oven

"Put it in me Scott..."

No, that's not dialogue from a new porn movie. Well, actually, maybe it is. The new Quizno's commercial is probably the closest we'll get to a gay porn flick in a mainstream sub shop ad.

Have you seen the commercial (after the jump)? It's for their new "Toasty Torpedo" subs, and if you think it's only a coincidence that they're shaped like long male sex organs, think again. The talking oven, which sounds a little like the gay brother of the HAL Computer from 2001, talks to Quizno's worker Scott about how they "both enjoyed" whatever they did before the commercial started (Scott burned himself...somehow), and now he wants Scott to put his toasty torpedo in him. Pay attention to the part where the oven says "we both enjoyed that." Scott looks down at his crotch. The hell?

It's really hard to figure out what audience they're going for. I guess we should all be grateful that there's no mention of "mayonnaise" in the ad.

Here's the thing about microwave ovens. They promise to cook your food faster, but really they just make time seem to drag on and on. You're not stirring chopping ingredients when you use a microwave, so you're just sitting around waiting for your food to finish.

And since microwaving is faster than cooking something in the oven, you don't really have time to go watch a TV show while you're waiting for your food to finish. So you stand in front of the microwave watching the seconds counting down until your burrito is ready to eat. And man, do those seconds take a long time to count down.

Well, we've probably just put more thought into this problem than anyone else in the history of the human race -- except for the guy who designed this 1200 watt microwave with a TV built into the door.

The TV unit is 15 inches, and even includes a DVD player. While you probably won't pop a movie in while waiting for your popcorn to pop, we're all for having a space-saving TV in the kitchen. You can watch a cooking show while you cook. Or Battlestar Galactica. We won't judge, either way.