gameshows

Game show fanatics will be pleased to learn that network game shows are returning to daytime television. Finally, people who take actual sick days will have something else to look forward to other than another mind-bending dose of NyQuil.

CBS has confirmed they are replacing the outgoing Guiding Light with a remake of the classic Let's Make a Deal.

The ex-Tiffany network has already shot a test pilot of the updated show with smiling crooner Wayne Brady in the host's chair. Brady hasn't officially won the job, but he's the front-running favorite. CBS executives are expected to make Brady's deal official later today at the Television Critics Association hoedown, unless, of course, he chooses to go for what's behind Door Number Two. Don't do it Wayne! It's just a lifetime supply of goat feed!

Oh my God. Maybe the Unabomber was right, about how technology could weaken humanity and destroy us all. Not about sending bombs in the mail. That was and always will be a big no-no.

IBM is developing a new computer system that can compete on TV's Jeopardy! by digesting the show's questions, buzzing in and answering in the famous question format.

The system is being developed in the same vein as "Deep Blue," the computer that defeated chess champion Gary Kasparov. The Jeopardy! system nicknamed "Watson" is part of IBM's ongoing attempt to overtake humanity by whooping humanity's ass at their own games. An IBM spokesman estimated humanity's spirit will finally be broken when they perfect a computer system that can beat the world's greatest Chutes and Ladders player.

Now that Guiding Light is destined to become another sad memory of lonely housewives nationwide, CBS is hoping an old daytime tradition will pull them away from their housework.

And for those of you now engulfed in hate flame who've found the fuel to write some snide comment about my Mad Men-ish view of soap opera viewers and women, please calm the #*$& down. One, I realize this is not the 1950s and women don't all strive to stay at home barefoot and pregnant. And two, who the hell else watches soap operas? Only male hair salon stylists and hospital patients who don't have the physical ability or cognitive capacity to operate a bed remote.

I hope this means more game shows are on the way.

There are some forces in the universe that should never be messed with: the sun, black holes and Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek. Take it from someone who knows.

The man has the unholy ability to make ANYONE look stupid on national television. He can make an Ivy League PhD appear as though he went to city college. He can turn a Midwestern elementary school teacher into someone no parent would entrust their child with for eight hours a day. His trademark "Oh, sorry" alone can make a world renowned neurosurgeon look like a jabbering mental patient who doesn't know the name of the bone that houses the human brain.

So it's no wonder that politicians are scared to be seen in the same camera shot with the man.

Since the reality television boom isn't going to end anytime soon, this could be a lucrative career path for the up-and-coming toddler who likes to ham it up with a microphone. After all, in this time of economic woes, what could be a better goal than glam, glitz, red carpets, and Emmy awards?

The reality show genre encompasses the gamut from talent contests to living in the jungle to living in a house with insufferable drones and drama queens and beyond. As a result, the hosts for these shows are going to be a varied lot, as well. Who are these people? How did they get where they are? And, more importantly ... what do I think of them? Read on.

The hours of preparation have been grueling. The amount of studying has been tedious and boring. The sacrifice required to reach this moment has been great and punishing. I didn't shower for two days and the smell almost set off the fire alarm in some of the smaller rooms.

Now the only weapons I have at my disposal are my nimble fingers, my rapid comprehension and my ability to remember everything I've read in the span of four days. We're about to go head-to-head with the razor-toothed man eater that is the Jeopardy! contestant test.

We're gonna need a bigger brain.

It's more than a little ironic (or tragic, depending on how much you give a rat's ass) that the most successful game show in the history of American television has never had a truly worthy home game. One worthy enough to give to loser contestants so they can win against their own friends and family at home because God is a cruel comedian.

Seriously, God should get his own Mark Twain Prize.

Now after more than 35 years on the air, there is such a game: The Price is Right video game. And it's so well done and fun that it could crush the soul of a 300-pound linebacker from Obetz, Ohio who lost out on his chance to be the only guy in town who owns a Chrysler Crossfire.

If you've ever wanted to be a contestant on the legendary Jeopardy!, then get in line. It starts behind me. I already called dibs and stamped it.

Jeopardy! will conduct national online contestant tests this week on their official website. The tests will take place by timezone: Tuesday at 8 p.m. Eastern for people on the East Coast, Wednesday at 8 p.m. Central and 7 p.m. Mountain for residents in those time zones and Thursday at 8 p.m. for Pacific Coast, Alaska and Hawaii viewers.

As part of this annual game show tradition, I, your humble (not-so-much) TVSquad blogger Danny Gallagher, will also be one of the many, many people trying out for the most hallowed game show in the history of American broadcasting. And as always, you get to come along for the ride. Please keep all hands and arms inside the vehicle until my ego comes to a complete stop.

As far as we can tell, here are the responsibilities for hosting Deal Or No Deal:

1. Repeat the painfully obvious rules of the game over and over and over.

2. Loudly announce the names of pretty ladies holding suitcases.

3. Pretend that a game requiring absolutely no skills whatsoever requires skills when choosing numbers in a logically devoid random order.

4. Convince fully-grown adults that you're not pretend-talking on the phone to a villainous, money-hungry banker.

5. Never ever touch the palm of another human being.

From 1986 through 2004, there was a popular English game show called Catch Phrase (we had a version in America, but like tea drinking and civility, we ditched it after only a very brief run). Here's how the bonus game on the show worked: nine blocks covered up a short video snippet. The blocks were removed randomly and the first contestant to correctly guess what phrase was being represented by the video won some British prize (like a top hat or a subcontinent or something).

In the following video, the randomized blocks' perfect placement over the animation combines with the dirty-minded twelve-year-old that lives inside all of us to hilarious effect. Every time a block is removed, the animation just looks more and more filthy. Even better is the reaction of the contestants and the host, who, about ten seconds in, decide to abandon any hope of getting through the animation without losing their minds with laughter. The video after the jump.

[Via DIGG]

Hey, Brigitte here with TV Squad Daily. I'll be covering the TV stories I find interesting each day, Monday through Friday, in this video blog.

Today on TV Squad Daily:

• The tradition continues: New Year's Eve means Dick Clark.
  
• There's a new quiz show coming, from the maker of Who Wants to be a Millionaire.
  

The video's embedded below, or you can subscribe to this podcast via our feed. Plus, you can also download the file directly.

Welcome to Subtle Subtitles. For those of you who are uninitiated to the purpose of this feature, we're asking you to come up with your funniest quote or description for what's going on in the screen grab we choose for the week. Winners are announced in the following Friday's contest.

1st place to Chris:

2nd place to Bus: "After this incident, Larry was still only the second biggest pimp at the comic book convention. The first being Josh Livingston who tripped and felt Princess Leia's boob back in 83'."
3rd place to ac: "Don't worry Wonder Woman the room is sealed. Catwoman will never be able to get in."
to Chris: "Boy the Legion of Doom is looking great this year Show Girl"

This week, a scene with Tony Hawk on Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? ...

With the popularity of shows like Deal or No Deal and Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader it has become clear that the days of Ken Jennings are over. It is no longer necessary to be educated to be on a gameshow. All you need is a personality or at least the appearance of one.

Time was, ratings for a gameshow spiked considerably whenever someone got on a winning streak. Now all producers have to do is manufacture a load of tension and viewers become glued to the set, even when the tension stems from whether or not they should open a briefcase.

Now, I am the first to admit that I love seeing idiots blow their big chance on a gameshow. One of the best parts of Beat the Geeks was being able to laugh out loud when a contestant missed an easy question, but some of these contestants are so stupid that I can't see how they even made it on the show in the first place.

What made me think of this is the news that the Today Show is expanding to a fourth hour in September.

Yeah, that's exactly what's missing from my TV schedule: another hour of Today. Hey, let's add three more hours to Good Morning, America. Maybe The View can be an all-day thing, and ABC can show All My Children at 2 in the morning?

To me, Jeopardy! is the quintessential game show. At the end of a game, I walk away with a sense of awe that those three people could truly have the brains to retain such an amazing amount of information, then be put in front of millions of people to blurt pieces of it out on demand and faster than two other people -- in the form of a question, to boot. I'd often wonder how one could possibly prepare to be faced with that kind of pressure and what kind of unfathomable studying one would have to do to qualify for that show, never mind actually win. Several times.

Jane Espenson, who as some of you know has been extremely courteous enough to give her insights into her recent writings for Battlestar Galactica, sent me a copy of a book that opened my mind to the world of one very successful contestant on the greatest game show in the world, Bob Harris. That book is Prisoner of Trebekistan.