john hodgman

Uber-humorist John Hodgman has a wit that hasn't been seen since the likes of Robert Benchley. His uncanny ability to turn his know-it-all prowess and droll delivery into brilliant comedy deserves scientific study.

I'm not saying he needs a complete autopsy. Maybe just a little exploratory brain surgery that doesn't do any permanent damage to the neurons and synapses that allow him to conjure long lists of hobo names and an incredibly detailed history of the American lobster. Trust me, there is a hilarious global warming cure in that noggin somewhere.

So after watching his brilliant and funny performance at the White House Radio and Television Correspondence Dinner (Speaking of which, didn't we just have one? How many of these damn dinners do they need? Are television reporters experiencing a major shortage of grilled chicken?), a lingering but obvious thought occurred. Why does this man not have his own television show?

You know John Hodgman as the PC guy in all of those Mac commercials (or perhaps from The Daily Show). I don't know if he really uses a PC in real life (he could very well be a Mac guy), but I do know that he's a very funny man. Last night he spoke at the Radio and TV Correspondents Dinner, and gave a very clever speech about President Obama, nerds, geeks, jocks, and Star Trek. You can tell Obama genuinely enjoyed the speech.

Yep, I got a Twitter. It's part of my plan to plaster the Internet with links to my must-read blog posts about '90s indie rock and that handsome bastard Neil Patrick Harris (don't ask). Fortunately for you, some clever TV stars also use Twitter for fun and shameless self-promotion.

Here are ten fan-friendly TV celebs worth stalking on Twitter. Unlike that fake Stephen Colbert, these guys are all one-hundred percent, real-life paparazzo magnets.

"George W. Bush: Still President": Despite President Bush's initial refusal to negotiate with baddies, he has decided to take back what he said about North Korea. That's a flip-flop, sir! So, no more Axis of Evil? Just Gaggle of Douchebags? It's more childish phrasing from Bush, just like the magic wand he likes to talk about when facing high oil prices. Oh, and Barack Obama likes to... use... that... too... Great.

Barack Obama only recently got the Democratic nomination and car dealerships are already cashing in on his likeness. Apparently Obama love sells Kia Sorentos like Democratic hotcakes. I know I should have been pretty disgusted or annoyed by seeing that commercial, but all I could think about was how that fellow sounded more like Obama than Fred Armisen's impression on Saturday Night Live. Grumble, grumble.

"Festival of Wrights": Apparently, this Reverend Jeremiah Wright controversy will never, ever die. Ever. Old man Wright has been "dominating cable news coverage like he's a missing white girl" (which, incidentally, is my new favorite phrase). Jon's ice cream analogy for the media's desperation and craving for more Wright craziness was not only hilarious, but delicious.

"Indecision 2008": The other night, ABC hosted the latest Democratic debate between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Charles Gibson and former Bill Clinton aide George Stephanopoulos moderated the event and -- to put it in the most articulate and nicest way possible -- totally sucked. That was probably the worst way to pose a question about a possible ticket team-up to two candidates who are in it to win it. Also, that question about Jeremiah Wright and his love for America made me want to grab Stephanopoulos by the head and make him go back to the Keebler elf factory. Not cool, man. Maybe Dennis Kucinich will set him straight.

Jon still hasn't mentioned it on the show yet, but Comedy Central has started running ads for the second Night of Too Many Stars: An Overbooked Benefit for Autism Education. Jon will be hosting once again, and the list of appearances is looking pretty sweet. Will Arnett, Steve Carell and Conan O'Brien alone are enough to drag me in. The special will be airing on Comedy Central (duh) at 8:00PM EST on April 13, which happens to be the night before the Colbert Report's big Philly adventure kick-off. Sounds like it's going to be a couple of very busy days for Mr. Colbert.

"Indecision 2008:" Mitt Romney passed John McCain and Mike Huckabee for the win in Michigan, that one place that looks like a mitten. Also, "Mitt Romney" in German is "With Romney." Fun Fact courtesy of Mr. Stewart.

On the Democratic side, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, John Edwards and not Dennis Kucinich sat around a table and had a fun discussion. Same hand-holding may have been involved. The media has also been having fun, throwing around the phrase "the gloves are off" in reference to Clinton and Obama's fight for the top. Also, here's some other super-fun news: Wow, race is still a relevant issue? People are spreading false rumors on the Internet? How strange.

The Daily Show correspondents and analysts and very busy and important, so viewers will probably never get a chance to see the everyone show off their comedic chops at the same time. So, pore over this his GQ blog post, because it's probably going to be the closest thing we'll get to a display of their group genius.

In the article, the correspondents share their thoughts on various presidential candidates and some of their strangely hot wives. They also seem to have spent quite a bit of time thinking about the magic weight loss of both Mike Huckabee and Subway's Jared (Samantha Bee: "They've both got one pair of giant pants somewhere in their closet that they pull out every so often: Now three of me can fit in these pants!"). I don't think this is an excerpt from a larger, soon to be in-print piece, but I'm still holding out a little hope.

With the writers strike pulling a black cloud over our collective television set, have you been feeling super-sad? Do you feel lost, without a sense of direction, now that your favorite show has run out of new episodes? Do empty pints of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia and fresh receipts from the video game store litter your home, serving as a constant reminder that you love TV, you breathe TV, and you need TV to fill your life? I certainly hope not, because that would be kind of pathetic.

What's weird is that before the invention of television, there was this thing called "books". People used their eyes, just as they use them for watching television, to "read" these books. Books are hard to come by these days, but if you visit the library, they might have one or two, hidden in the back room. Please note you may have to slip an Alexander Hamilton or wear a low-cut shirt to gain access to the book room. Anyway, books are a great way to escape reality (TV). If you manage to track a few down, why don't you pick up a book or two while the writers strike is in effect? If the idea of straying so far away from television terrifies you, here are some books that aren't too far off point, so you can join in nice and easy.

First of all, Jon Stewart getting fanboyish for anything is precious. Doubly so if it's for The Boss. That "Jon as Courteney Cox" footage was fantastic, even if it was a tad disturbing.

Senior Ottoman Correspondent Aasif Mandvi talked about the situation with Turkey. It looks like Iraq is going to have some (more) company. They managed to work in a "Turkduqen" joke. I'm not sure how, but they did. For that, I will give them a mental slow clap. Oh, by the way, someone recently pointed out to me that Dan Bakkedahl is no longer a correspondent. He's not in the credits any more. I was never particularly fond of him, so I'm not too disappointed, but he left so quietly! It was a bit like Bob Wiltfong's departure, no?

"Banned-Aid": The House and Senate were all like, "Hey, maybe we should tax cigarettes to get poor kids health care" and President Bush was all like, "No, thanks". Also, I get the strange feeling that I'd be more likely to donate to an event called "Big Wheels for Mumia" than the average magazine drive.

Senior Healthcare Analyst John Oliver, dressed as a lovable street urchin, gave us a peek into the life of a scrappy Dickensian London boy. The kind with black lung! It must be the best feeling to get bossman Jon Stewart to laugh like that in the middle of a piece. Oliver was absolutely 'ilarious, especially during that random half-jig.

First of all, a big congratulations to Jon and the whole Daily Show family for their sweet Emmy victory. Secondly, OJ is back, and this time, it's not about a potential book deal. Yeah. Did you just get chills? I know I did.

"That's Al Folks!": FINALLY, some coverage on Alberto Gonazles' resignation. I'm surprised that the program decided to wait so long before covering this news. It's not as if they had some sort of full-episode extravaganza planned for the news (like they did for the Senator Larry Craig scandal). Then again, the awkward Johnny Sutton clip made the wait totally worth it.

"Iraq Me, Dave Petraeus": Ohh, man. It's tough to fail with an "Amadeus" reference, really. Although, weirdly enough, I thought of "Dr. Zaius" from The Simpsons before I thought of the original song by Falco. I suppose breakdancing space apes will always stick out in my mind a little more than other things. The montage comparing the words of Bush and Petraeus was pretty well done. I wonder what poor intern had to dig through the archives for those. Also, I wonder if they included the Iraq-ified MC Escher piece because they were worried people wouldn't get the reference.