paris

This is the part of the season where Ryan gets creative with his elimination torture. Seacrest is the master of the long and tedious elimination. I wonder if, when he was in high school, he put his girl(?)friends through the same emotional rollercoaster ride before telling them that they would not be his prom date. Naw, no way. Seacrest was probably too nice a guy, too much of a dork to ask any girl to prom.

I will not put you through that same amount of torture -- Mandisa is out. I'm surprised, but not saddened by it. She was a great performer, but just didn't have enough personality to take her all the way. And what she lacked in personality, she made up for in big booty. Big boobs can get you to the top, but not a big butt. A big butt can only get you to about the middle. (Unless you're riding the coattails of P. Diddy...cough, cough....J.Lo) Plus, with Elliott and Paris joining her in the bottom three, no way was I rooting for Mandisa to stay.

You know who should have been in the bottom three? Kenny Rogers. He just doesn't have it anymore. I could make a lame he needs to "know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em" joke here, but I'm not. Instead, I'm going to abruptly change the subject, and even more abruptly end this post. When is it going to be Dolly Parton night on American Idol? How great would it be to have Dolly Parton on? Her and Kellie could have a calamari giggle-off.

If reality television stars can't find true love through liquor and hot tubs, is there any hope for the rest of us? It's true, the latest happy couple created on ABC's The Bachelor is splitsville. Despite professing mutual admiration for each other when The Bachelor concluded last month, it turns out that Travis Stork and Sarah Stone weren't meant to be. Stork gave Stone a diamond ring on a necklace during the season finale on Feb. 27th, but didn't propose. He just said he wanted to return to Nashville (hometown for both of them) to see how it goes. Of course, that actual interaction happened in November and the two haven't been allowed to see each other or date until the season finale aired last month. Stork and Stone follow a long line of The Bachelor couples who haven't made it. In fact, the only couple that survives is The Bachelorette's Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter, who married in December 2003.

American Idol isn't just a talent competition, it's also the slowest televised makeover on television. How do they manage to makeover the contestants sooooo slowly? They look better and better every week. And yet, it's not an extreme makeover. It's done so gradually that you barely realize it's happening, but it's happening. A tweeze of the eyebrows here, a push-up bra there. It's really amazing. I think they do it that way so you still recognize the contestants every week. Imagine if they would have done Clay Aiken's makeover all at once? It would have felt like a fraud. It's better this way. Slow and steady wins the race.

One person in need of a makeover is Ryan Seacrest.

I've been hearing rumors that Travis and Sarah's "perfect" romance that wound up on "The Bachelor: Paris" Monday  might already be done, and certainly the fact that the two didn't do the usual press rounds didn't seem like a good sign.  Maybe they are private people (ha!) or maybe, just maybe, all that perfectness just didn't last. Reader Terese sent me a link to Bricks and Stones, who have more solid proof. It's a bit friend-of-a-friend, but it seems Travis has reunited with his girlfriend of five years. He and Sarah did date briefly and Travis is now in consultation to be a doctor consultant on ABC shows (surprise, surprise). The juiciest and saddest detail is that during the final rose ceremony, he said "I love you Sarah," but asked ABC and to edit it out since "it wouldn't be fair to her now." Ouch! 

And while we are rumor-mongering, a link on Bricks and Stone also lead me to a comment on the BachelorRecap blog (it's the anonymous one at 2:09) which has an email that is allegedly from Mike, Travis's brother-in-law. It says that he and Sarah are done, that she may be dating a football player (the Tennessean reports she is dating a friend of a football player,) and that if Travis had it to do all over again he would have picked Susan and Jehan to go to the final two. Does this set a record for the fastest Bachelor break-up?

It's time to play Meet the Parents with Dr. Bland. We begin with Moana, the Paris Pariah. Travis heads to her home town of San Clemente. Moana seems a whole lot less uptight now that she is Stateside. Romantic surfboard smooching ensues. Back at the Moana ranch, ye olde Dad looks none-to-pleased to meet Dr. Bland in the beginning and it only gets worse. The dad asks if Travis is a Christian and in general they don't really seem to like him much and Travis, who seems pretty accustomed to having everyone adore him, seems a bit shaken.

Next Travis zooms up to Canada to see the younger Sarah. She seems a bit ill at ease and over beers lets Travis know that the girls in the house didn't like Moana. Travis doesn't speak ill of Moana but Canadian Sarah doesn't budge saying that she is aggravated and frustrated by the fact that Travis chose Moana as one of the final girls. At Canadian Sarah's house things go fairly well. Travis finds out that Sarah still lives at home. At dinner, Sarah mentions the other girls and is clearly still all turned around about the other girls but after the date she seems more secure and they get cozy on the bed in her room. Very high school.