rap

(S03E01) Ahh, what a way to start off a season. Hustle hasn't lost any of its steam. The stories are just as twisted as ever and the stylistic aspects have gotten even better. It's really a visually stunning program. This episode was very smart and extremely funny (this was mostly due to the fact that several of the British actors attempted to utilize American accents and ebonics... at the same time). The episode started with Mickey, Ash, Danny, and Stacie working a short con, the Jamaican Switch, for some extra cash while Albert attempted to rope in a new mark. The short con worked perfectly, but just as Albert got his mark right where he needed him, the mark had a heart attack and had to go to the hospital.

As Anna mentioned a while back, Paris Hilton, who is always busy drinking a lot, breaking up with boyfriends, dissing ex-best friends, partying, and forgetting the name of her own videogame, is planning to release an album. Now we know what it's going to be: reggae, rap, and hip-hop. And you thought you'd never see the words "reggae," "rap," "hip-hop," and "Paris Hilton" in the same sentence.

The apocalypse is near.

She's also going to do a cover of Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?", but she'll probably drain any sexiness out of it and just make it rather irritating. Or maybe she'll change the title to "Do Ya Think I'm Hot?" And millions will answer "no."

The first single will be titled "I'm Such A Damn Moron" "Stars Are Blind."

Rapper/actor Ice Cube is joining the chorus of performers who have a problem with Oprah. Cube tells FHM magazine that he thinks he wasn't invited on her show when Barbershop II came out because he is a rapper (Oprah did have Cedric the Entertainer and Eve on). He also takes it a step further by saying, "She's had damn rapists, child molesters and lying authors on her show. And if I'm not a rags-to-riches story for her, who is?" Forget East vs. West. It's Rappers vs. Oprah (and I think Oprah will prevail).

Fellow rappers Ludacris and 50 Cent have also voiced their discontent with Oprah's lack of hip-hop artists on her show. Oprah was pretty clear with Ludacris, when he was on a year ago for Crash, that she did not approve of his dirty and derogatory lyrics. However, she did defend herself on an NYC radio station after 50 Cent accused her of banning rappers from her show. She said she even has a little 50 Cent on her iPod, and she loves Mary J. Blige, Kanye West, and Jay-Z.

So. Is this just a ploy by these guys to get some face time on Oprah or what?

On May 16 at 10:30 MTV will premiere Jamie Kennedy's Blowin' Up, a quasi-reality series in which Kennedy and his pal Stu Stone (who met when they worked on the animated series Da Mob) try to score a record contract with their quirky rap songs. They've been showing a pretty lengthy trailer for the series on both MTV and MTV2 and you can also watch the first part of the premiere episode over on MTV's site.

The show doesn't seem all that interesting, but it has me intrigued nonetheless. While it is ostensibly about Kennedy wanting to get a record deal, the show actually seems built around the fact that he's not a very good rapper. Stu Stone, whom Kennedy describes as the DJ Jazzy Jeff to his Fresh Prince, knows how to spin, but his rap skills aren't much better than Kennedy's. So, rather than making a "serious" show, they make one about being turned down constantly in their quest to secure a record deal. It's an odd mix of "please take me seriously" and "I'm just having fun with this," and it could be interesting to watch Kennedy try to inhabit the skin of both a "serious" rapper and a self-deprecating comedian. It might not be Breaking Bonaduce, but it could open a tiny window into the inner machinations of Jamie Kennedy's brain, for whatever that's worth.

Last year Karrine Steffans, a woman who has appeared in several rap videos and starred opposite Vin Diesel in A Man Apart, released a book where she revealed her intimate  moments with famous people such as Diesel, Usher, and Shaquille O'Neal. Despite the outward appearance of these stud muffins, Steffans claims that the only man who could really rock her world was Bill Maher. Now, in my infinite cruelty, I would like all of you to stop for a moment and savor the image I just planted in your brain of Maher making hot, nasty love. That's right, you hate me. Steffans also states, "He made me a better person. I never expected fidelity and commitment from Bill Maher." I guess we learn new things everyday, huh? Even those things we really didn't want to know in the first place.

[via Best Week Ever]

The Andy Milonakis Show is currently in its second season on MTV2,  but a lot of us knew about Andy before he was on television, when he used to create little skits on his Web cam and ad lib his own rap songs over on the Angry Naked Pat site. When I spoke to Andy a few years ago he said he was interested in making an album of comedy rap songs, and it looks like the first song has been "leaked" (but not really) and you can hear it by clicking here. It's called "Me No Like Hollywood Douche Bags," and Andy uses the song to state with great clarity his dislike of douche bags from Hollywood. I assume douche bags from Sacramento are okay, though. The song is mildly amusing until he seems to run out of ideas and just starts saying "suck my ***k" a lot. I think this could be turned into a funny video, but as an audio file only it's a bit of a let down, even if I do agree with the sentiment. 

Here's a lesson for anyone who finds himself suddenly famous for no real reason: if you're going to suck, at least do it with some originality. Thomas Dolby is thinking about taking legal action against Kevin Federline, Brit's hubby, for sampling "She Blinded Me With Science" on his new song "America's Most Hated." Why K-Fed chose to use that song and not one of Dolby's lesser-known tunes like "She Deafened Me With Advanced Algebra" is beyond me. Anyway, the story gets a little weirder. Technically, K-Fed didn't use "She Blinded Me With Science," he used a track by Mobb Deep called "Got It Twisted" which itself sampled "She Blinded Me With Science." Mobb Deep's track, however, was actually approved by Dolby. Oh, and don't think Dolby's anger has anything to do with K-Fed himself. Turns out Dolby just doesn't think the song is very good.
 

[via Pop Candy]

Britney's hubby Kevin Federline told Blender recently that if his career as a crappy rap artist doesn't pan out that he'll probably turn to stripping.

Lucky for you I just finished work on my time machine and visited the future. As it turns out, Mr. Federline will in fact become a stripper. Here's what I saw during his first night at the Boom Boom Club:

Lawyers. They're the real "Debbie Downers" of this world. The fellas over at YouTube have been told by NBC that they can no longer play the now-infamous Lazy Sunday rap from SNL. That rap was huge for SNL, which has been at rock bottom for several years now. After it aired on Dec. 17, Lazy Sunday spread rapidly on the web, including at YouTube, which reportedly had 1.2 million downloads of the video within ten days. The popularity of the rap led to an article in the New York Times about the song and the "viral" power the internet has when people think something is cool. NBC finally got a clue and put the video on its website (for Windows users only) and in iTunes, where it now costs $1.99 to download.

Boing Boing has a really good argument about why NBC should be "sending flowers and chocolates to YouTube, not love notes from lawyers."

A bodyguard, Israel Ramirez, was gunned down recently outside a warehouse in New York City where rapper Busta Rhymes was making a video for his song "Touch It." Five hundred people had gathered for the taping, including recording artists Mary J. Blige, 50 Cent,and Missy Elliot. Rameriz, a father of three children, was hired to guard expensive jewelry belonging to Busta Rhymes. It's unknown what exactly led to the violence, though a car from the area that had been struck with bullets is being analyzed by authorities. 

Poor Kevin Federline can't catch a break. His new rap single, PopoZao, is being trashed by music critics. Entertainment Weekly said it was worse than expected and Billboard calls it "a monument to mediocrity." The song has Brazilian stylings and, although it's three minutes long, K-Fed only raps for one minute, in which he explains what 'PopoZao' means. He raps, "In Portuguese, it means bring your ass." Niiiice. The rest of the song is just him whooping and grunting. You can see (and hear) K-Fed rockin' out to his new single here.

Maybe all that bad karma that is catching up with K-Fed. You know... leaving your girlfriend when she's seven months pregnant with your second child, and mooching off your rich wife. His crap single could be payment for all that.

BET executives have been working hard on defending Lil' Kim's (real name: Kimbery Jones) new reality show, Lil' Kim: Countdown to Lockdown. Lil' Kim recently got into some trouble with the law regarding a shootout between her friends and some rivals. She was sentenced to some jailtime (a year and a day) and this reality series, premiering March 9, will follow her as she prepares for her time away (recording some music, doing a video, caring for her family, etc.). The executives have been insisting that the situation and subject will not be taken lightly and that the series is a chance for the rap star to reveal herself (um... emotionally). It's probably just me, but I always find it a little hard to take something completely seriously when it has any sort of wordplay in the title...

This link's been floating around the web since Sunday, but I figured it would be good to post this here. If you missed Saturday night's SNL (I did; I was actually out having a life for once) but want to see the "Lazy Sunday" sketch -- otherwize known as the "Chronicles of Narnia Rap", you can see it here. I must say, it's inspired, and it's one of the best things I've seen on SNL in a number of years. So, if I were taking that poll we set up on who's leaving the show, I'd probably not vote for Chris Parnell, just so the show can pair him up with Andy Samberg for another rap.

Oh, the video's also at NBC's site for the show.

Thanks to Tom Biro for the screen cap and for pointing me to the lyrics, which have been posted at Gothamist.