Black Friday is less than a week away, and if you're stumped for gift ideas for a boy anywhere in the family, you could do worse than going with Star Wars: The Clone Wars merchandise.

The show remains one of the highest rated programs for males aged 12-25. That's no surprise since boys have always been the cash cow of George Lucas' $3 billion empire (no pun intended).

Hasbro is the emperor of Star Wars toys (at least those for kids), and the company has a couple of new, higher end items for the 2009 holidays.

The Clone Wars Remote Control R2-D2 is pretty much as advertised. For about $30, you get a replica of a Death Star comm-link that controls the droid's movements, sounds and lights. A kid will have fun driving him around the house. But, the toy is more fun for adults if you imagine that every beep he makes is really a rude, digitized curse word.

When I first came across this video on my web travels, I thought it was part of that infamous Star Wars Holiday Special that aired in the 70s and hasn't been seen on television since (I think George Lucas is trying to forget it even exists). However, this is actually from Donny & Marie, and it's just as surreal, if not more. Long before she was dancing with other stars, Marie played Princess Leia to Donny's Luke Skywalker. Kris Kristofferson plays Han Solo (and looks like he'd rather be someplace else), the voice of Darth Vader is Thurl Ravenscroft (Tony the Tiger!), and General Harkin is played by...Paul Lynde!

The most incredible part though is Redd Foxx, who hovers above and gives little bits of wisdom. The 70s were a very screwed up time. I also don't think that Donny & Marie would get very far if they tried out for American Idol. I used to watch this show though.

(Note, the first video after the jump is completely out of ;sync. Believe me, it wouldn't be any better if the sound and video were together.)

I'm serious. If you buy me this totally awesome R2-D2 with a DVD projector, iPod dock, MP3 player and a bunch of other awesome things, I will pay you back by doing chores around your home. I'll rake your carpet. I'll vacuum your lawn. I'll wash your kids and take your truck to the zoo. I'm not sure how much it costs, but can you really put a price on my happiness? Yes, you can: it's however much this R2-D2 thing costs. And it even comes with a Millennium Falcon remote.

"But, Adam," some of you might be saying, "I never agree with anything you write, why should I buy you this gadget?"

If that's the case, record yourself on a DVD complaining to me. Then send the DVD along with the R2-D2 DVD player thingy. I promise I will watch the DVD and respond to you*. Besides, when I watch the free DVDs studios occasionally send to me I need something better to watch them with than my regular old TV. Let's all work together to make this happen.

[via Boing Boing]

*"Watching the DVD" can mean looking at the disc without ever actually putting it in a DVD player.