idol

Anna Johns asks a very important question -- with Chris gone, does anybody still care about American Idol? My answer is yes and no. Chris was my number one dude, and I'm destroyed that he's gone. The thrill of the game has left me. I no longer feel the shrill of excitement every Tuesday when Chris takes the stage. I am now filled with blood lust, and I thirst for the demise of Elliott. I don't blame America for Chris' untimely elimination. I blame Elliott. I'm not exactly sure why, but somehow he is at fault. It's certainly not me. Taylor deserves to be in the finale, and so did Chris. Katharine? Eh, I guess. Elliott? Not so much.

With Chris gone, I have a new reason to watch Idol. I want Taylor to destroy them. Destroy them all. When we first met Taylor, he seemed the most unlikely candidate for American Idol. He's got gray hair. He's kinda tubby. And he looks like he's taking a dump when when he sings. This whole season has been absurd, so why not end it with a fireworks display of absurdity. I want Elliott and Katharine to be buried alive under the avalanche of votes that Taylor will receive. I want every man, woman, and child to vote for Taylor. I want more Americans to vote for Taylor then there are actually in America. I want Mexicans to illegally swarm over the border like locusts, with their Cingular Wireless phones in hand, just so they can vote for Taylor. I want him to destroy those other two. I want Taylor to rise from Chris' fallen ashes and pour acid rain all over Elliott and Katharine. I know that being bitter over Chris won't bring him back, but it makes me feel a hell of a lot better.  

In what can only be described as the most upsetting moment in my musical/variety/game show existence, Chris Daughtry has been eliminated from American Idol. This is a disaster! I am angry pissed. I am absolutely at a loss for words. I know it's only a TV show and I shouldn't be so upset by it, but I am. It wasn't his time to go. He should have won. He was my next American Idol.

And I hate the way that it happened. It all happened too fast; it didn't even seem real. Ryan paired Elliott and Taylor together, then Katharine and Chris. Elliott and Taylor were safe. And then ... then ... then ... before I could even register what was going on, Seacrest half-ass mumbles, "Chris, a lot of people thought you'd be the next American Idol, but you're going home tonight." It was horribly shocking, and not in the good way that Lost is shocking. This is bull crap. This is a big pile of crap. This is a big pile of crap, piled on top of more crap, and Ryan Seacrest is on top of that pile of crap. It should have been Elliott for his weeks and weeks of not bringing it. Or, if we are going by an isolated bad night, then it should have been Katharine. But Chris? No, not Chris. It wasn't his time. It wasn't his time. It wasn't his time!

It's always been a dream of mine to take a road trip to Tennessee to visit Graceland and Dollywood -- a white trash pilgrimage of sorts. I don't foresee that happening any time soon, so I'll make do with American Idol's homage to Elvis, and keep my fingers crossed for Dolly's night next season.

Everything about tonight was backwards -- the favorites sorta sucked, and Elliott finally found his moment to shine. My crappy internet connection keeps going out, so enough of the pleasantries...let's do this! 

Here's my theory -- if Paris would've dropped a big wet smoocher on Seacrest while he was trailing her with that battery pack, then she wouldn't have gone home tonight. It would have been the perfect climatic moment during her performance of Prince's "Kiss," and God (being a huge Idol fan, and understanding the ironic nature of the moment) would have shifted some votes away from Elliott and given them to poor Paris. But alas, that didn't happen and Paris is going home, and Elliott (her partner in the bottom two) has survived another week.

Paris' wardrobe choices? Silly. Paula's jewelry? Weird. Taylor's dance moves? Silly weird. Another great night to be an American Idol fanatic! And when I say "great," I mean "freaking bizarre!" As far as musical talent goes, this was no musical standards/Rod Stewart needs a plug night.

But tonight was completely entertaining.

I'm not shocked at Ace getting the boot. His number has been up since he couldn't top "Father Figure." (Ugh, that was like the first week, right? And did you notice that Queen was not in his "Bad Day" montage? Ha ha ha!) But Chris in the bottom 3?!?!?! I suppose that America is to blame. We let him down. That's what Paula is going to tell us next Tuesday, I'm sure. But, I guess we are to blame. I didn't vote for Chris last night. I felt sorry for Ace, so I voted for him. It was a sympathy vote that I wish I could take back. I figured that Chris would slip into the bottom 3 at least once (before triumphantly winning this whole thing), but not until a later date. I know this sounds silly, and only confirms my complete absorption into AI addiction, but I felt a little bit nauseas when I saw Chris standing there next to Ace. The mere thought of Chris going home prematurely made me want to throw up. So, that confirms it -- I'm officially a member of Team Chris. I'm pledging my allegiance right now.

You know what they didn't have a lot of back in the old days? Lyrics. Yeah, I know that the lyrics of most modern songs kind of suck. But never before did I realize how many times the chorus is repeated in older songs. It had to be you. It had to be you. It had to be you. But they are beautiful songs. But the outfits were ugly.

Not Rod, of course. He always looks sexy in his skinny, high-water suits. But Chris...

This week's Results Show should have been renamed Make Everybody's Parents Cry Show because that's what it was. I was actually confused at first -- why were the contestants crying at their parents videos? It's not like they are on Survivor and don't get to see them every week. Heck, half of their parents are in the audience every night. They probably see their family more than I get to see mine. Then, I thought maybe they were crying at hearing their parents say such nice things about them. But that doesn't make sense because parents always gush over their kids. Even when their kids sorta suck. Then, I realized that they were crying because they are all physically and mentally exhausted. They are crying 'cause they just want to go home...but not really.

But Bucky is going home. I think that he's a great guy, but no way was he ever going to become the next American Idol. So, I don't really shed too many tears for Bucky. Ace and Elliott were the other two at the bottom. But what was weird about tonight was that I honestly think Ace was convinced that he was going home. Absolutely convinced of it. And, I was a little bit worried when Elliott was brought into the bottom three and asked to sing on the spot. For a moment, I thought that it was going to be some sort of wacky Idol trick where they just eliminated him on the spot. Luckily, they just had an hour of television to kill.

Next week, Rod Stewart takes over. Notify your moms and aunts, 'cause you know they love him. Love him.

I don't think I've ever anticipated an American Idol theme night more than this. Like many of you, I typically hate the theme nights. It feels like someone stole the song selection book at a karaoke bar, and left only one page for drunken patrons to choose from. But I was excited for tonight --simply because I thought it would suck. I thought it would be a disastrous mess of awkward and uncomfortable song choices and bad Freddie Mercury impressions. And, I was absolutely convinced that Taylor Hicks would wear a fake moustache (a semi-gray fake moustache, of course). But tonight was pretty good. It was entertaining to say the least.

Don't get me wrong. At times, it sucked. But more trying to drink a McDonald's thick shake through a straw suck, than Dyson vacuum suck. There was something very triumphantly sucky about tonight and I loved it.

Last night's Idol was one of the liveliest shows in the past few weeks. Not because of the performances, but because of everybody else. First off , Whoopi and Chris Rock? When I first spotted them in the crowd, I rewinded my DVR five times to verify that it was them. On the fourth rewind, I had them pegged as impersonators...and darn good ones. But nope, it was them. How funny is it that Chris Rock & Whoopi show up on country night? They're both huge Kenny Rodgers fans, I'm sure.

And it appears that Ryan (like so many men recently) has gone the way of the beard.  

A few weeks back, I talked a lot of crap about contestants who blamed their poor Hollywood Week performances on being sick. Well, I take it all back. I'm sick with a capital "ICK." I've OD'ed on NyQuil, and (unlike Paula) I think it would be wrong to slur my way through evaluations that include references to moths and salads. So, I apologize in advance for the brief commentary and the lackluster witicisms that are as stale as Ryan's running "Kevin is a stud muffin" gag.

Just like Elliott, I've never been a Fanilow, but...

Paula Abdul is returning to American Idol after successfully fending off allegations that she slept with and helped coach contestant Corey Clark. Yes, we all know that, don't we? Now folks are speculating over whether or not Idol watchers will still stick by Paula's side after this whole fiasco. I think Abdul came out of this more or less squeaky clean, and I doubt the show will suffer at all. As publicist Michael Lavine so nicely put it, "It's an entertainment show and people know that in their core," he said. "Like wrestling, it's not serious sports. It's not Watergate, it's not Monica Lewinsky."