if I did it
Citing sources close to OJ Simpson, Time is reporting that certain publication rights from his book, If I Did It, Here's How it Happened, could revert back to him before next Christmas. That means the book may still see the light of day, somewhere. Several European publishers have expressed an interest in the book, a "fictional" account of how Simpson would have committed the murders he was accused of had he actually done it. If the book ever gets published, here or abroad, Simpson is welcome to use this hypothetical blurb, written in the spirit of the book, based on what I would have said had I actually read it:
In the video that's embedded after the jump, Rock tours the "Trevor Berbick Studio" during the first episode of his old HBO show, creatively titled The Chris Rock Show. He waxes on about how many historic events the studio has seen during the airing of his show, which, of course, was complete bullcrap. Jokes about him firing his white writing staff because they wanted "to get to know the black experience," and about a Wayans family gathering (a picture of a huge rally in Washington) were funny.
But the best part was when he talked about O.J. Simpson coming in to promote his new video. The title? I Didn't Kill My Wife! (But If I DID, Here's How I'd Do It). Wow. Remember, this was in 1997, nine years before OJ and Judith Regan got the bright idea to do an eventually-kiboshed book and TV special called If I Did It, Here's How it Happened. So either Rock is a soothsayer, like I said, or Simpson and Regan owe him a finder's fee for the idea.
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According to the Associated Press (by way of ESPN), the hue and cry over If I Did It, Here's How It Happened has led News Corp. chairman to cancel both the book and TV special planned for next week. In both the book and special, O.J. Simpson would describe how "in theory" he would have killed Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman in 1994. "In theory," by the way, is Latin for "I got away with it and now I can unburden myself for profit, suckers."
Here you go, a bit of humor for your Saturday, or whatever day you happen to be reading this. The comedic minds over at Cracked have come up with some titles for books OJ Simpson might want to write as a follow up to his "hypothetical" book If I Did It, his account of how he would have committed the murders, had he actually done it. My favorite title: 'I Wish I Could Go Back In Time And Not Commit Murder.' That's What I'd Be Saying If I Did It.
There's never any event so tragic that someone, somewhere won't find humor in it, but I always find it interesting how some events seem to require more passing of time before people joke about them, while others are made the subject of humor right away. South Park touched on this with the "Jared has Aides" episode, announcing it was now okay to make fun of AIDS because it had been around for over twenty years. How long until jokes about 9/11 become the norm? It seems weird to think about, but tragedies like the Titanic and the Hindenburg have become punchlines in the modern age, so it seems naive to believe that future generations won't do the same with events from our era.
I think it would do our collective conscience good not to try and figure out why it is OJ Simpson felt it was wise to write a book titled If I Did It, Here's How It Happened. That's like trying to wrap your mind around what happened before the Big Bang: before you know it you've gazed so deeply into your navel that the universe begins to fold in on itself and suddenly you're in limbo chatting with versions of yourself from various parts of time and space. If you want to dive into that particular rabbit hole, go right ahead, but I need to preserve my mind for better things.
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