mariahcarey

The fine folks over at AOL Television put together their "11 Biggest American Idol Cliches," but as the self-proclaimed guru of all things Idol, I figured my legions of fan (yes it's singular on purpose) are clamoring for my take. You have to figure that after nearly eight years on the air any show is going to rack up it's long, long list of annoying things.

And yet, I don't get nearly as annoyed when Jeff Probst yells "Come on in guys. [Team A] getting their first look at the new [Team B]. [Contestant Name] voted out at the last tribal council," even though he does it every single week. "[Team members], you're the last team to arrive. I'm sorry to tell you that you've both been eliminated from The Amazing Race." No big deal. So why do Ryan, Simon and the gang at American Idol drive us so crazy week after week?

(S07E32) Well, I think the Mariah Carey performances went better than expected. We got slid vocal performances from all three guys and at least half the girls. I'd predict a three-female "Bottom Three," but last week showed us just how unpredictable this show can be. And Mariah Carey performs because what better way to whore her new album, E=MC2, than to do it on the largest stage in America. Join us, won't you, to chat, chat, chat live during tonight's episode, starting just before 9:00pm ET.

You can join the chat by following this link. Look for the full episode review right here later tonight.

(S07E29) Well, this is what you've all been waiting for, right? What's that? Finale? Yeah, I guess that'll be cool, too. But if you've listened to Ryan all season then you know TONIGHT is really what it's all about! If you're looking to find out who got eliminated by vote last night you're going to have to wait until tomorrow. But if you're looking for two-and-a-half hours of entertainment chock full of celebrities and song and charity, then you're looking for "Idol Gives Back."

Last year's inaugural edition was very good, and Kristin's report of the Idol Gives Back taping from this past Sunday was also very positive. We don't have any pesky (non) eliminations to deal with like last year, so just kick back, donate and enjoy. And, if you want, join us online and chat about it in real-time with other giving Idol fans.

You can join the chat starting just before 7:30/6:30pm CDT by following this link. Look for the full episode review right here later tonight.

Her new CD, E=MC2, drops on April 15. The next day, Mariah Carey will guest judge on American Idol. Let the hype machine begin. What I'm trying to figure out is in what capacity Mariah can be a judge when by my accounts April 16th is a Wednesday, thus making it a "Results Show." Perhaps she can judge the way in which Ryan makes us wait until "after the break."

Maybe, though, she will also act as a guest mentor that week. Wouldn't it be sickly perverse of American Idol to have that weeks theme be Mariah Carey, considering that the judges always talk about how you should pretty much never try and take on a Mariah Carey song. All night long they can slam the Idols for their song selections and for taking on an artist like Mariah. "But we didn't have a choice," they'll cry. "You were all terrible," Simon will tell them. "Maybe you'll do better next week with the Whitney Houston theme."

Mariah Carey totally digs 30 Rock, especially the Kenneth the Page character. She digs him so much, that he stars in her new music video, called "Touch My Body". In it, the actor Jack McBrayer seems to channel Louis Skolnick from Revenge of the Nerds. He shows up at the Carey mansion to fix a computer and then he goes off into La La Land, thinking about his dream date with Mariah Carey. Activities include pillow fights, laser tag, and frisbee.

Maybe I'm grumpy today or something because I didn't find it all that funny. It was quaint, really. The Nerd envisions himself with Mariah Carey doing all her sexy poses and wearing tight/short dresses, like in all her videos. I think the problem is that Mariah Carey didn't do anything different. She shook her booty while goofy things happened around her-- like Jack McBrayer wearing a viking hat during a pillow fight. While I liked the Fiona Apple and Kanye West videos with Zach Galifianakis, I think this one is over-the-top and tries too hard to be funny. The video is directed by Brett Ratner.

Check it out, the video is after the jump:

• Fox says that it's taking Corey Clark's I-had-an-affair-with-Paula-Abdul claims seriously, responding to a complaint Clark had last week to a recent sketch on American Idol that seemed to poke fun at the situation.
• Mariah Carey's new single "We Belong Together" has become her 16th song to top the Billboard charts. Just behind Elvis and The Beatles. That's really depressing.
• Where's Dave Chappelle? In Ohio.
• A summary of all the winners and losers, ratings-wise, this season.
• In the print edition, an article about Lisa Kudrow and her new show HBO show Comeback (which debuts June 5), and why his Desperate Housewives death was a good thing for Steven Culp.