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February 10, 2012
 
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funny quotes

And I Quote: The best lines of the past week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Dec 16th 2006 7:45PM

ho wi met your mother barneyThe TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:
  • "Trust me, Bart. It's better to walk in on both your parents than on just one of them." -- Milhouse to Bart, after he walks in on Homer and Marge having sex, on The Simpsons.
  • "I hate milk. It comes from cow wangs!" -- Nelson, on The Simpsons.
  • "My nose is just overflowing with awesome and I just had to get some of it out." -- Barney, after blowing his nose from a cold, on How I Met Your Mother.
  • "An Indian study has found that condoms designed to meet international size specifications are too big for many Indian men... Which explains why they're always so grumpy when I call for tech support." -- Seth Meyers, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update".

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And I Quote: The best lines of the past two weeks

by Keith McDuffee, posted Dec 2nd 2006 8:46PM

family guyThe TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the past two weeks from TV:
  • "It's like Betty Crocker and Charles Manson had a love child, and he's cooking for me." -- Anthony Bourdain, guest judge on Top Chef
  • "I got a better question for you. What is your sister's cell phone doing on my dead body?" -- Gibbs to McGee on NCIS
  • "If you have sex, your penis will fall off and land in another dimension populated entirely by dogs, who will eat it." -- Peter reading from a safe sex pamphlet on Family Guy
  • "They shake their booties and my thingy gets excited!" -- The Blizzard Man (Andy Samberg) freestyling on Saturday Night Live

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And I Quote: The best lines of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Nov 4th 2006 12:09PM

joy from earlThe TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:
  • "Word in the conspiracy mill is she's out having my love child." -- Det. John Munch explaining Det. Olivia Benson's absence on Law & Order: SVU.
  • "You brought me back to life. Don't think you're not going to pay for that." -- Randall, to brother Lucas, on The Nine.
  • Eden: "He claims he can fly, but I don't have information ... Also there may have been an encounter with somebody who can stop time."
    Horn-Rim Glasses Guy: "Really? That's cool." -- on Heroes.
  • "You're not getting in this dress." -- Alan Shore to Denny Crane on Boston Legal.

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And I Quote: The best lines of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Oct 28th 2006 10:35PM

hiroThe TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:
  • "Miss Hasselbeck, perhaps best known for her work as a mime on the show The View, told the grown-ups on that program that she was outraged by the name of one of Law & Order's special victims, Elizabeth Hassenback." -- Keith Olbermann, during his Keeping Tabs segment on Countdown.
  • Hiro: "We got beat up because you made us cheat at gambling. Using my powers for personal gain. That's the Dark Side."
    Ando: "Not being broke is the Dark Side?" -- Heroes.
  • "Wow! You are really screwed!" -- What Bob says when personal trainer / weight-loss coach Bob Harper on The Biggest Loser learns that Erik has lost a challenge and will have to workout three days without Bob's help.

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And I Quote: The best lines of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Oct 8th 2006 8:59PM

south parkThe TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:
  • "Looks like you're about to get pwned." -- Cartman's World of Warcraft character to his next victim, on South Park.
  • Marlo: "That's my money."
    Omar: "Man, many ain't got no owners. Only spenders." -- Marlo, being robbed by Omar, on The Wire.
  • "If you're the exterminator, why are you wearing a gun holster?" -- Eden on Heroes.
  • "This is the best team ever!" -- New trainer Kim to her first team ever, on The Biggest Loser.
  • First Woman (black goop on her hand): "What's this black stuff?"
    Second Woman: "That used to be Denver." - Jericho
  • "Hey, you got yourself a fish biscuit!" -- Mr. Friendly to Sawyer, who figured out the reward system in his cage on Lost.
  • "When you escaped from the Krytonian 'land of the lost' I bet you didn't think that you'd be rewarded by having to save Lex Luthor while battling a raging head-cold, huh?" -- Chloe to Clark on Smallville.
  • Marina: "You're really gonna put a child who's just lost his mother on the stand and then pull him apart?"
    Stark: "That's exactly what I'm gonna do." -- Shark.
  • "Gettin' struck by lightning...it ain't fun." -- Ash on Supernatural.
  • "It's a booby trap!" Marin Frist, on Men in Trees, after tripping over her bra.

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