I get it: TV is supposed to lie to me. I know that the real reason Jared lost all that weight was because Subway sandwiches so destroyed his intestinal tract that he wasn't able to eat like he used to. I know that no guy in the history of America has ordered a Smirnoff Ice at a bar without hating himself a little. I know that despite repeated attempts to prove otherwise, the NHL no longer exists and Vs. isn't even a real TV channel.

But there are some lies not as obvious as these. There are lies more insidious. Lies that don't look like lies. I don't know if TV has an agenda or is just so zombified by institutional groupthink that they've begun to believe these lies themselves, but there's no doubt that they exist and they are subtle. Being the crusading young reporter I am, I dutifully spent the weekend watching television and identifying the five most insidious lies TV expects us to believe.

The list after the jump.