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May 28, 2012

quotes

And I Quote: The best lines of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Oct 20th 2006 4:45PM

sharkThe TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:
  • "Yes, I know, I'll get letters." -- Boston Legal's Alan Shore, after bashing Freedom of Religion during the closing arguments of a trial.
  • "What are you, a Democrat?" -- Fellow officer to McNulty when McNulty allows Omar his one phone call while being arrested, on The Wire.
  • "I'm not part of any organization that has initials." -- Evil Glasses-Guy to Officer Parkman, when accused of working for the FBI, or maybe the CIA on Heroes.
  • "That guy from Labyrinth just turned into a bird!" -- Hank, after watching David Bowie fly away, on The Venture Bros.

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And I Quote: The best lines of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Oct 13th 2006 4:20PM

ugly bettyThe TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:
  • "Somewhere in a parallel universe bizarro-Dick is being a total killjoy." -- Dick Casablancas to Veronica Mars, when she tells him she's rushing a sorority, on Veronica Mars.
  • "When I was 23, I had a paper route." -- David Letterman, about Nikki Hilton opening up her own hotel.
  • "This is macaroni and cheese. It's what American's eat when they want to commit suicide slowly." -- Eden on Heroes.
  • "In the end, when everyone else in this unit is buried and be-shitted, this Detective Sargent will still be standing." -- Sgt Landsman explaining CYA to Kima Greggs on The Wire.
  • "What? Haven't you ever seen a smoking dwarf before?" -- Attorney Bethany Horowitz on Boston Legal.

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And I Quote: The best lines of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Sep 29th 2006 3:53PM

boston legalThe TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:

  • "... Wanna go halvsies on a skin flick?" - Doc Venture, to Doctor Orpheus, right after apologizing for some homophobic remarks, on The Venture Bros.
  • "How you expect to run with the wolves come night when you spend all day sparing with the puppies?" - Robber of drug dealers, Omar, after having drugs surrendered over to him, unasked for and without a fight, on The Wire.
  • "It's not perjury if you honestly don't remember." - Tommy Caffee's mentor, Judd, trying to get Tommy to give a self-serving deposition against his brother, on Brotherhood.
  • "Do you ever get the feeling you were meant to do something extraordinary?"
    "I'm driving a cab, you may have noticed." - Peter and Mohinder, on Heroes.
  • "Oh please, if there were new guys they'd have shown up in the season premiere." - Denny Crane to his new attorneys on Boston Legal.
  • "Who do you think you're kidding? You and I both know you spent hours deliberating which dress in your closet best displayed that world-class cleavage of yours." - Christian, trying to seduce Michelle, on Nip/Tuck.

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And I Quote: The best lines of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Sep 22nd 2006 4:41PM

The TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:

  • larry king"Has your pit bull ever killed anyone?" - Larry King, to guest Rachael Ray.
  • "You make the legal system into a game to be played for fun and profit."
    "You make that seem like a bad thing ..." - D.A. Devlin to Stark, on Shark.
  • "Did you ask [the victim] who shot him?"
    Uniformed officer: "Yeah. He said it was a guy with a gun." - Detective Bunk on The Wire, questioning first officer on a crime scene.
  • "Never have I had to step over dead bodies to get my hair done!" - Rose's friend, on Brotherhood after the pair pass the scene of police investigating a street shooting.
  • "I'm sure you were great, but it was the National Anthem, they were standing already." - Matt, about his ex-girlfriend Harriet saying she got a standing ovation when she sang before a Dodgers game, on Studio 60.

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And I Quote: The best one-liners of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Sep 2nd 2006 9:51PM

kyle xyThe TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:
  • The White Prince: "I am a seraphim, a prince appointed by a power much higher than us!"
    Blade: "You're nothing but another crazy-ass vampire." -- Blade: The Series
  • "Hey, you folks excited about the new Elizabeth Taylor book? (applause) Then you're gay."- - David Letterman, to his studio audience
  • "I lost to Barry Manilow! I lost to Copacabana! Singing and dancing is not performing. Losing to Wolverine I could've lost to, he's got claws for hands!" -- Stephen Colbert, on losing at the Emmys
  • "I'm the only straight man to bring his mother two years in a row." -- Jeremy Piven, accepting his Best Supporting Actor Emmy
  • "My eighth grade history teacher, who told me to sit down and shut up because I wasn't funny. No, thank you Mr. McAdoo...my boss when I was a production assistant on Step by Step, who made me clean the gum off the executive producer's shoe...and finally God. I am sure you are responsible in some way, but you took my hair and that's not cool man." - Greg Garcia, accepting his award for My Name Is Earl
  • "Unfortunately Father, you don't answer to me." -- Dep. Chief Brenda Johnson to a priest who apologizes to her for not knowing about a romantic relationship between one of his students and a death row inmate on The Closer
  • "That's an unfortunate tie." -- Rose Caffee on seeing Pete's attempt to dress up for Mike's surprise party on Brotherhood
  • Josh Trager: "So after all that you're just a regular kid with regular parents?"
    Kyle XY: "Apparently."
    Josh: "I liked you better as an alien." -- Kyle XY
  • "I'll tell ya something that I know is true. The Indians here -- the tomahawk variety -- some of them believe -- well, used to believe before most of them were slaughtered -- that when a warriors kills another in battle, he absorbs that fallen warrior's spirit. So this isn't the end for you, doc. You're with me now." -- T-Bag to the pet doctor he's about to kill, on Prison Break

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And I Quote: The best one-liners of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Aug 25th 2006 3:48PM

Agent Alexander MahoneThe TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:

  • "Most of all, what I'll remember about my time at the show, are the decent, ordinary working folks I've met...and tried to bone." -- Rob Corddry, on his last day at The Daily Show.
  • Shen: "So the enemy of my enemy is my friend?"
    Blade: "I don't have a problem killing my friends either." -- Blade: The Series
  • "It's his last week and we're just trying to think up terrible stuff for him to do." -- Jon Stewart, after Rob Corddry reported from a toilet on The Daily Show.
  • "Do you think I like upsetting you?" -- Chief Will Pope to Dep. Chief Brenda Johnson on The Closer.
  • "A pleasure carving a baby in half with you as alway, Tommy." -- The mayor after negotiating a compromise in committee with Tom Caffee, on Brotherhood.
  • "Now you're a master lip reader? Is there anything you can't do?" -- Josh just after Kyle discovers he can lip read, but before he discovers he has super hearing, on Kyle XY.
  • "The problem I find with being 'on a trail' is that, by definition, you'll always be behind your prey." -- Agent Alexander Mahone to Bellick, on Prison Break.

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And I Quote: The best one-liners of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Aug 18th 2006 4:19PM

tom hell's kitchenThe TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:

  • "I am what I am...and I'm not a bad looking guy." -- Tom, on Hell's Kitchen.
  • "It feels like someone with a fever is yelling at my pants!" -- Hank, while drying his pants with the hand dryer on The Venture Bros.
  • "After posting an especially attractive picture of my prison-sculpted abs, she commented that I was not only 'foine', but 'teh sex'... whatever that means." -- The Monarch, explaining how he met his date on LiveJournal, on The Venture Bros.
  • "Hezbollah might be a ragtag group of undereducated extremist militiamen, but at least they're not FEMA." -- Correspondent John Oliver, regarding Lebanon's rebuilding efforts, on The Daily Show.
  • Krista: "She was dying!"
    Blade: "That's what humans do." -- Krista explains to Blade why she just had to turn her mother into a vampire, on Blade: The Series.
  • "Woah, that must be his alien voice ... sort of a mix between human and dolphin!" -- Josh (listening to a tape of Kyle XY's weird under-hypnosis mutters), on Kyle XY.
  • "Enough of these motherf***ing snakes on this motherf**ing plane." -- Samuel L. Jackson giving a script reading from his new movie to reporter Monica Novotny on Countdown with Keith Olbermann.
  • "Mike, we gotta find a new area to bury people, we've run outta run under the overpass. Anyway they got all that oil down there ... causes cancer, ya know?" -- Pete, on Brotherhood.

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And I Quote: The best one-liners of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Aug 11th 2006 3:44PM

The TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:

  • merrick turtle"How bad do you want me to be?" Lt. Provenza to Dep. Chief Brenda Johnson after she tells him they're going to play good cop, bad cop with a suspect, on The Closer.
  • "Then get yourself a badass summer-weight coat." -- Chen, after a leather-clad Blade gets after him for not fixing the Blademobile's air conditioning, on Blade: The Series.
  • "Oh, Rusty. You are never alone. Those stars -- well, okay, you can't see them right now 'cause we're in the city -- but those stars... they're always watching us!" -- Jonas The Alien, to Doc Venture, on The Venture Bros.
  • "Join the Army and spend your mid-life crisis in a real-life crisis." -- Jon Stewart, regarding the Army's new age limit, on The Daily Show.
  • "Trust me, they're top notch!" -- Ryan McPoyle, commenting on his sister's breasts, on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
  • "You will not mistake the newspaper man. He looks like a big turtle." -- Hearst, regarding A.W. Merrick, on Deadwood.
  • "This whole experience has given me a whole new skin on life." -- Virginia, on Hell's Kitchen.

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And I Quote: The best one-liners of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Aug 4th 2006 3:30PM

The TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:

  • rescue me"For every G.I. Joe we have, we have one Gomer Pyle and one Beetle Bailey." -- Jon Stewart, regarding the Army, on The Daily Show.
  • "Do I come off as gay? Because sometimes people call me 'bookish'... but I think that's code." -- Stephen Colbert, after the DC delegate asked about his sexual orientation, on The Colbert Report.
  • "If I'd a know what a murderous son of a bitch you'd turn out to be, I'd a killed you in my womb." -- Blade's mother speaking in a dream, on Blade: The Series.

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And I Quote: The best one-liners of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted May 20th 2005 4:06PM

  • Gilmore Girls"I'll take 'Jap Anus Relations' for two-hundred." - Darrell Hammond's Sean Connery to Will Ferrell's Alex Trebek on SNL, refering to 'Japan U.S. Relations' category of Celebrity Jeopardy skit.
  • "You don't scare me. I'm not afraid of you. There's only one thing I'm afraid of and that's rottweilers...and expired mayonnaise." - Ryan Reynolds, playing a security guard, on Mad TV.
  • "When he breaks something of mine, I break something of his. That's just the rules of the house." - Sister, talking about her little brother, on Nanny 911.
  • "Rory, the penal system isn't something to enjoy, it's something with a name that makes us giggle." Lorelai, after Rory gets out of jail, on Gilmore Girls.
  • "I think talking to ghosts may skew younger than talking to God." - CBS president Les Moonves, explaining why the network canceled Joan Of Arcadia and instead picked up Ghost Whisperer.
  • "I've seen 300 pound linebackers holding up the Super Bowl trophy with tears streaming down their faces." - Kendra of The Apprentice, answering to Donald Trump's problem with her joyful crying at the conclusion of her final task.

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