Once again people, I'm forced to ask the question: what the hell is going on here? Is up now down? Has black become white? Did Keith Olbermann just spend an inordinate amount of time and energy in his last "Special Comment" to discussing why Glenn Beck is TV's most "huggable" pundit?

CNN has been looking for ways to prop up their sagging ratings in the never-ending cable news wars by becoming a network that actually just delivers news as opposed to "from-the-hip," unsubstantiated opinions, as long as you don't count their constant monitoring of their viewers' Twitter feeds. Apparently they are so desperate for a format change that they have consulted a former ESPN producer to suggest ways to revamp their style.

The only way a 3D version of ESPN could be cooler is if ESPN aired some kind of awesome competition at the X-Games that involved skateboarders and sharks.

So until some stoned extreme sports team organizer invents "sharkboarding," we'll just have to settle with a three-dimensional Discovery Channel.

The network is teaming with Sony and IMAX to launch its own 3D, 24-hour channel by 2011. It doesn't say exactly what the programming will entail, but expect a lot of giant man-eating animals trying to jump out of your TV and claw their way up the food chain.

If three dimensional television is just a passing fad, then clearly no one told ESPN.

The all sports cable network will implement 3D technology with a new sports channel, set to premiere this year. The first 3D game will be the FIFA World Cup in June.

Would you watch your sports if they were in glorious 3D? If anything, it would make watching soccer tolerable.

The thought of having to sit through another cable network awards show makes my Golden Globes shrivel.

It's nothing but a million-dollar idea for getting some useless ink in what's left of the local papers and making a quick buck off the cell texting charges by getting people to vote for awards that mean nothing. It's the television equivalent of the participation medals you got in elementary school for not dying during the mile run.

Thanks to Samuel L. Jackson's work as the host of the recent ESPY Awards, I will sit through whatever awards show he hosts from now on. I don't care if the National Sewage Treatment Board of America hires him to host their annual "Sewey" awards.