hemky madera

(S05E13) "Women are strong ... until they fall apart." - Nancy

It was zingers like the above quote that filled the season five finale of Weeds. I'm sure there were more, but I dozed off about three minutes into the show. Honestly, I'll check out the first few eps of next season, but at this point, I'm not committed to reviewing the entire season. It's no fun for me, and certainly no fun for you guys, if I'm covering a show I'm just not into. I really hope it improves enough to make me giddy, but I'm not holding my breath.

Nothing about this episode grabbed me, and for that, I'm sad. From the massage therapist that Pilar sent for Nancy ("Don't make me sit on you") to Doug's lame one-liners ("Wanna lick my crystal balls?"), it just wasn't there. I expect a season finale to be filled with eye openers, plot twists, and a fantastic ending that makes me cry that it's over and yearn until the day it starts again. Sorry, it simply wasn't there.

(S05E12) "I could use a little more snakebite on my lips." - Dean

Hmmm ... what to say about this episode? I kept waiting for something to jump out at me. Some fun witticism from Andy or Doug, or anything really. But it just wasn't there. At this point, I'm just glad there's only one episode left, and hopefully, they can do a major reboot and gain back a lot of the viewers who've left. As many of you have commented this season, what's really lacking is any sort of empathy for Nancy. She just seems lost and twisting in the wind.

(S05E11) "If you don't climax, the terrorists win." - Andy to Audra, after the anti-abortionists start throwing stuff through her window

This is probably my least favorite episode of Weeds so far this season. I know some of you haven't been digging this season at all, but I've been hanging in there, holding out hope that it'll end on a high note, and even loving an episode here and there. But aside from a few Andy-isms, I wasn't really feeling this ep much.

(S05E10) "No one is fine around you." - Silas to Nancy

Well, at least Nancy is starting to have some feelings for her sons again. I guess. I'm not alone in my thought that she seems to have lost the motherly gene she had at the beginning of the series. I dunno ... maybe she never had it to begin with. But since hooking up with Esteban, it's gone out the window -- until it slapped her in the face when Shane took a bullet meant for her.

Now she's all hyped up about Silas getting out of dodge and backpacking around Europe. Except she doesn't realize that it's too late for Silas. He's already grown and running his own illegal enterprises -- a skill he picked up from her. I know it's a TV show, but after the childhood these kids have had, they're pretty much ruined as far as having any sort of normal life.

(S05E09) "Night farts happen, especially since I've been dieting." - Andy to Nancy, about sharing a bed

The THINGS you see on Weeds! Sometimes I don't know whether to be amused or shocked, so this week, I chose a little of both. The sight of Andy suckling Nancy to ease the pain of her swollen breasts ... well, that just never would have occurred to me after I had my babies and found myself in that situation.

And I'm standing by my feeling that Andy goes above and beyond what's called for in a brother-in-law. Then again, suckling the breast of the woman you love probably isn't that much of a stretch for him. But swallowing the milk is a whole other story.

(S05E08) "I've come to reclaim my territory, Superfly." - Nancy to Andy, who's turned her room into a 1960s crash pad

First of all, for some reason, I find Alanis Morissette completely annoying as the doctor. I don't know if she's just boring or whether it's because she was mean to Andy: "You're unemployed, you're closer to 40 than 30, you drive a car from a TV show, and your greatest recent accomplishment was beating the upside-down kill screen in Ms. Pacman."

The only upside of her and Andy's date is that it got him to shave that ridiculous Geico caveman beard off. I really appreciate seeing his face again.

I also love the little vignettes at the beginning of each ep with the opening credits. Tonight's featured a file drawer with a "Weeds" file and a "Jenji Kohan" file. I also picked out a "Power of Attorney" file, which came into play later in the episode.

(S05E07) "We have to get the fuck out of here right now. These people bludgeon innocent golfers for sport." - Shane to Nancy

Oh my gosh. There were so many funny scenes and quotes in this episode of Weeds, I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with Shane, who surely is the smartest kid on TV right now. When Nancy had him look up the mysterious woman (Zuzao) in Esteban's life on Wikipedia, Shane's translations were spot on:

• Sole heir to a vast telecommunications company: "media manipulator"
• On the Board of the Mexican Stock Exchange: "inside trader"
• Philanthropist: "tax evader"

I mean, really. I'm not sure how old Shane is -- I'm sure one of you will tell me -- but that's darn smart for a kid of any age.