(S04E15)

Even if this was the first episode of Hell's Kitchen that a viewer had seen this season, they would have understood what the players were like and what the game was about just by watching this season finale. Jen was bitchy and unreasonable, Matt was bat-shit crazy, Louross was hyperactive, Ramsay swore a lot, food got sent back, some food went out raw. It was like a wrap-up of the season while still being a new episode.

But who won in the end, Petrozza or Christina? The answer after the jump.

(S04E14) "My goal tonight is to make Chef Ramsay second guess the fact that he got rid of me." - Jen

Oh Jen, just when we had started to forget you, you come back with the nasty attitude and the chip on your shoulder. Like Mary Tyler Moore, you can turn the world on with your smile.

This is part one of the finale, where final contestants Petrozza and Christina design their restaurants and have to complete a service with some of the eliminated contestants. The returning players are Jen, Louross, Bobby, Corey, Matt, and Ben. Not sure why these contestants are the ones who return, other than they're the most controversial. They're not all the most recent rejects, because Roseann would be in the mix if that was the case and not Ben.

I have mixed feelings about these contestants coming back, which I'll explain after the jump.

(S04E09) "I come in peace, but if you break my sanctuary, you're gonna feel it." - Bobby, about Jen

This episode was like the Lost of reality cooking show episodes. It not only had one twist ending, it actually had two or three. I'm not sure if what Chef Ramsay did at the end of the show was to really shake things up and see if the teams can get better than they are now or just to shake things up in that reality show sort of way. But I'm sure things are going to get interesting.

(S04E08) "Shut up...and I mean that from the bottom of my heart." - Chef Ramsay, to Christina

This episode brought back a lot of memories for me, flashbacks to the day 20 years ago when I cut my finger while slicing linguica on a slicer. Matt does the same thing tonight (via knife) while slicing pancetta. Funny how both the pancetta and linguica are both sorta flesh-colored. I didn't cut the tip of my finger off (though I did go to the emergency room). Matt did cut the tip of his off yet didn't go to the emergency room. If I remember correctly from the episode, he also didn't find the tip of his finger. What exactly did they do with that pancetta?

(S04E07) "He must be on his period." - Jen, about Chef Ramsay

That's not Chef Ramsay singing "Stop, In The Name of Lunch" above, he's screaming an order to the teams in tonight's episode. He screams a lot in this episode (and that's saying a lot when you're talking about Gordon Ramsay). The thing that's different about tonight was, I'm not quite sure what he's yelling at half the time. So the teams screw up and send out undercooked food and are slow getting things done in the kitchen, OK, we get that every week. But this week it seems like something is different. That Ramsay is pissy as well as irritated by the lameness of the teams, and for the first time I don't think he quite gives them a chance. He's yelling at them while they should be cooking and working and fixing things.

Wow, maybe Jen's right.

(S04E06) "I don't want to mess with someone crazier than I am." - Matt

Welcome to week 6 of Hell's Kitchen, also known as Everybody Hates Matt. This was one episode where I didn't buy Chef Ramsay's decision at all. He had to choose between three people at the end, and the one who should have gone - clearly - didn't. The one who should have gone second? That person didn't go either. I really think this week was all about "how can we guarantee more reality show tension in the weeks to come?" and not a professional decision. And that's really disappointing to me.

(S04E05) "I'm not weak!" - Vanessa

I'm always intrigued when contestants get injured on reality competition shows. I can understand why some players opt to leave (I'm thinking of that guy who got burned on Survivor a couple of seasons ago and had to leave), but some players seem to take it as an excuse to leave because they want to leave anyway. A piece of advice: if you get injured on a reality show and it's not so bad that you can't stay, you should stay. Just think of the less work you'll have to do. And if you screw up in a challenge or something, they'll go easy on you because, hey, you're injured!

I thought of that after tonight's twist ending to Hell's Kitchen.

(S04E04) "It's not rocket scientist to make pasta." - Craig

One night in the mid-80s when I was working at a pizza restaurant, I grabbed an empty pizza pan so I can make room on the counter for another pizza and I realized it was red hot. I think my first clue was when it started to burn. It was so hot that as I tried to throw the pan down I couldn't, because it was stuck to my hand for a few seconds. I had to spend the entire night with my left hand in a bucket of ice and my right hand making drinks for the waitresses. Turns out the incident gave me an easy night of work but it hurt like hell.

I thought of that tonight when Vanessa got burned by the pan. Her injury was a lot worse than mine, considering she had skin falling off and had to go to the hospital. But the person in the most pain tonight was probably Chef Gordon Ramsay.

(S04E03) "I'm not going to put my head down like some bitch."

That's just one of the many classy quotes from Jason, Hell's Kitchen contestant and future President of NOW. I guess he would call Chef Ramsay a bitch too if he saw the picture above. Let's take a look at what happened on the show tonight, including more gems from Jason.

(S04E02) "I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done." - Petrozza

Here's a tip if you ever find yourself in the position of being a contestant on Hell's Kitchen. If you have to choose two people to go up for elimination, don't choose them for "strategic" or "personal" reasons, at least not this early in the game. And if for some reason you do choose them for those reasons, DON'T ANNOUNCE IT TO EVERYONE. But that's exactly what happened tonight, in one of the more stupid moments by a contestant in the short history of this show.

Remember, whoever you choose, Chef Ramsay has the final say on who goes home...

(S04E01) I'm tempted to say that Hell's Kitchen has jumped the shark, or whatever the culinary equivalent of jumping the shark would be (jumping the oven? burning the dinner?), but then I got to thinking: the prize for this show is pretty big. The winner not only gets $250,000, they also get to be the executive chef at one of Gordon Ramsay's own restaurants, the new London L.A. opening in Los Angeles later this year. So maybe all of the intense cooking action and swearing and degrading put downs uttered by Ramsay actually serve a purpose.

That doesn't, however, mean that the show isn't guilty of some severe reality show badness.