(S01E09) This episode begins with Jerri in band practice playing the timpani. Well, she doesn't really play the drums so much as she beats them ferociously. Fed up, Mr. Jelineck kicks her out of band permanently, telling her he'd like to see her "at a quarter after never."

While alone in the bandroom she picks up a violin, and much to her and Mr. Noblet's surprise, she has a natural talent for the instrument. Mr. Noblet takes her under his wing so she can train and win an upcoming music competition, even though she can already play the instrument perfectly. As Noblet explains, "I am the only one who can help you realize my dreams of yours." Strangers with Candy is always packed with that kind of superfluous phrasing, double and triple negatives piled on top of one another, but this episode uses that "trick" quite a bit. That's not a slam against this episode. Quite the contrary, it works perfectly because Noblet is trying to confuse Jerri into thinking he's doing it for her, when in reality he wants to live vicariously through her because he never learned to play violin.

I've seen this episode no less than fifty million times, but I completely missed a very funny gag involving a young Mr. Noblet who comes in from playing baseball ... in a cowboy outfit. That cracked me the heck up. I also loved the violin "duet" between Jerri and Mr. Noblet that played over the end credits.

(S01E08)

Mr. Jelineck: Your daughter has a disease we call anorexia.

Sara Blank: Is that contagious?

Mr. Jelineck: Yes. It often sweeps through third world countries that are stricken by drought.

A new character is introduced in this episode: Stew, the Blank's meatman. Basically, he's like a milkman, except he delivers meat. And much like the fabled milkman, he also seems a bit more interested in the lady of the house than he should be. He immediately makes himself at home in the household, taking on the role of "father" even though their real dad is still very much alive, even if he is catatonic.

(S01E07)

Mr. Noblet (after showing his class a tape of Martin Luther King, Jr's "I Have A Dream" speech): King's dream was of an America without racism of any kind. The tragedy of course is that all this footage is in black and white. Imagine how powerful it would have been in color.

In this episode, a student spray paints the N-word in the hallway, and all of Flatpoint High is turned upside down as they try to figure out who did it. The easiest humorous route to take would have been to mock those blatantly racist enough to do such a thing, but this episode, like the "Ginger Kids" episode of South Park, cuts much deeper, exposing the varying degrees of prejudice that exist in all of us. Or, as one student says, "The only thing we hate more than a racist is spics."

(S01E05)

Principal Blackman: Talk your monkey ass off. I'll be watching you.

This episode, in which Jerri comes face to face with her long lost son (though she doesn't realize it until the end of the episode) was co-written by Tom Lennon of The State and Reno 911!

This episode starts off, as all the season one episodes do, with Jerri explaining who she is and why she's in her forties and attending high school. She tells her tale to a ficus she's inexplicable planted in the middle of a baseball diamond (it's an Arbor Day thing). Meanwhile, it's also almost time for the Sadie Hawkins Dance, which, as many of you may know, is when girls have to ask the boys to the dance instead of vice versa. Her friend Orlando begins to drop some not so subtle hints that he'd like to go with her, but Jerri finds herself attracted to the new student, Ricky, played by Frederick Koehler (a.k.a. "Chip" from Kate and Allie). Jerri likes Ricky but she can't let anyone know because Ricky is hated by everyone, including the teachers, simply because he's new. When he first arrives in Noblet's class, Noblet doesn't give him a desk but instead makes him sit in the back on a box of slightly irregular jeans. Jerri tries to maintain a friendship with Ricky while also maintaining her status among her peers, such as one scene where she uses a tire iron to smash his car to impress her friends, all the while insisting to Ricky she really does like him.

(S01E04)

Jerri (reading her poem in class): When you work from your home, and John's callin' the phone, you're a call girl / When you walk 'til you limp, and give a cut to a pimp, you're a street whore / When their beggin' you please, to get down on your knees, near their groinage / 'scuse a me, don't you see, don't you touch where they pee, without coinage --

Mr. Noblet: Thank you Jerri, that'll be --

Jerri: When I straddle and squat, to show you my--

Mr. Noblet: All right Jerri...

Do not adjust your web browser. You are now entering the Retro Squad, where we are reviewing past episodes of your favorite shows, in order, every week.

(S01E02) In 1990, Alice actress Linda Lavin directed a CBS Schoolbreak Special called "Flour Babies" about a group of high school students given sacks of flour which they were assigned to care for as if they were actual babies. Strangers with Candy used a similar concept for this episode, but instead of flour, the students are given actual babies. Jerri tries to talk her way out of it, insisting she's already had plenty of babies, just none she's carried to full term. Reluctantly, she accepts the baby and soon nicknames it "Dizzy" because it fell off her dresser into a laundry basket. Before all of that, however, there's a great opening scene with Noblet and Jellineck where they roleplay in the bathroom, pretending to be widows and then suddenly tearing each other's clothes off for some hot gay sex.