top Model.
• At 8, TLC has the season premiere of Little People, Big World, followed by a new episode.
• Food Network has a new Emeril Live at 8, with everything you wanted to know about shrimp.
• At 9, VH-1 has a new Celebrity Fit Club, followed by a new Flavor Of Love.
• At 10, HBO has a new episode of The Wire.
• Also at 10: Showtime has the series premiere of Dexter.
• At 10:30, MTV has the premiere of House of Carters.