If you had plans to screw Paris Hilton, you'll have to put those on the back burner for the time being because the hotel heiress apparently plans to give up the horizontal hokey pokey for one year. I commend Paris on her decision, for I too have obstained from sex in the past, just never by choice. She claims she wants to "rediscover" herself and that one-night stands aren't really her thing. She further states, "Guys want you more if you don't just hand it to them on a platter." Well, yeah, or they just move to another part of the "restaurant" where it actually is being served to them on a platter. Perhaps this is the first step to a new Paris? Is our party girl finally going to settle down? I hope she decides in the next three minutes because that's about how much longer I'm going to care.

[via Dave Barry]

Proving that she really does have a one-word vocabulary, Paris Hilton told reporters that her upcoming album is "hot". I believe that's also how she described Brazillian men, her t-shirt, her dog, and just about everything else under the sun. So... there's your benchmark.

Paris is prepared for a barrage of criticism when her album finally comes out (it was supposed to be in August but now there's no official date), but she says she sounds good and people will be surprised. You know what would surprise me? If she just drifted off into obscurity.