As Stewart told 'Piers Morgan Tonight' (Weeknights, 9PM ET on CNN), his charmed rock star lifestyle has helped him develop a pretty specific idea about what makes a woman sexy.
"I've been out with women who've been 'Playboy' center-spreads. Absolutely gorgeous features, but no sex appeal," Stewart explained.
"What to you is sexy?" Morgan wondered.
I could discuss the lip synching that a lot of the acts decided to do (I'm looking at you, Barry Manilow) and point out just how bad Rod Stewart is at doing either old standards or soul songs. But I really want to talk about Jane Krakowski. She hosted (along with Chuck's Zachary Levi) and it was a little...surreal.
This was a variety show that wasn't too different than a special TGS that the 30 Rock gang might put on, and it almost seemed like it was Jenna Maroney hosting. Krakowski basically plays a really exaggerated version of herself on 30 Rock, and I was waiting for her to say something clueless or potentially racist or have a cat jump on her face and scratch her.
(S09E15) Last night on Dancing with the Stars many of the dancers grew stronger than ever. With Mark & Anna T. on the bottom, it guaranteed that they were either going home or dancing for their lives. Instead of having one performer singing two different songs, we have three performances thanks to DWTS pimping the Ballas Hough Band.
Encore Performance - Team Tango - The second time around, the performance still had the sizzle and the strongest timing. Kelly had this dazed look this time, possibly because she was nervous for the dance-off. Joanna still was the strongest of the night, possibly because Derek's choreography that he gave her was the strongest.
With Rachel Griffiths appearing this week, it appears that ABC's ban on their actors appearing on Leno's show may have finally been lifted. Unfortunately, she couldn't bring along a clip of Brothers & Sisters, so I guess they're still feeling a little sour. Or NBC doesn't want to promote a competing network's show too much.
At long last, the season 8 finale of American Idol has arrived! It's been fun watching all of the Idols grow in their musical prowess (that's a Paula word), especially Adam Lambert and Kris Allen, the final two performers who couldn't be more different, but are both awesome in their own way.
Ryan started things off by introducing the judges, along with a funny video clip for each of them -- Randy Jackson saying "For Me" throughout the season; Kara DioGuardi saying "sweetie" and "honey" to people who didn't make it past the audition process; Paula's round-up of colorful adjectives (vocal prowess, masterful and effortless, palette, etc.); and Simon's issues with hearing what people say (as in, he could probably use a hearing aid!).
But there's the kicker. With the exception of Sixwire and some of the members of Denver and the Mile High Orchestra, the artists chosen are way before the times of the bands at hand. I know I'm old school, but haven't there been any great songs or artists in more recent times for them to cover? This happens with American Idol, too. Since the voting and music buying audience is probably younger, I just can't understand it.
Things take a turn for the better as Rod Stewart performs Hot Legs while Edyta and Kym dance. This was really good. Rod's still got it. A bit of a departure from what we are used to seeing Edyta and Kym doing, but still fun. They both looked great and did a nice job.
The apocalypse is near.
She's also going to do a cover of Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?", but she'll probably drain any sexiness out of it and just make it rather irritating. Or maybe she'll change the title to "Do Ya Think I'm Hot?" And millions will answer "no."
The first single will be titled
Yeah, OK, not his song selection or his performance or the fans, but that ever vague, mysterious thing known as "fate."
Actually, as I've said before, I don't think Ace should have been voted out last week. It was clearly Kellie's night to go. But Americans who voted all
I'm not shocked at Ace getting the boot. His number has been up since he couldn't top "Father Figure." (Ugh, that was like the first week, right? And did you notice that Queen was not in his "Bad Day" montage? Ha ha ha!) But Chris in the bottom 3?!?!?! I suppose that America is to blame. We let him down. That's what Paula is going to tell us next Tuesday, I'm sure. But, I guess we are to blame. I didn't vote for Chris last night. I felt sorry for Ace, so I voted for him. It was a sympathy vote that I wish I could take back. I figured that Chris would slip into the bottom 3 at least once (before triumphantly winning this whole thing), but not until a later date. I know this sounds silly, and only confirms my complete absorption into AI addiction, but I felt a little bit nauseas when I saw Chris standing there next to Ace. The mere thought of Chris going home prematurely made me want to throw up. So, that confirms it -- I'm officially a member of Team Chris. I'm pledging my allegiance right now.
Chris, Paris, Taylor, and Katherine all did great. I'm not the biggest Chris fan because I think if he wins he'll do songs that sound like Creed or Lifehouse, and I'd rather jam pencils in my ears, but he sang that song perfectly. Taylor and Katherine both did really well, and Paris? Paula actually nailed it (yeah, surprising!) when she said that Paris should release an album of standards. I said that on the night Paris auditioned. She really sings that type of song great, and it will make her timeless. I hope they don't ruin her by making her a "pop" star.
The bottom three will probably be Kellie (definitely), Eliott, and Ace. If Kellie stays, the voters are insane, and I'm never watching this show again. (Elliott and Ace will be going home in the coming weeks though - no way they'll win).
Oh, and on another note: how in the world was last night a "Rod Stewart Night?" Seriously, the guy releases a few albums of standards and that qualifies as "Rod Stewart night?" Maybe they should have just called it "American Standards Night" or something. But I guess they want the big name and want to push his album. Hell, a few years ago, Pat Boone released a album of hard rock covers. If they have a "Pat Boone Night," will it be all hard rock songs?
Stewart was right when at one point he said "you sang that better than I do!" Um, yeah Rod, everyone sings these songs better than you.
You know what they didn't have a lot of back in the old days? Lyrics. Yeah, I know that the lyrics of most modern songs kind of suck. But never before did I realize how many times the chorus is repeated in older songs. It had to be you. It had to be you. It had to be you. But they are beautiful songs. But the outfits were ugly.
Not Rod, of course. He always looks sexy in his skinny, high-water suits. But Chris...
Come one, come all; here is the super secret location for our American Idol Chat! Look for me (TVSRyan) in the chat room. See you inside.
Disclaimer: All or parts of the discussion in this chatroom may be posted in a later column on this site.
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