samantha bee

John McCain wasn't the only one to have his medical history thrown into the spotlight. Barack Obama's doctor analyzed his health and released a one-page report on how muscular and lean he is. No, it's not nearly as long-winded nor as sexy as McCain's crazy 1,200 page report.

Still-President Bush (I think I will start referring to him as such, as well) paid a visit to the US Air Force Academy's graduation and had a little fun with some soldiers on this celebratory day. I'm surprised there weren't any MySpace poses in this collection of poses from the day. This would be so much more endearing if there wasn't always that underlying tone of evil in everything he does. I'm just sayin'.

"Land of the Spree": Grand Theft Auto IV was finally released and gun-wielding crazies took the streets in droves and... very politely waited in line in an orderly manner. Senior Virtual Correspondent Aasif Mandvi reported live from Liberty City to giddily talk about the chaos and loss of life throughout the game. There is nothing better than wreaking havoc in a virtual replica of the city you live in, apparently.

"Pope in America: Blessed Week Ever": As promised... Popewatch! The Pope is in America and the media has been going absolutely nuts. Their fawning descriptions of Pope Benedict have been appropriately Pope-ish. The intensity of this coverage confused Jon though, as he was still under the impression that the Jews ran the media. I think my favorite part of that JNN clip was the crawl along the bottom. "Weather: Chilly, wear a jacket.... Eat up! You're skin and bones.... Next door neighbor a doctor... A doctor!.... Oil $110 a barrel, but for you $90.... Rachel Weisz: She's a Jew you know..."

"Indecision 2008: Monsters of Nostalgia Tour": John McCain has been trying to re-introduce himself to America by hopping on a bus for a book tour across the country. Despite the inherent allure of an old guy telling stories about his past, Jon attempted to help out the Senator by adding a little pizazz to the tour. Apparently, bottled razzmatazz is one part screaming Rob Riggle and two parts exploding graphics. Not many people covered McCain's morning speeches, but the Early Show did get a little nostalgic with McCain's high school yearbook. I couldn't help but chuckle when Jon accidentally said "Law & Order: SUV". I mean, you know those desperate Law & Order folks have considered doing some sort of automobile-based spin-off to plague what little airwaves they have yet to touch.

"Gubernatorial Malfeasance": As if to let the jokes really ripen, Jon and the gang left coverage of the Eliot Spitzer scandal for this night. Actually, maybe they just wanted the full effect of the media completely crapping themselves with joy, as demonstrated by Jon's Spitzer bib. Senior Legal Analyst Rob Riggle jumped in for what was, like, the shortest correspondent contribution ever, just to drop the joke that Spitzer's link to the prostitution ring was his penis. Come on.

As if to tease the fangirls, Jon briefly talked about his salt-and-pepper hair situation, the mention of which was probably prompted by a pre-show audience question. Yes, Jon, girls are dirty. Actually, now that I think about it... I spent most of Monday morning perusing the new ColbertPics.com site (note: they're calling for fans to upload their Stephen Colbert photos to help replace the former ultimate online collection of Colbert images, WonkyEar.com, RIP) on the hunt for a decent high-res photo of Colbert's greying temples. Don't ask why; just pretend it was for artistic research. I had neglected to mention my giddiness in seeing them in person in my Colbert Report taping report from February, but, man, that silver in sweet in person.

I may have said too much. Let's move on to a classier topic... like prostitutes.

"Indecision 2008": Finally, some Tuesday coverage. Unsurprisingly, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama fought all the way through, with Clinton pulling ahead just enough to claim major victories. John McCain has already pretty much locked up the Republican nomination and Mike Huckabee, um, was Mike Huckabee. I'm usually not very fond of the gag jokes, but the giant hands worked well, if only for that "Oh, Mickey!" bit.

"Bushman of Africa": President Bush recently paid a visit to five countries throughout Africa. He shared his learnings and experiences through a slideshow, keeping it real old-school. Due to his initiatives on malaria, there will be a George W. Bush Day to raise awareness. Was that a joke, Mr. President? I'll pretend it was.

Correspondent John Oliver stopped by to talk about this strange, new caring Bush and expressed his pain in seeing that Bush had it in him to do good all along. Whenever people bash The Daily Show (or the Colbert Report) for being really unfair to Bush, I like to point them to segments like this. Sure, they have a bit of a liberal bias, but they're not afraid to point out the blunders of the Democrats, nor do they shy away from recognizing when Republicans or conservatives have done well. Seriously, these two shows are probably more fair that many mainstream news outlets. Bless their snarky little hearts.

Daily Show/Colbert Report audience members can get a little enthusiastic and break the in-studio "no shouting" rules, as demonstrated by that one person who just had to yell out, "Vagina!" Behave yourselves, why don't you? Can't they see that Jon is still suffering from the after-effects of Oscar duties?

"Last Tango in Cleveland": Recently, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton got down and dirty at the Cleveland debates, where "no rules" held back the candidates ("It's the Outback Steakhouse of debates!") Of course, the two attacked each other back and forth, but Brian Williams found moments to chime in and be charming ol' Mr. Williams. Clinton had a brief conspiracy freak-out, pointing out that she always gets the first questions.

"Indecision 2008": Did you know Super Tuesday was on Tuesday? The media did a poor job of making us think that the five to six hours leading up the results were "fascinating". They didn't help their point by hurling numbers every which way. As if to add to the confusion, the news teams goofed around with unnecessary flashy graphics, like that "statistical lazy susan", and FOX News' newest player, Karl Rove. Yes, Rove has joined FOX News. Don't think about it too much or your heart will seize up.

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"Indecision 2008": Daily Show usually focuses its mockery upon the political figures in the news, but when Jon starts riffing on the pundits and mass media, spectacular things happen. This night, Jon took on the media's exaggerations of Mitt Romney and Bill Clinton's so-called outbursts. Apparently, any sort of upward inflection is considered to be scary and abrasive. Also, I have learned that any jokes that have visual references to Pompeii are a-okay with me.

"Bush's Bucket List": President Bush, in his final year in office, has been continuing to do things that he should have done quite a long time ago. He also had an interview with Nightline's Terry Moran, which had its fair share of strange moments.

"10 Suckin' Years": It's been ten years since the Monica Lewinsky, um, situation broke, but it still doesn't look like the fellatio jokes about the administration have completely died. Just ask Carson Daly, who still uses them for his monologue sometimes to further confuse me as to why he has his own talk show. By the way, I was pretty young when the scandal happened and it caused me to believe for the longest time that "intern" was a very dirty word. Imagine my horror when I heard about the popularity of college students applying for internships to gain experience. Anyway, Correspondent John Oliver stopped by to show off his fabulous improvisational skills and talk about TDS' coverage of the scandal. He shared lots of old clips to illustrate his points (check this out for all sorts of videos from that time).

"Indecision 2008": Contrary to popular belief, "Reagan-Off" is not a delicious cousin of "stroganoff". Too lame even for me? Sorry then. More than ever, the Repubican candidates are doing their best to emphasize their connections and similarities to Ronald Reagan. The joke about Giluiani's 911 points was wonderful, as was the elaborate "truck" crossword giddiness. Did I miss the reason why Barack Obama was on the cover of the GOP comedy album? Is it because I might be an Islamo-Fascist?

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The Daily Show correspondents and analysts and very busy and important, so viewers will probably never get a chance to see the everyone show off their comedic chops at the same time. So, pore over this his GQ blog post, because it's probably going to be the closest thing we'll get to a display of their group genius.

In the article, the correspondents share their thoughts on various presidential candidates and some of their strangely hot wives. They also seem to have spent quite a bit of time thinking about the magic weight loss of both Mike Huckabee and Subway's Jared (Samantha Bee: "They've both got one pair of giant pants somewhere in their closet that they pull out every so often: Now three of me can fit in these pants!"). I don't think this is an excerpt from a larger, soon to be in-print piece, but I'm still holding out a little hope.

Hey, Viacom, don't screw this up. After being hated by YouTube-visiting Daily Show fans everywhere, Viacom is taking a big step in making up cool points. Starting today, Viacom will have every minute of the Daily Show, dating all the way back to the first episode in 1999, online at DailyShow.com. Sorry, Craig Kilborn lovers, it's just ol' Jonny Stew and his crew.

Of course, this move is probably less about pleasing the fans and more about the mad cash that Viacom will make in advertising. Hopefully the ads won't be too intrusive on the videos and folks will be able to watch their favorite "This Week In God" without being bombarded with Lars and the Real Girl imagery.