(S06E18) "When you think about it, tons of couples do what we do. It's just that with most of them, one spouse doesn't know. We decided things work better when people tell each other the truth." - Julia, the patient, on her open marriage to Tom

Last night's episode had a theme that didn't involve lessons like eating nothing but rabbit meat is lethal or that hemlock can cause tachycardia and uncontrollable salivation.

It was all about relationships and trust. Some were obvious like the never-ending drama between Taub and his exasperated wife and some not so much like the unspoken one between Wilson and House and the woman who has come between them.

And just so you know, this episode doesn't end with unnecessary double-male spooning, so feel free to read on ahead while you enjoy that tasty Jimmy Dean pancake sausage on a stick.

What is the deal with vampires? That seems to be the question on everyone's lips this season. Not just us commoners either - last week George Stromboulopolos asked Shawn Ashmore for his opinion (who is apparently qualified to answer based on his appearance in the 'X-Men' movies) - and Shawn had no reply. When such great minds as these are flummoxed, who am I to tackle the subject? And yet, here we are.

I think we all know that vampires in pop culture are metaphorical, but we're not really sure what they're standing in for. With zombies, George Romero pretty much decided it for us. In fact, the idea that zombies stand for consumerism is so entrenched that one of the few moments of purposeful comedy in 'New Moon' has Bella's friend dismissing the latest horror flick for being so predictable.

According to a study performed by NDS, the makers of DVR technology, DVRs within households actually save relationships. 79% of the users polled said the technology has improved their love lives. There are several reasons I find this interesting.

First, the study is done by the manufacturers of the product. While I have no doubt the study is genuine, it is somewhat suspicious that such a favorable report is produced by those who profit from it.

Second, the article does not state exactly how the DVRs help relationships. There could be several reasons, of course. DVRs in the house could lead to a lack of squabbling over the recording of favorite television shows. Since you could watch the shows whenever you want, it could make for couple-bonding time in front of a TV with a DVR.

Most importantly, it could lead to a lack of actual conversation between the couple which means it's less likely that something will be said incorrectly by one party or skeletons will come flying out of the closet to ruin the relationship.

Ain't technology grand?

The Onion's A.V. Club is inviting readers to ask Sarah Silverman for sex advice. Post your question to the site, and the best questions will be forwarded to Ms. Silverman. Her answers will be included in an upcoming feature on the The Sarah Silverman Program, set for its Comedy Central debut on February 1st. Several clips from the show were recently posted online. It looks something like the non-stand-up portions of Jesus is Magic with lots of Mr. Show alums and Sarah's sister Laura in supporting roles.

I personally recommend that you seek Sarah's sex advice. She and boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel were recently featured in Esquire's "What I've Learned" issue, and they had plenty of useful relationship tips to share. For instance, pretend your parents are someone else's. This makes you more tolerant of their eccentricities. That's great advice, and when you're done gleaning all the knowledge you can from Sarah, you can send a letter to Amy Sedaris care of The Believer for further enlightenment.

I'm quickly coming to the realization that Michael Cera is a very talented guy, beyond his work on Arrested Development. The video after the jump is one of the funniest things I've ever seen on YouTube.

I'm not exactly sure what the parody is (who the heck is Aleksay Vayner?), but it's hysterical nonetheless. It's a faux-interview with Cera, where he talks about what it takes to be successful: in career, in relationships, in fitness, and in life in general. Like a teenaged, Hollywood star/Anthony Robbins. There are a ton of lines you'll be quoting to friends tomorrow, but my favorite might be about proving to his parents he could play guitar:

"Cut to nine years later, I play guitar every chance I get, when I'm not signing an autograph or reading a script or having copies of keys made. And whenever I see my mother calling on the phone, I'll pick up the guitar and play a song. They'll hear it and say, 'hi, I was wrong, how are you? I haven't spoken to you in a while.' "

[via Gawker]

Are you a Martha Stewart person or a Rachael Ray person?

I don't know if it's on the par of Mac vs. PC or Coke vs. Pepsi, but when it comes to their TV shows, I think we lean towards either one or the other. They're on at the same time in the Boston area, and I've been watching them the past week to see what the differences are, what their strengths are, their weaknesses, etc. Here's my special investigative report.

If The Today Show and Good Morning, America aren't enough for you. If CBS This Morning doesn't float your boat, and you don't really want to watch CNN's American Morning or your local morning show, then FOX has another option coming next year.

The network will launch a national morning program from New York, to be hosted by FOX News personalities Mike Jerrick and Juliet Huddy. It will feature news and celebs and music and all that. In other words, another morning show.

This flashes me back to the days when FOX actually did have a morning show. When they took Breakfast Time from FX, changed it to FOX After Breakfast, destroyed it, and then changed it into the Vicki Lawrence Show. Ugh. What a sad end to one of the great morning shows in history.

So, last month I mentioned that Shannen Doherty would be returning to television with a new reality show in which she would help people put the kibosh on bad relationships, romantic and otherwise. Well, if you live in Los Angeles, are in a crappy relationship, and feel that Ms. Doherty is the only one who can set things straight, well, then you're insane. But you're also just the right person to answer this ad, which was placed on Craigslist to lure people to take part in the new series. And heck, both parties are compensated, so whether you're the "dumper" or the "dumpee" it all works out in the end.

The new series, Breaking Up with Shannen Doherty, will air on Oxygen.

[via Perez Hilton]

(S02E16) This season's first so-so episode of The Office started with a great premise when half a joint is found in the company parking lot, and the volunteer Lackawanna County Sheriff's Deputy Dwight Schrute conducts his full (and borderline psychotic) investigation as to who is the drug fiend.

Michael tries to diffuse the situation because he admits that, at an Alicia Keys concert over the weekend, he was handed the joint by a girl with a lip ring. Obviously, he's got a lot to lose if he fails the impending urine test, so he is doing his best to calm Dwight down while espousing the evils of drug use to the rest of the staff.

A subplot that seemed rather childish and didn't seem to go anywhere was Pam and Jim's game of Jinx whereby they said the same thing at the same time, which somehow Pam wins and forces Jim not to speak for the rest of the day until he can buy her a soda (I still don't get it.) However, there were some moments that they looked into each other's eyes without speaking, and you would think their flirtation would come to some sort of climax before the end of the season/Pam's wedding.

Shannen Doherty is teaming up with the creators of Scare Tactics once again for a new reality show of sorts called Breaking Up with Shannen Doherty. No, the show isn't about people dating and breaking up with the actress, but it is about people in cruddy relationships who aren't sure whether to pull the plug or not. Doherty goes undercover to survey the situation, then deicdes whether to help instigate a break up. Thirteen episodes of the new series will air on Oxygen, though I probably won't watch it since I grew bored with it in the time it took me to type that sentence describing it. Oh yeah, and I should point out that the show won't just focus on romantic relationships, but on any kind of bad relationship.

This week we learn that Earl Hickey still can be led astray somewhat from his karmic journey. Number 37 on his list was "stole a laptop", so he and Randy begin the trek to return to it's rightful owner. Of course, through a series of flashbacks, we learn that Earl wasn't exactly the best of students, so when he learns that the laptop belongs to a college professor, his old fears of failure return.

On the way to the college campus, Earl and Randy knock over a bus stop sign as they continue to be amazed by the screen saver. He promises an elderly woman that he'll fix the sign the next day, but coming events will prevent him from doing so.

As they reach the Frostburg University campus, Earl and Randy find themselves in the middle of a frat party, and Randy is astounded by all the goings on. He asks Earl if he can stay and join in on the fun, and his brother agrees. Earl continues to search for Professor Alex Meyers, and discovers to his liking that she is an attractive professor. While trying to get her attention to give her back the laptop, the professor fears she is about to be assaulted, and promptly lands a hard kick to Earl's "cherries."

Michael Scott (Steve Carell) puts it all in perspective at the end of this episode when he describes why an office needs both men and women to be present:

"You need to have that crazy sexual tension to keep things interesting."

How did we get to this prophetic (for Michael, anyway) statement? It begins with his boss (and unrequited love interest) Jan showing up at the Scranton office of Dunder Mifflin to conduct a "Women in the Workplace" roundtable and gathers all the ladies in the conference room to discuss their lives and how it relates to their careers, and vice versa.

Michael is threatened by the fact all the "Ally McBeal" women are gathered together and thinks they're talking about him. Jan throws him out of the room, so Michael decides to gather all the male office staff down in the "bowels of the office" aka the warehouse, which is run by foreman Darrell, who is not thrilled with what is going on. In addition, let's not forget that Pam's fiance Roy works there too, and Kevin mentions to Jim that he wonders if Roy has caught wind of Jim's previous/ongoing crush on her.

Michael attempts to forge some male bonding and togetherness that although there are white collar and blue collar workers in the same place, he says he is "collar blind." However, the warehouse guys can't hide their obvious contempt for Michael, especially as he drives forklifts into inventory and ends up making a huge mess. Meanwhile, Roy and Jim make small talk and Roy brings up the aforementioned crush. He says he's cool with Jim because all of that took place years ago, so they move on.

Dr. Phil is giving advice to people who are trying to find a mate on the internet. He's signed on to dish out pearls of wisdom to potential couples on Match.com. Subscribers who pay $13/month for premium service will have access to McGraw's tips. Of course, they won't be in written form. Dr. Phil's written words just don't deliver without his incredulous looks and his Texas accent. His tips to daters will be in the form of 50 video clips, covering topics from communication, first impressions, and meaningful conversations. One of Dr. Phil's tidbits: "If you want to be a winner in love, you want to be a winner in relationships, then do what it takes." People have to pay $13/month for that crap?