paula abdul leaving idol

2009 was a big year for American Idol. After airing for seven wildly successful seasons with three judges, Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul, producers decided to throw a fourth judge into the mix, bringing songwriter Kara DioGuardi on board for season eight. It was a controversial move, and to the surprise of very few people, it went ... poorly.

The judges, who had spent seven seasons learning the rhythm of the show, were suddenly forced to contend with a fourth voice. As none of these folks were exactly shrinking violets to begin with, this led to a lot of jockeying for the mic, which in turn wasted a lot of time. It wasted so much time, in fact, that critiques would get cut off, the show would run long, and at times, judges wouldn't be allowed to speak at all.

So at the end of this harried season, it was no surprise that someone would be shown the door. Many thought that it would be newbie judge Kara DioGuardi. Instead, it was Paula Abdul who was given the boot, and replaced by music legend ... Ellen DeGeneres?

If you're still scratching your head over Paula Abdul's sudden departure from American Idol, here's a theory.

Maybe she had a hard time taking extreme criticism from a man responsible for unleashing (heh) one of the most godawful songs on the planet.

Back in the early 80's, a young Simon Cowell helped bring "Ruff Mix," a techno tune consisting entirely of dogs barking, to the music world's increasingly tone deaf ears. He was so committed to making the song a success that he was even willing to go on national television dressed as the song's main character, Wonderdog, to promote it.

"You stayed true to who you are, Paula. You were a real superstar up on that dais. And you looked great ... sometimes. Other times you looked like you poured yourself into a dress too small for Mary-Kate Olsen, but I digress. You were a little pitchy at times. Did I say pitchy? I meant tipsy, but we're still so proud of you.

"You were just so cute I wanted to squeeze you, pinch your head off and dangle it from my car's rear-view mirror. All of the judges are just so talented and amazing at what they do, and the competition won't be the same without you. But don't worry, Paula. This isn't the end for you. This is the beginning of your career. You can do anything you want because you are a star. Touchdown!"