mystery science theater 3000

Mike Nelson is a good guy. And he has always seemed like a reasonable guy to me. But now I think he's lost it a little.

For the entire month of February, the Mystery Science Theater 3000 host/head writer is going to eat nothing but bacon. That's right, nothing but bacon for an four weeks. Make sure you have your best suit dry cleaned for the inevitable funeral in March.

OK, maybe he'll survive like Morgan Spurlock did, though Spurlock's whole experiment was rather lame and misleading, in my opinion. But eating nothing but one of the most incredibly unhealthy foods (the fat! the grease! the salt!) for an entire month? I'm not too sure about that. He'll be drinking liquids, but most of them are alcohol (and water). No veggies or fruits for an entire month. Wow, even if you ate nothing but pizza for an entire month you'd at least get dairy and fiber and maybe some veggies. Mike will be keeping track of his progress (with bacon photos!) at Rifftrax.

Godspeed Mike. Godspeed.

Here are a couple of names that should make MST3K fans excited - Joe Don Baker and Joe Estevez. Yes, those two names guarantee a certain amount of cinematic terribleness, a feast for Joel, Mike, and the Bots, especially Baker, whose bumbling, making-love-to-banjo-music cop movie Mitchell is one of the best.

MST3K XIV includes four episodes from three different seasons, including two from the final season, Season Ten:

The Mad Monster from Season One: With the old cheesy set that Joel and Trace revealed at an M.I.T. lecture they accidentally delivered two weeks early. If they'd known they had two more weeks, they'd have put more work into the concept. When it was originally released, The Mad Monster was probably fairly advanced and stylish from a technical standpoint. But it's still poorly acted, and MST3K seems to have a special place in its collective hearts for bad werewolves. Also includes the short Commando Cody & The Radar Men from the Moon. A fiery Invention Exchange: Joel's "Hell in a Hand Bag" anti-theft device and Forrester's monster role playing game with a fire-breathing Godzilla. Tom Servo also hits on a blender.

Consider this your way-too-far-in-advance sneak preview at a future DVD extra for a Mystery Science Theater 3000 set for Shout! Factory. On January 17, MST3K creator Joel Hodgson and original cast member and writer Trace Beaulieu gave a crowd at M.I.T. a peek behind the scenes of the venerable sci-fi comedy show with their lecture, "The Design and Speculative Technology of MST3K," which they filmed to use as a future DVD extra.

For the uninitiated, Joel was the original host, was shot into space by evil scientists (Dr. Forrester was played by Beaulieu) and forced to watch (sing it with me, MSTies) "cheesy movies, the worst we can find." To help him handle the torture, Joel built four robot friends, two of which, Crow (also originated by Beaulieu) and Servo, watched the movies and made fun of them with Joel. Together, Joel, Crow, and Servo cut the best silhouette in show business (at least to comedy and movie geeks like myself).

But then, if you're reading this, you probably know all of that.

It's sad that we don't have Mystery Science Theater 3000 anymore, but it's great that we have two spinoffs/reunions to entertain us. Joel, Trace, Frank, Mary Jo, and J. Elvis have Cinematic Titanic, and Mike, Bill, and Kevin have Rifftrax. I'll leave it to you to discuss which one you like the best. I'm partial to Rifftrax. And if you've never heard what the guys do, tonight might be a good time to check it out.

At 9pm ET (6pm PT), there will be a live, free Rifftrax performed by the guys for everyone to see and hear on their computer. Probably the very same computer you're reading this one, unless you're at work. And if you're at work you shouldn't be spending all of your time on a TV site. Get back to work.

What they'll be riffing is Self-Conscious Guy, a short film from 1951 I'm assuming is about a guy who is self-conscious. I've never heard of it, but the shorts that MST3K used to do were some of the funniest stuff they did, so this should be good. I'm going to watch this instead of Grissom leaving CSI.

Mad TV came along at a time in American television history when America had an excuse to get out of the house and live healthy and productive lives on Saturday night.

But eventually, the show evolved into a 60-minute scream fest of recurring characters spouting catchphrases over and over and celebrity satire that taught lessons about the proliferation of pop culture and ignorance. Important lessons, such as "Boy is Anna Nicole Smith dumb and fat!" and "Hey, is that Paris Hilton a whore or what?" Every episode felt like a hand was reaching out of the TV and rubbing a cheese grater across my face. Now 14 years after its inception, Fox has finally decided to pull the plug on Mad TV and let it die a slow horrible death instead of taking it out Old Yeller-style, the way God intended.

I'm sure at one point or another in every little kid's life, he or she has wanted to have a robot BFF. All the potential for wacky fun and scientific misadventures would make up for the inevitable human/binary language barrier, and, when I think about it, I still totally want a robot buddy. I mean, from my time on this Earth, of two things I am sure: Lists are fun and robots are awesome. So, despite the fact that my age numerically suggests I shouldn't be thinking about this sort of stuff, I am all over this list.

I should also note that, upon completion of this depressingly nerdy post, I am legally obligated to punch myself in the face for a solid fifteen minutes and then steal my own lunch money. Let's just get this over with, shall we? Here are the top eleven robot buddies from TV, in no particular order, because each robot is special in its own way. Also, I don't want any readers to kill me for not ranking to their liking.

Here are the new TV DVDs, in stores tomorrow.

Wow, if you bought all of the complete series sets being released this week you'd have a great start for your TV DVD collection: NewsRadio, The Flintstones, The 4400, Sanford and Son, and several others. The NewsRadio set doesn't have anything that wasn't in the individual sets, but it's a great buy if you don't have all of the seasons. The Mystery Science Theater 3000 set (the one with the collectible Crow and lobby cards) might already be sold out, so I'd check on that. I used to watch Zoom back in the 70s, though I can't imagine buying the DVD set.

I don't think I've ever seen The Doris Day Show, but it looks like something I might have to have.

• The 4400 - Complete Series
• Cathouse - Complete Series
• Dark Shadows - Vol. 6: Episodes 179-209
• The Donna Reed Show - Season 1
• The Doris Day Show - Christmas Memories
• Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Complete Series
• The Flintstones - Complete Series
• Girlfriends - Season 5
• Good Times - Complete Series
• The Little Rascals - Complete Collection
• The L Word - Season 5
• Millennium - Complete Series
• Mystery Science Theater 3000 - 20th Anniversary Set
• NewsRadio - Complete Series
• Sanford and Son - Complete Series
• Sister, Sister - Season 1
• War and Remembrance - Season 1
• Zoom - Back to the 70s

Most people don't turn in to Fine Living Network for laughs, but all that's about to change on September 16, at least for as long as a new comedy series called Whatever, Martha! runs. Imagine, if you will, an entire clip show culled from The Martha Stewart Show.

Now, picture a couple of chicks sitting around and making fun of said clips. That's the concept for Whatever, Martha!, and if this idea reminds you of Mystery Science Theater 3000 -- sans puppets -- that's a good thing.

Fine Living has gotten Martha's blessing for the show. Heck, she's leading the laughs by allowing the clips to be used. Also the two women who'll be presenting the show and mocking her every half-hour are close to her: Alexis Stewart, her daughter, and Jennifer Koppelman Hutt, whose father -- Charles Koppelman -- is the chairman of Martha's media empire.

So, this is all in the family for the Stewart camp, and whatever jokes, cracks and observations made by the women will be with the Martha Stewart seal of approval.

We watch a lot of TV around this house -- hey, it's my job, man -- so the kids, ages 11 and 13, get to see a wide assortment of shows. Sure, there's a few I can't get them interested in (hard as I try), like Lost, Heroes, and Grey's Anatomy (probably just as well, with all the bed-hopping). Still, there are lots of shows I've had to recap or review over the years that they've gotten hooked on. Here are a few of our favorites.

1. House, M.D. There's something refreshing about an infectious disease specialist who walks with a limp, pops Vicodin like dinner mints, and has the bedside manner of a schoolyard bully. The kids and I can't wait to gather around the TV and watch the tortured doc hurl insults at colleagues and break into patients' homes looking for mysterious mold or a DNA sample. We like to place bets on how long it'll take somebody to start seizing and spewing blood. Last season broke the record when a drug-addicted rock star started puking blood during the first five seconds of the show. Sure, this show is rated PG-14, but it's still a family favorite around here. My kids especially love the scenes where the camera goes inside the cells and arteries of a patient (not). House, M.D. moves to Mondays at 9/8c, and returns with new episodes on April 28.

Last week's episode of The Office now ranks high on my list of Awkward TV Moments. It got me thinking about other all-time great awkward TV moments. Sure, we've all seen the episode where a disheveled Mary Richards shows up at the awards banquet wearing one fuzzy pink slipper. And the one where Frasier and Roz nearly do it on a cruise ship. But let's take a look at a few recent awkward TV moments.

1. Jan heaves a Dundee at Michael's flat-screen TV. Okay, we'll start with last week's episode of The Office, in which Michael coerces Jim and Pam into attending a couples-only dinner party at his and Jan's condo. The entire episode is one long awkward moment, from Dwight showing up with his former babysitter as his date to Pam realizing she'll be held hostage for three hours, thanks to Jan's poor culinary planning. But the topper is when Michael and Jan's love spat escalates into a huge fight, ending with her heaving one of his treasured Dundee awards at his new (and tiny) flat-screen TV. The cops show up after the neighbors report a disturbance, and Michael ends up going home with Dwight.

This letter brought back some memories for me...

Al writes, "Several years back...'90s I think, there was a show where they played classic old movies and the original dialogue was dubbed out and replaced with new dialogue. What comes to mind is the original Night of the Living Dead as one of the episodes. Do you know the name of this show?"

Are you a Mike person or a Joel person? And of course by Mike I mean Mike Tyson, and by Joel I mean singer/piano man Billy Joel.

OK, I'm actually talking about Mystery Science Theater 3000 hosts Mike Nelson and Joel Hodgson. Some people like Joel, who was the original kidnapped guy stuck on a ship with robots, but other people are loyal to Mike, the guy who took over for Joel when he left the series. I liked them both of course, though I think Mike grew on me a more. The commentary on The Brain That Wouldn't Die had me in tears.

Fans of Joel will be happy to know that he's coming back with a very MST3K-sounding project called Cinematic Titanic.

Whitney Matheson has an interesting topic over at the Pop Candy blog. She lists her 10 favorite props from the movies, and includes some items like Indy's hat from the Raiders of the Lost Ark movies, Darth Vader's light saber, and many items from Steve Martin's The Jerk. This got me thinking, what props from TV shows would I like to own? I have a few from Ed, including a name plate from the courtroom and a drinking bird, but I'd like more. My list is below, in no particular order.

Anything from The Dick Van Dyke Show: In particular, the typewriter in the office or anything from the Petrie's kitchen. Or maybe the ottoman Rob trips over!

Congratulations to Tony, Larry, Hollie, Terry and James for winning a copy of The Outer Limits Volume One on DVD!

Let's continue with the giveaways this week! In this post we're giving out three copies of the Mystery Science Theater 3000, Volume 11 DVD set. We'll give one copy away to five randomly chosen commenters to this post. Just post a comment below and make sure you confirm it. We'll randomly choose ten winning entries from all eligible comments.

Some basic rules and clarifications:

- To enter, leave a confirmed comment below.
- The comment must be left before July 13, 2007 at 5:00 PM Eastern Time.
- You can only enter once.
- The winning entries will be chosen completely at random.

And now we present you with the legalities of the contest. (Read them. Please.)

Fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000 like myself (or "Misties" as we're sometimes called) remember a half-hour special dedicated to the show that aired on Comedy Central back in the early '90s called This is MST3k. The special was hosted by comedian/musician Penn Jillette and featured a handful of celebrities praising a series that folks like myself fell in love with the very first time we saw it.

One of those celebrities was Neil Patrick Harris, so it should come as no surprise that Harris will be joining former Mystery Science Theater 3000 host Michael J. Nelson on the RiffTrax recording for Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. RiffTrax are downloadable audio commentaries you play in sync with your DVD. Nelson, and sometimes his former mates from MST3k, provide a hilarious commentary much like they did back on the Satellite of Love.