jon peter lewis

Oh man, not one, but two celebrity guests tonight. Uh, how were we so lucky? That means a full hour show...

You'd think a ten percent ratings drop from last year would motivate them to keep it simple, but Idol's sixth season is still picking up new fans and continuing to find new ways to keep us entertained -- even when that means morphing into something other than the beloved original format.

I wonder if turning American Idol into a variety show is a good thing? No longer is it only a singing show but also a telethon for the needy, an outlet for songwriters and a place where celebrities go to sell a few CDs and pretend they sing better than the contestants. All they need now is a stand-up comic and a cooking segment.

You might say I had my reservations when they announced a Jennifer Lopez week. Can you blame me? The artist formerly known as J. Lo doesn't exactly have a classic hits catalogue; but having the show billed as a "Latin Night" put me at ease ... a little.

Only a little because having Latin night in English doesn't make any sense. With only Santana's 'Supernatural' and Gloria Estefan's greatest hits to show off their voices, it's no wonder the judges were harping on the kids about how unexciting they were -- except Sanjaya, oddly enough. I think what he got right and the others didn't understand is that if you're going to make the effort to have a night for Latin music, you gotta go all the way.

I didn't see this one coming. I liked Gina and thought Haley was the more forgettable of the two, but I guess looking ominous and singing "Smile" is a bad combo -- and for Haley, being Idol's resident hot chick has more weight than I thought.

This is a strange year. Well, maybe not so strange now that I think about it. TV watchers are no less fickle than the Roman mob. They'll give you the thumbs down just as quickly as they fell in love with you. Voters this year seem to be less devoted to any one person and more prone to dial for their favorite that night.

All the voters except for what's-his-name's -- those guys are freakin' mobilized. I heard them campaigning to keep him going on the radio this morning. Overall they're the minority of voters, I think, but together they're enough to keep him in for a few more weeks. That's pretty funny. Poor Gina, though -- she's probably pissed.

I love Tony Bennett. I wasn't really familiar with his stuff until I had a chance to see him open up for Paul McCartney in Hollywood a year-and-a-half ago. At least, I didn't think I was familiar with his stuff. But, when I heard him sing "Rags to Riches" and "I Left My Heart In San Francisco" I was thinking, "I know these songs ..."

Since then, I see him and the era he represents everywhere I go and wonder how I could not have known before. I mean, they play his stuff in shopping malls, elevators and automated phone systems a thousand times a day. It's obvious those businesses rely on the innate smile-making ability of that era to keep people happy when they'd otherwise go insane.

I said Chris R. and some of you said Chris S. You were right and I was wrong. I guess "denial" ain't just a river in Egypt. (Sorry, I couldn't help it. I'm a sucker for bad puns) What I mean is that I was hoping Hurley would stick around a little longer, and I've been unwilling to admit his declining performance quality. He still may have done enough to have Hasselhoff shed some tears of joy, though.

The good news is that he's number ten. That means he's been getting at least AFTRA scale for the last two weeks and will get to make some loot on tour. An AI "work for hire" isn't exactly winning the Powerball lottery, but mini-bar debts won't be a problem anymore. I love the mini-bar.

Plus, playing arenas for 10-20,000 screaming fans is any singer's dream. It's the kind of opportunity that makes established indie acts loath and despise American Idols. I can't really blame them either. I'd be mad too if I watched someone do in nine months what I still hadn't achieved after years of work.

That lack of infrastructure eventually catches up to the Idols, though. Overnight celebrities are forgotten just as fast as they're made. Just wait, in a couple weeks time when we're still caught up on "When will what's-his-name finally be voted off the show" and "I wonder who will win the diva three-way throw-down," the guy with the curly hair will slip from our minds.

It's amazing what a great set of songs will do for the show. I use the word "great" loosely since most of the songs sung on Idol were chart-toppers at one point or another. I suppose The Police, The Pretenders and The Cure are more the kind of thing that I'd go pay money to see in concert. So, for me, tonight was a good one. Thanks Gwen for having great taste in music.

Musical taste can't save some, though. Just when I thought what's-his-name was finally going away, once again he's found a way to set office break rooms a buzz with his faux-hawk worthy of the West Village on Halloween night --not that there's anything wrong with it. There's a future in freakiness -- just not in singing. Not for him anyway.

Some guy sang some song. What was his name? Oh yeah, it's Peter Noone. Then, some lady, who looked smoking hot for a 60-year-old, sang some unknown song. What was her name again? Had to rewind that one too to remember it was Lulu. Finally Stephanie gets voted off, and I only remember her name because I realized last night that up until then I still had no idea who she was. And that about sums it up for me tonight.

I have a good memory, I swear!

I'm extremely into '60s music. When they started reading off the British band names last night, I got pretty green with envy. I tried so hard to get Van Morrison and Beatles songs cleared for television, but only got shot down time and again. Apparently not much has changed since then, given the fact I didn't recognize any of those songs with the exception of maybe two or three.

Gina, this one's for you. You were almost in tears up there and you mentioned how nasty blogs get you down, so I thought I'd throw you a nice one. I want you to stick around for a while.

Don't become a parody of yourself. Inevitably every year as contestants hear more and more about what people like and dislike about them, they try harder and harder to live up to whatever that is. Then, usually it gets to the point where it's blatantly obvious to the audience, and they stop caring about what made you cool in the first place. I think last year's winner and his low record sales are evidence of that.

Don't trip out; you don't have to try too hard to be a rocker. You already have that vibe, so just sing whatever you have to from week to week and it'll come out. That's about as much rock as Idol will let you have anyway.

How best can I hide my true feelings about results shows? Hmmm. Sarcasm? Again? I think I need to. That choreography was awesome!

The stage movements aren't so bad by themselves really; it's more that the poor contestants weren't chosen for any skills in movement -- and it shows. It always reminds me of what an all-star high school show choir might be like.

So, while trying not to completely disconnect during the medley, I started playing the look-alike game and came up with a few. Tell me if you agree.

In case you were wondering, I think the words were:

"As I look around
I see things remind me
Just to see you smile
Made my heart fill with joy
I'll still recall
All those dreams we shared together
Where did you run to, boy?"

Personally I've never really heard the song and had to look the lyrics up. I've never been much of a Diana Ross fan, and apparently neither was Haley.

Well, if anything was clear after tonight, it was that the girls this season have bigger, stronger and fatter cojones than the guys do. That probably won't stop one of the boys from sticking around long enough to see the top two or three, though. Idol voters have funny ways of making us cringe.

It's not rigged, though, I promise. At least, I don't think it is -- and I have some good reasons to believe so.

Message boards are always filled with scandal and accusations of foul play. I don't know why, but people are always so quick to cry conspiracy even when better judgment says otherwise. Probably for the same reasons we believed the world was flat for so long ...

I was a little distracted tonight. I should have been trying to care about who left this week, but instead I kept thinking about Kellie Pickler and her little blue dress. It's not what you think; I'm into smarter girls. It's just funny how perfectly she illustrated what the effect of a night on the town in your "Red High Heels" will have on you.

I like to think she woke up the morning after and looked down and was like "holy s**t my boobs are bigger!" It makes for a good story.

Another good story is: now that Alaina is out, Ryan is free to hit on her openly. I think something like that could bump Britney and her bald head from the cover of every magazine in the grocery store. It's publicity gold. There were lots of other little fun tidbits on the show last night. Starting with one of Idol's very own bald contestants, AJ.

What could be more uninspiring than Ryan Seacrest's love tips on Idol this week? ... Hmmmm, I could think of a couple performances, actually. And that's a bad thing, since Ryan isn't exactly an icon of wisdom. But, I don't want to talk about what I didn't like this time -- call it a break through in therapy, if you like. Instead, as much as I hate to say it, I want to pick up the Paula Abdul torch and talk about what was good and great about the past couple nights.

But first, a couple questions need to be answered: How is the order of the performance decided? And if two contestants pick the same song, who gets to sing it? Also, is The Colbert Report the best TV show on the air? Yes.

Do you remember back when the catch phrase "I'm going to Disneyland" was big? I remember saying it all the time after running over home plate during pick-up kickball games with my brothers. It was the quintessential victory phrase. It was almost as big as classic lines like "Where's the beef?" or "Whatchoo talkin' about Willis?" Saying that meant things couldn't get any better. Without any specific phraseology, except for maybe Ryan's annoying "after the break," I think Idol's results show format has found the yin to that yang.

None of this "You've just won [whatever], what are you gonna' do next?" Instead, with the camera practically up your nose, it's "You just lost your big shot to fame a fortune." I'm pretty sure going to Disneyland isn't next on the "to do" list. And, if that weren't enough, they have to bust out the microphone one last time and remind us why we didn't vote for them in the first place. Man, what a series of therapy sessions in-the-making.

Looks like it could be a girl's year this year. After 26.2 miles of Idol watching over the last couple nights, I'm pretty spent. Thankfully, this week's installment of Idol ended on the proverbial high note and left me wanting a little more. All big voices and beat boxing aside, though, the one question rattling around in my brain is what kind of record do these contestants plan on making after the show is over?

So far, it isn't clear -- and it ought to be. A major part of Chris Daughtry's success now is based on the fact that early on, he established what he was all about and never strayed too far from it. The same could be said about Carrie Underwood and country music.

This is the point of the competition when the country is forming it's opinion of the top 24, and if they don't send out clear messages about who they are artistically we'll form our own conclusions -- which generally ends in confusion.