Jon Stewart started off by announcing that Congress has raised America's limit of debt to a whopping $9 trillion. "Are you getting an 'F'? Don't study harder! Just make the grading scale go to a 'K'!"

March 19 will mark the 3 year anniversary of Operation Iraqi Freedom. The first year anniversary was paper, the second anniversary was (we were hoping for) oil, and the third year anniversary will be Operation Swarmer, the largest air assault since Shock and Awe. Happy anniversary! "It's our way of telling Iraq we would do it all over again..."

Big news, everyone! Dubai backed out of the port deal! Jon scoffed, "Apparently they're too good for our ports". Plus, Abu Ghraib prison is going to close! Ed Helms reported on-location regarding this "end of an error era". He said that the Iraqis were really sad about the closing because it was the heart of their economy. Where will all the blindfold-makers find work now?

Jon started with some good ol' presidential humor by covering Bush's visit to Asia. The president went there to sign a nuclear cooperation (or as Bush would say it, "a nuke-ular kwap'ration") with India. America will help India build nuclear reactors if they promise to stop their children from crushing us in spelling bees. Bush also learned about Indian culture, seeing cloth made the old-fashioned way on looms, visiting farms, and facing one hell of a huge potato. "Compared to India, our potatoes are literally small potatoes!"

Jon's back on from his Oscars gig. Oh, Jon, how we've missed thee. After putting down his Hollywood sunglasses, cellphone, and Blackberry, Jon talked about the mixed reviews over his performance ("I sucked... and was great!"). He's usually pretty hard on himself (I remember him uttering, "I am a loser" after one of his jokes during the Oscars) so it was good to hear that Jon said that he had a great time. Audience may or may not have enjoyed his performance as host... it all depended on which cutaways you saw (Jamie Foxx laughed it up, Joaquin Phoenix offered nothing but cold stares). Well, for what it's worth, I thought Jon did a fantastic job with what he had. I really loved the "attack ads" that Stephen Colbert voiced. Jon even showed another attack ad that they pulled at the last minute about monkeys in the biz, out of fear of an uprising resulting in a Planet of the Apes world. It's practical thinking.

David Irving recently went on trial in an Austrian court for denying that the Holocaust ever happened. He showed up for the case holding his book Hitler's War. Hey, guess what? That was a stupid move, Irving. Jon said that it would have been a better idea to show up with a neck brace and a yarmulke (I totally didn't need a dictionary for that).

A sick Jon Stewart (aww... please get well before the Oscars) opened the show by bringing up a pretty nifty story. Eight workers from a ham processing plant won a huge $365 million Powerball jackpot the other day (dude, that's, like, a million dollars every day for a year). Jon reports that many of the workers planned to go to work again the next day... not because they still wanted their jobs, but either because they wanted one last chance at the employee ham discount or wanted to put a "little something extra" in the ham. "Hmm... This ham tastes like... like a Powerball winner..."

The holiday weekend passed without Vice President Dick Cheney shooting anyone else. Hurrah! However, the injured man popped up in the news again... this time to apologize to the Vice President. Yeah, you read that right. What an awesome position Dick Cheney is in, to be able to shoot a guy in the face and then have the victim come to you and say, "My bad". For this, Mr. Cheney, I am in awe.

Jon Stewart started off by stating, "Everyone is welcome here at The Daily Show except... Belgians. I hate them so much". The audience was laughing it up, while I tried to dig through my head for any Belgian current events that he might be mocking. In the end, I came to two possible conclusions: It was yet another pre-show warm-up reference for the audience to enjoy (Belgian visitors, I guess), or Jon really does hate Belgians. The former seems more logical, but the latter is a lot funnier to imagine... I will go with the latter. Jon also remarked on the funky weather that New York has been having (about 60 degrees one day, 20 degrees the next). "I believe that God... hates us," he said. "I feel like He's hazing us".

Jon Stewart started off by wishing us a Happy Valentine's Day and hopes that we're all getting laid ("Consider us foreplay this evening"). Aww, cheers, Jon. Same to you.

As if TDS didn't rub it in Cheney's face enough in the last episode, they brought it up again: Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78 year-old man in the face because he mistook him for a bird. Well, it turns out it was a lot worse than they had previously stated. In actuality, Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78 year-old man from the side and then up to the face (birdshots spray). Holy crap.

Mr. Jon Stewart was back with a whole new week of Daily Show (sorry, Rob, it just wasn't the same without Jon). The "1800th episode" line tied back to a fan's question from the pre-show warm-up. Read her blog entry about the event. It's a sweet story... It just makes you want to love Jon even more.

Well, it was no surprise that the first news to be reported was "Cheney's Got A Gun". Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78 year-old man. In the face. While quail-hunting. The face. While quail-hunting. The injured man, Harry Whittington, is the first person to be shot by a sitting Veep since Alexander Hamilton. At least the Aaron Burr story had some good meat to it... The Hamilton/Burr fight was over political maneuvering, but the Cheney/Whittington case was that Cheney mistook Whittington for a bird.

Jon Stewart just became a daddy (again)! Jon started off by commenting on his wonderful weekend... His wife just gave birth to a baby girl named Maggie Rose Stewart, weighing in at 6 pounds, 9 oz. and 130 inches ("Like a tapeworm!" he exclaimed). Jon was clearly proud, as he should be. And is it just me, or has Jon's hair gotten remarkably more gray in the recent weeks? Not like I have a problem with it... The salt-and-pepper look suits him beautifully.

Tom DeLay stepped down as the House Majority Leader so the Republicans had to find a replacemant for the Notorious TOM. But, hey, guess what? When the votes were counted, they found more ballots submitted than actual Republican voters! It's very funny in sad, sad way. Have you lost faith in humanity yet? By the way, the winner ended up being a fellow named Robert Boehner (it's pronounced "banner" but everyone knows it's really "boner").

Forget the Superbowl, America had the friggin State of the Union, peoples. So what did President Bush say? Well, there was a lot of referenceas to 9/11, the war on terror, and pretty-sounding, uplifting stuff about America and how "together we will make it stronger". Bush also went into some crazy-talk about placing a ban on creating "human-animal hybrids". Dude, I didn't even know there was stuff like that going on in the country. This only makes me want to start trying stuff... Anyone want to volunteer themselves to have half a rat sewn on their face?

The Daily Show decided to give Alan Greenspan a great send-off so they started up the "Irrationally Exuberant Tribute to Alan Greenspan". Yes, ladies and gentlemen and you two hardcore Greenspan fans, TDS had a full episode dedicated to Greenspan (except for the Charles Barkley interview). Jon expressed his love for Greenspan and his manly features ("I would totally do that guy!") and filled us in on the basics (Age: 79; Sign: Pisces; Porn name: Chad Lexington; Drag queen name: Buttons Manhattan; Jewiness Per Square Inch level of 59). Throughout the rest of the episode, correspondents joined in with their favorite Greenspan stories (Rob Corddry took Greenspan's idea once and dumped a girl he really liked, only to find Greenspan and the same woman having sex later).

Jon started off by commenting on how huge Exxon (still) is, pulling in a huge $10.7 billion a year. They're so rich now, they've actually started buying tankers of oil for the sole purpose of crashing into Alaska. Plus, their tiger looks pimpin'.

"The Great Firewall of China": Google has agreed to censor their Chinese websearches. That's a little... strange. Jon tested out the new censored Google by running a search for "underage Asian beaver" and clicking "I'm feeling undying obedience to our fearless leader". Up came a Beijing Online article about the high birth rate of beavers.