jason jones

"The Heart of Hopeness": Barack Obama delivered his acceptance speech the other night, to a stadium full of insanely excited Democrats. John Oliver filed a report live from the site of Obama's speech. Man, John has really been putting himself on the line this week, being incredibly annoying in front of so many overexcited people. I mean, chanting "Osama!" at a massive crowd of Obama lovers is almost a sure to bring about a beating, but he totally lucked out with some relatively mild verbal confrontation. Other great moments included dancing to Jeremiah Wright's "white friends" song and making his move on hot strangers. As we would see later in the episode, it seems like the Democratic National Convention brought out the friskiness in the correspondents.

"Guess Who's Coming to Denver?": The Daily Show is back! They'll be in Denver for the whole Democratic National Convention, workin' their shiny new set. It's pretty much just Jon's "j" desk and a whole lot of big screens hanging in the back. The gang was in full form, and I believe this was the most I've laughed at the show in a while. Perhaps it only feels that way because the show has been gone for a week and a Monday. Thank goodness they returned, because I was starting to get the shakes.

Proving once again that the Daily Show audience is willing to boo at just about anything Bush-related without really thinking about it, they managed to hiss at the mere mention that Bush is now officially our most well-traveled president. Come on, don't make the rest of us look like trained seals too. Anyway, the president tried to beat the rush by heading out to Beijing a few days before the Olympics and was met with -- hey, what a surprise -- protest and a bunch of angry Chinese people with adorably designed anti-Bush signs.

I think I want -- need -- to know what Jon Stewart was talking about with his audience during the Q&A. What was that business about kissing with toothpaste in his mouth? Man, if only fangirls kept track of Jon's Q&A stories as closely as the Stephen Colbert's.

"Indecision 2008": John McCain's getting a lot of attention for his attack ads against Barack Obama. The coverage will never, ever end about the celebrity ad, because people love talking about Paris, Britney, and Barack, no matter how much they deny it. Talk about over-analyzing this nonsense. There's no doubting that race is an issue in this... race, but the media is definitely reading too much into the small stuff.

"Dick Move of the Week": John McCain has been making more news with one of his new attack ads against Barack Obama, in which he calls Obama out for being an attention-seeking celebrity, just like Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. That's not the bad part though. That honor goes to the fact that Paris' parents support McCain and have sent thousands of dollars for his campaign. Smooth move, my man. Smooth move.

Quick news: Alaska's Senator Ted Stevens has been indicted for corruption charges. I knew The Daily Show would use any opportunity to bring out that clip of Stevens screaming, "NO!" I've missed that anger in my life.

Barack Obama recently returned form his trip the Middle East. In the meantime, John McCain has been struggling in the States, dealing with the likes of Schmidt's Sausage Haus and the Dalai Lama. I thought we were done talking about straight guy awkwardness the previous night. McCain looked terribly uncomfortable while the Dalai Lama held his hand. Just look at his other hand, fiddling with his suit pocket. He was probably all sweaty palms and clenched teeth that afternoon.

"It's the Stupid Economy" (or, the slightly more hip "Mos Deficit"): Everyone has their own opinion about the state of America's economy. President Bush recently delivered a speech at the oddly specific time of 10:20 a.m., seemingly to overshadow the Chairman of the Federal Reserve's own speech that was being delivered at the same time. The difference between the two men's words was pretty remarkable. President Bush seemed to think that we're doing all right, which I guess is sort of true, because when you don't have a car or a home, you do get more air and exercise. If you had listened to Chairman Ben Bernanke's speech, on the other hand, you probably had a much darker view, "Wow! One is like a glass half-full kind of guy and the other is an expert on the economy."

We are nearing the end of The Daily Show's two-week hiatus, but I'm suffering from a serious case of the political commentary shakes. In a desperate attempt to curb my withdrawal symptoms, I spent most of July 4th cracking jokes about the FISA Bill, but nobody wanted to hear it and drowned me out with lots of Roman Candles and exploding beer cans. Hopefully, other fans have been coping better than I have, but just in case you aren't, here are a few things to hold you over a few more days.

"George W. Bush: Still President": Despite President Bush's initial refusal to negotiate with baddies, he has decided to take back what he said about North Korea. That's a flip-flop, sir! So, no more Axis of Evil? Just Gaggle of Douchebags? It's more childish phrasing from Bush, just like the magic wand he likes to talk about when facing high oil prices. Oh, and Barack Obama likes to... use... that... too... Great.

"White Stuff on Mars": New discoveries on Mars make room for coke jokes and groantastic puns.

There Will Be Flood"/"Wet Hot American Bummer" (HA!): Much of the Midwest is currently underwater, due to storms, failing levies and acts of not-God. Reporters are already looking for the most dramatic ways to demonstrate the severity of the situation, and President Bush is obviously dreading a visit to the disaster area. Correspondents Jason Jones and Wyatt Cenac reported from a flooded scene, just to dig up some of that dated "George Bush doesn't care about black people" stuff. I guess they had to do it now, as mentioning it in the next night's episode may have been a little weird, what with Mike Meyers being the guest and all. I'm waiting for Wyatt to do his own correspondent field report before I decide how I feel about him. I'm kind of liking his perpetual angry-face, though. And did the audience know for what they were applauding? It sounded like more blind, trained seal clapping.

Jon Stewart kicked off the night with some anger fueled by Mets love. Mets manager Willie Randolph was fired in a rather unceremonious manner. He was all the way on the other side of the country, contacted at 3:00 a.m. and fired by Mr. Met. Sick burn.

"The Gay After": In other news, same-sex marriage is now legal in California, and, somehow, the state is still attached to the rest of the country and it hasn't been engulfed in flames. Hmm, interesting. Some newsworthy couples have tied the knot since this announcement, including George Takei, who married his long-time partner. I just started one of my Summer mini-projects, watching the entire original Star Trek series in preparation for its TV Squad's Retro Squad week, and while I know I'm a newbie Trekkie, I'm pretty sure Takei's name is pronounced "Tek-ayy." It allows for maximum fun in rhyming, "George Takei is gay."

John McCain wasn't the only one to have his medical history thrown into the spotlight. Barack Obama's doctor analyzed his health and released a one-page report on how muscular and lean he is. No, it's not nearly as long-winded nor as sexy as McCain's crazy 1,200 page report.

Still-President Bush (I think I will start referring to him as such, as well) paid a visit to the US Air Force Academy's graduation and had a little fun with some soldiers on this celebratory day. I'm surprised there weren't any MySpace poses in this collection of poses from the day. This would be so much more endearing if there wasn't always that underlying tone of evil in everything he does. I'm just sayin'.

"The Slowdown, Difficult Period, Rough Patch, Difficult Headwind, Tough Time Update": Despite the general air of panic throughout the news media and, like, the nation, President Bush has been working hard to convince everyone that we are not -- NOT -- in a recession. He has a lot of other words for it. On Tuesday, President Bush, wearing his favorite cash-colored tie, addressed Congress on this issue, suggesting they make tax cuts permanent to solve the non-problem. He also seemed to be kind of hung up on some sort of economic magic wand, or rather, the fact that he doesn't have one.

"Festival of Wrights": Apparently, this Reverend Jeremiah Wright controversy will never, ever die. Ever. Old man Wright has been "dominating cable news coverage like he's a missing white girl" (which, incidentally, is my new favorite phrase). Jon's ice cream analogy for the media's desperation and craving for more Wright craziness was not only hilarious, but delicious.

"Land of the Spree": Grand Theft Auto IV was finally released and gun-wielding crazies took the streets in droves and... very politely waited in line in an orderly manner. Senior Virtual Correspondent Aasif Mandvi reported live from Liberty City to giddily talk about the chaos and loss of life throughout the game. There is nothing better than wreaking havoc in a virtual replica of the city you live in, apparently.