On the Jackassworld website, they have a "feature" called the "AlphaPoo". This is a collection of 26 pictures of... er, human poo... that resembles the alphabet. I don't bring this up because it's clever (in fact, if there is a bright center of clever in the universe, the AlphaPoo is the idea farthest from it); I bring it up because writing this feature about Jackass reminded me of poo. Specifically, poo that you want to come out but won't.

See, almost four weeks ago, I was sent to MTV Studios to cover the 24 hour Jackass "takeover" of the network to celebrate the premiere of Jackassworld. I figured that I would write up a few hundred words the next day and everyone would be happy. Instead, this article has festered in the bowels of my brain for almost a month. Enough is enough. I've taken some mental Metamucil (i.e. Scotch) and I'm just going to let it rip...