marge

No spoilers in this preview, Simpsons fans.

I'll have a few review when the episode airs on November 5, but here's a taste of what you can look forward to:

The first vignette, titled "Married to the Blob," spoofs the classic camp classic The Blob, this time with Homer becoming an ever-enlarging mass of man-blob who just can't stop himself from eating every person he comes across. As always, it takes Marge to finally talk some sense into Homer, with a little help from guest star Dr. Phil.

(S18E03) This episode ventured into familiar territory, giving us yet another story where Homer acts like a jerk towards Marge and has to redeem himself by the end. If I were the sort of person who graded these episodes, I'd probably give this on a B minus. The plot was decent enough, and there were several moments I thought were really clever, but as a whole the episode didn't quite woo me.

Anyway, if you're reading this that means you've seen the episode, so you know Marge decides to delve into the Time-Life Carpenter's Library book set Homer purchased at the run down mall, the same place where he consumed a pillar of out-of-date, hardened gummi worms. Marge catches on quickly and is soon building everything from nightstands to extravagant dog houses, prompting Bart to call her "the Jesus of carpentry."

This is a great way to spend 10 minutes of your Friday. A preview of season 18 of The Simpsons is online today in advance of this weekend's season premiere. FOX made the first seven minutes of Sunday's episode available on various websites, including MySpace.com, FOX.com, and IGNTV.com. The episode is about Homer joining the mob but, in true Simpsons fashion, the first seven minutes are more about Otto than the larger story. And it's pretty damn hilarious-- including a cameo by Metallica. Stick around after the clip because there's more-- a look at a scene as it first appears in pencil and then as the final product. Ahhh... all will be right with the world when The Simpsons return.

(S06E23)

Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man, which makes me the woman, and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which, as we discussed, is strictly a "comfort" thing.

This episode begins with Marge and Homer attending an outdoor symphony. On the way back home, Homer warns Marge to be careful since the streets are dangerous, especially for "upper lower middle class types." He tells Marge not to trust anyone, but of course he fails to take his own advice and gets swindled by Snake with a game of three-card monty. Marge exposes Snake's cheating, and he takes off running. Since no one will chase him, Marge takes after him and corners him in an alley. When he pulls a knife on her, her instincts kick in and she smacks him with a garbage can lid, knocking him out cold.

(S06E21)

Marge: It took the children forty minutes to locate Canada on the map.

Homer: Marge, anyone can miss Canada, all tucked away down there.

More than anything, this episode shows just how poorly-lacking public schools are when it comes to funding. We begin with a bus ride taking place on a bus that really shouldn't even be in use. Bart and Milhouse watch as a hole in the bus floor becomes wider, forcing them to leap into the next seat while their old one is sucked under the bus. When it comes time to stop, the kids have to hold their coats out the windows like drag chutes.

When they arrive at the Civil War reenactment, it turns out it's no longer free. Since they have no money to get in, they watch from over the fence until one of the actors spots them and everyone chases after the kids for trying to learn without paying first.

(S06E17)

Lisa: Hey, dad, whatcha doin'?

Homer: Daddy has very important work to do. He's looking through the want ads to find a part-time job.

Lisa: Dad, that's a gag paper we we got at the carnival.

Homer: Oh. No wonder I didn't hear about Bart being elected 'World's Greatest Sex Machine.'"

This episode begins in Moe's bar with Homer passing out cigars to his friends. It seems he's found the path to financial success by investing in pumpkins. They've been "going up the whole month of October" after all. Naturally, Homer's plan to sell come January fails and he winds up broke. He comes home to find Patty and Selma celebrating their promotion at the DMV, and eventually Homer is pushed to the edge and throws them out. Marge tries to explain to her sisters that Homer is complicated, and Homer pops his head out the window, smashes a plate on his head and yells, "wrong!"

(S06E13) This episode, in which we learn how Maggie joined the Simpson clan, is one of my favorites. It manages to be both incredibly funny and incredibly touching, both signs of a great Simpsons episode. Let's jump in:

The plot in a nutshell is that Marge demands the family spend some quality time together, so they look at the family photo album. The kids notice there are no pictures of Maggie, so Homer tells them the story of how Marge's pregnancy changed the course of their lives. Homer starts off by telling his kids that he was at work at the nuclear power plant when a group of freelance terrorists took over, and he defeated each of them in hand to hand combat. Then Marge yells at him to tell the story correctly.

There were no "freelance terrorists," but Homer did terrorize Mr. Burns by quitting his job and riding away on a golf cart while he played Burns' head like a bongo. He also literally burns a bridge as he drives away ("That's for employing me for eight years!"). Homer figures now that he's out of debt he can finally do what he's always dreamed of: work at the bowling alley. Being a "pin monkey" is the highlight of Homer's life, and he doesn't want anything to change it. He even prays to God to freeze everything the way it is, and if He agrees, to "give me absolutely no sign." Leave it to Homer to find a loophole in prayer.

(S06E11) This episode has a great opening scene at Moe's. The gang decides to play a few pranks on Moe, so Lenny puts a cobra in the cash register that bites Moe several times and Barney hits Moe with a flame that shoots from a flower on his lapel. Moe actually laughs these pranks off, but when Homer unscrews the lid to the sugar and it gets on the bar, Moe gets so angry he bans Homer from the bar. As a final insult, he even takes Homer's favorite record out of the jukebox ("It's Rainin' Men").

Homer tries some other bars, and finally ends up at an all-female bar that doesn't seem quite right to him. Finally, he figures it out: "This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit!"'

(S06E06) When I first started covering the sixth season of The Simpsons for Retro Squad, some of you asked why I didn't cover one of the earlier "better" seasons. Well, there is a reason I chose this season instead of say, the fifth season (which includes one of my top five episodes, "Rosebud") but that reason no longer applies. What the heck am I talking about? Let's just say we had something cool planned, but it didn't pan out.

Nevertheless, this season had some great episodes, so I'm not at all sorry I chose to revisit them. Besides, if I hadn't picked this season I wouldn't be able to talk about possibly one of the best Halloween episodes ever. So if you'll take my bloody, severed hand, we'll get started:

So, I have this thing I do whenever someone tells me a "knock knock" joke. Instead of saying "who's there?" I'll say something like "come in" or "hang on, I'll get it." It's worth it just to see the look of confusion on the person's face. Then last night I see this exchange between Marge and Charles, a character played by the episode's guest writer, Ricky Gervais:

Charles: Would you like to hear a joke?

Marge: As long as it's not a "knock knock" joke. I always ruin them by saying, "Come in!"

The best episodes of The Simpsons contain several layers, mixing the absurd and sophomoric with the heartfelt and sincere. Seventeen seasons down this long road with no forseeable end in sight, it's normal to catch an occasional episode where everything doesn't quite fit, even if some elements still work.

That's just my long-winded way of saying last night's episode didn't exactly rock my world, but there were parts I liked. As far as the "gags" they all pretty much left me cold. I don't think I had a single "laugh out loud" moment, though Homer going through a mill in the beginning in order to get his rubber duck back into a charity race was a fun bit of Chuck Jones-inspired insanity. Also, seeing the expressions of pure elation on the faces of Rod and Todd when they use a see-saw correctly for the first time was amusing. Bart's relationship with his surrogate monkey mother had several nice little subtleties, and I loved how easily he fell into the role of "son," immediately taking advantage of his fake mother's natural instinct.

At the heart of the episode was Marge and how she teaches Flanders and his two sons that it's okay to take risks and get hurt once and awhile. It's that element of humanity that's in all the best Simpsons episodes. Even if it was a bit weak in this instance, I'll call it okay but forgettable. Besides, next week is the Ricky Gervais episode, and I have slightly larger hopes for that one.

So let's get it out of the way right off the bat -- Wiiliam H. Macy and "Smokin" Joe Frazier are not even in consideration to be Homer's father in this episode, it's only Michael York. The other two are in the episode alright, but in other funny cameos. The "mystery" of Homer's past has been done a couple of times, in a couple of different ways, so this episode wasn't necessarily an "original" idea, but it was still pretty funny nonetheless. I think I may have finally put my finger on what's been missing from the show the past couple of years, and why it's suddenly funny again, but I'll get to that in the recap, for now -- On with the show!

As any true fan knows, The Simpsons' first episode wasn't the Christmas one where they got Santa's Little Helper. That was the first aired on Fox though, so many think of it as the first. Regardless, The Simpsons' Christmas episodes have a special place in many people's hearts, and are probably second only to their Halloween episodes. This year, they took a cue from the Treehouse of Horror, and broke the episode down into three smaller segments. Each a Christmas story to melt the heart-- or make you laugh. Your choice. On with the show!