Host Jon Stewart asked Fiennes for his opinion on who would win in the unlikely event that former GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain went up against Voldemort: "If they were in a sword fight, in your mind, who would be the victor?"
Fiennes pondered this briefly before saucily quipping, "Depends on the length of the wand."
First, he had himself introduced before he'd even arrived -- or intended for his introduction to mean his bus. But the kicker was when he decided to placate his saddened supporters with an inspirational quote. An inspirational quote he selected from a movie ... well, from the closing theme song of the movie.
Then he's observed with obvious glee as his former nemesis, 'Top Gear' host Jeremy Clarkson, has been vilified in the UK for saying on live television that striking workers should be executed.
Now Morgan has called Herman Cain's lawyer, Lin Wood, "shockingly naive." On last night's 'Piers Morgan Tonight' he quizzed Wood about whether, given the number of accusations against him recently, Cain is fit to be President of the United States.
"I'm saying this not just as a supporter, but as a broadcaster," Colbert said. "I need you in the race!"
He went on to say that this is an improvement over previous allegations as it shows he can sustain a consensual long-term relationship. Besides, he's still one affair behind Gingrich, who pundits are saying will be the likely recipient of lapsed Cain supporters. Guess the newer affair story is more important than the old ones.
The ladies of 'The View' (weekdays, syndicated on ABC) tackled the scandal in their 'Hot Topics' segment, and as usual, opinions different around the table. Whoopi Goldberg observed that this latest accusation isn't against the law, and wondered if it was the public's business at all. Sherri Shepherd said it would be hard to trust a man running for president who's been this deceptive in his private life.
David Letterman started off his 'Late Show' (weeknights, 11:35PM ET on CBS) interview with Herman Cain by making fun of himself. "I'm no stranger to sexual scandal," he said, which drew a big chuckle from Cain. But then Letterman got serious about the sexual harassment allegations that have been leveled against Cain by several women, asking him if he would drop out of the race if they were proven true.
"One of two things will happen ... you'll be exonerated just like Justin Bieber ... or they will prevail and there will be somebody else coming forward" with documentation and more evidence. "Now will you resign if that's the case?" he asked.
Cain continued to deny that he had done anything wrong. "Let's be very clear about the allegations that have already been made. The reason that I went front and center in front of the media is that I knew there wasn't anything to it. There's no further documentation has come up. So we have moved on."
Then Letterman got even more incredulous. "So these statement are all false. All of these women are lying. They're all lying. They are all lying," he repeated.
Josh Wolf mentioned how Herman Cain keeps wanting to convince the media that he'd rather focus on talking about the issues than this scandal. But as Wolf points out, "You trying to force a woman to give you a b****** ... is kind of an issue!"
"The day of ... these accussations, we had the highest fundraising day online in the history of this campaign and it has not stopped," he said. "The American people are saying, 'We are sick of gutter politics.'"
"I do view China as a potential military threat," Cain said in the clip. "They've indicated that they're trying to develop nuclear capability."
This immediately terrified Stephen Colbert, especially since they developed nukes in 1964.
It wasn't one of Stewart's more clear ethnic accents, but Trump was incensed and took to the web to rant about it. Stewart got wind of it and decided that Trump was actually in "a unique position" to pass judgment.
And quite frankly, who hasn't been accused of sexual harassment at one point or another in their lives, he argued. He played a clip of Cain being asked if he'd ever been accused of sexual harassment, and Cain responded by turning the question around on the reporter.
Particularly, Cain taking about black walnut flavored ice cream tasting good all the time, and that weird, slow smile he does at the end of his political campaign commercials. Stephen Colbert already challenged him to a slow-smile-off, but now Stewart is speculating that people will be hearing a very different kind of music in their heads when they see that self-satisfied look on his face.
"The idea of a possible presidential race -- two African Americans squaring off against each other -- has to feel like an achievement for people who worked in the civil rights movement," Stewart said.
Sure, Cain seems to be waffling over whether or not we need an electric fence as our border between the US and Mexico, but his 9-9-9 economic plan is sweeping the nation. It's on everyone's tongues, and Colbert ran a quick clip of just how many people are saying it.
The clip ended with Adolf Hitler shouting "Nein! Nein! Nein!" While Colbert saw this as an indication that Cain thought Hitler had some good ideas, the translation would seem to indicate being against the plan completely!
In talking about GOP candidate Herman Cain, who shot to the top in a tie with Mitt Romney in the latest polls, she kept referring to him as 'Herb' Cain. "Herb Cain," she said. "He came from a working class family."
"Yes, Herb Cain is from a working class family," Colbert agreed. "I wonder where Herman Cain comes from? Someone should really ask Sandra Palin."
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