school

OK, here we go again with a SPOILER WARNING. Do not, do not, do not read on or scroll down if you don't want to find out what happens on tonight's episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation.

I remember watching the original Degrassi, back in the 50s or whenever it was originally broadcast (I feel old). I was never a regular viewer, but I remember thinking that the show was better than most teen shows, better written, with a realistic cast. And then tackled some serious topics: sex, drugs, violence, relationships. But I don't think they ever had anything like what happens on tonight's show.

(S02E11)

As a change of pace, I asked TV know-it-all Paul Goebel to write a rebuttal to today's review. Goebel is an actor and comedian who appeared as the "TV Geek" on the short-lived Comedy Central quiz show Beat the Geeks and has appeared on Curb Your Enthusiasm, Ally McBeal, Will and Grace and other shows. He currently hosts a show at the UCB Theater in Los Angeles, and does a weekly podcast with his pal Jim Bruce called "The Paul Goebel Show." If you like TV, you should check it out. His response is after my review.

Ever since Linda Lavin helmed the CBS Schoolbreak Special "Flour Babies" in 1990, the idea of students being assigned fake babies has been spoofed numerous times. The winner for best spoof goes to the Strangers with Candy episode "A Burden's Burden" in which Jerri and her classmates are assigned actually babies. There's also the South Park episode "Follow That Egg" that manages to tackle both gay marriage and child custody battles when the kids are given eggs and told to treat them like real babies.

(S02E06) This episode dealt with the line between faith and reason, which may be why I wasn't as drawn to it as other episodes. I thought it was a good episode, but the way in which the citizens of Moralton use fractured reasoning to explain their religious beliefs has been a major component of the show since it began. This episode merely brought that idea to the forefront, and while it was still funny, there wasn't much to surprise a fan like myself. I laughed several times, but was ultimately left with a feeling of "oh yeah, I knew they were gonna say that." That being said, this wouldn't be a bad episode to introduce someone to the show, as I think it's a great overview of the show and what it's trying to say.

(S02E06) One of the things I love about this show is how they pick simple one word titles (the first season did it too) and the given episode stays committed to portraying that title (a theme really) from everyone's perspective. It's a very cool storytelling technique, the way they expand upon everyone but manage to keep it cohesive. Ethan Reiff, Cyrus Voris, and everyone else who has a hand in writing and producing this show deserves a real pat on the back. They've created quite the epic. Entertaining because, well, it is. And scary because... it's real.

(S02E07) I've said before that while Everybody Hates Chris doesn't stray too far from the sitcom template, it at least gives the genre its own funky twist, making it one of very few sitcoms I'll actually watch.

For example, have you ever noticed that when a person becomes class president on TV, they tend to wield more power than any class president in real life would have? Someone gets elected, and suddenly the whole school is changed. Chris actually believes he has this kind of power, but learns too late he can't keep all the promises he made while running (fall and winter vacations, book reports only for books based on movies, etc). Chris may be the first black president the school has ever had, but he's also the first president to be impeached.

(S02E03) This episode, in which Chris runs for class president, borrowed plenty of quotes from famous speeches about race and race relations. Chris tells his best friend and campaign manager Greg he plans to beat Joey Caruso "by any means necessary," a clever nod to Malcolm X. Later, during a Q&A with the school body Caruso answers every question with a variation of Alabama governor George Wallace's infamous "segregation today, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever" line from his 1963 inaugural speech. When asked what flavor of Jello should be in the cafeteria, he answers: "grape today, grape tomorrow, grape forever." When asked about handicap access, he just repeats the quote with "ramps" in place of "grapes." After swiping the speech Greg wrote for Chris and presenting it as his own at a school assembly, Caruso rattles off quotes from both Martin Luther King and Jesse Jackson, a stark contrast to his own racist outlook.

(S02E02) I still love this show, so let me get one minor negative thing out of the way right now: is it just me, or did the character of Rochelle, Chris' mom, seem like a real bitch in this episode? I understand she's a high-spirited "ghetto snob" with a tendency to overreact, but this is the first time watching the show when I actually started to dislike the character. When Julius comes home from the doctor and tells her he has high blood pressure and needs to find ways to reduce stress, she goes off on him about the fact that she's the one who's stressed, not him. Julius, as always, just goes along with it, not wanting to exacerbate the situation. Typically, this dynamic is hilarious, but in this episode it just didn't work for me, and Rochelle just came across as cruel while Julius seemed like more of a milquetoast than usual. Of course, another way to look at it is that I'm becoming more involved with the characters, which could be seen as a good thing. Like everything else, it's all in how you frame it.

(S02E01)

Keisha, Chris' unrequited love, is getting ready to move out of Brooklyn:

Chris: Hey, where y'all movin' to?

Keisha: We're going to this place in California. It's supposed to be really, really nice. Palm trees, and lawns, and no violence and no crime.

Chris: Well, what's it called?

Keisha: Compton.

(S02E14) The city of Jefferton has a problem: dangerous levels of starch are plaguing the residents, and Tom Peters is very concerned for his family. He's even purchased an Eez-Zee Stool Strips tester so he can make sure his stepsons don't have too much starch in their system. The machine, as demonstrated in an infomercial, is easy to use. In fact, you can test your stool on a bus in less than ten minutes. All you have to do is lick the tester, stir it around in your stool, enter the number that comes up into the machine, and then hold your thumbs on the special identicators for two minutes (it helps if you have some stool on your thumbs).

It turns out Tom's stepsons do have high levels of starch in their system, which he suspects to be the fault of the food they're eating at school. The Mayor suggests he and Tom go undercover, Tom as a student, and himself as the vice-principal. To fit in with the young crowd, Tom has a special surgery in which his knees and shinbones are removed and his feet are reattached to the bottom of his thighs. Also, his vocal chords are removed and stretched on a tiny rack in order to change his voice. The result is a dwarfish version of Tom with a voice that sounds like he's been inhaling helium.

(S06E25)

Burns: Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun. I will do the next best thing: block it out.

In no episode has Burns been more evil than in the two-parter "Who Shot Mr. Burns" that bridged the sixth and seventh seasons. He becomes so evil in fact, that Smithers actually turns against him, even though it "violates every sycophantic urge" in his body.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. The episode begins with another normal day at Springfield Elementary, with one minor difference: Super Dude, the classroom gerbil, has died, crushed by his own water bottle. Willy buries the gerbil in the boiler room, assuring the dead rodent that his own father simply got thrown in the bog when he died. Although, didn't his father appear in the season ten episode "Monty Can't Buy Me Love?" Yes, he did, but let's not worry about that, okay? Okay.

(S06E21)

Marge: It took the children forty minutes to locate Canada on the map.

Homer: Marge, anyone can miss Canada, all tucked away down there.

More than anything, this episode shows just how poorly-lacking public schools are when it comes to funding. We begin with a bus ride taking place on a bus that really shouldn't even be in use. Bart and Milhouse watch as a hole in the bus floor becomes wider, forcing them to leap into the next seat while their old one is sucked under the bus. When it comes time to stop, the kids have to hold their coats out the windows like drag chutes.

When they arrive at the Civil War reenactment, it turns out it's no longer free. Since they have no money to get in, they watch from over the fence until one of the actors spots them and everyone chases after the kids for trying to learn without paying first.

(S01E08)

Mr. Jelineck: Your daughter has a disease we call anorexia.

Sara Blank: Is that contagious?

Mr. Jelineck: Yes. It often sweeps through third world countries that are stricken by drought.

A new character is introduced in this episode: Stew, the Blank's meatman. Basically, he's like a milkman, except he delivers meat. And much like the fabled milkman, he also seems a bit more interested in the lady of the house than he should be. He immediately makes himself at home in the household, taking on the role of "father" even though their real dad is still very much alive, even if he is catatonic.

(S04E02) Paul Rudd is a funny guy, and he should really do more comedy. He appeared in this episode, albeit briefly, as an instructor in Trudi's Lamaze class who informs the women, "your vagina will be ripped in half." That's about all we hear about Trudi and her pregnancy in this episode, though she does have a funny conversation with Williams where Williams explains to her that a baby must be fed everyday and cannot, as Trudi assumes, just have food laid out for it like a cat. Trudi counters with, "If I knew you were going to judge me on my parenting skills I never would have introduced you to my unborn child."

Rewinding to the beginning of the episode, the deputies discuss new policies on when they can and cannot shoot at a person. One of the new rules is that they can only shoot after they've already been shot once. Trudi inexplicably asks if she can shoot people and chickens who come into her yard.

Fans of Strangers with Candy know that Amy Sedaris based the character of Jerri Blank somewhat on real-life ex-junkie/prostitute Florrie Fisher, the centerpiece of a 1970 documentary titled The Trip Back. The documentary was just one of many television specials created during the 70s and 80s to scare kids silly when it came to drugs, or not scare them at all, depending on how much a rambling middle age woman actually frightens you. I've stuck a clip of Fisher ranting about LSD after the jump, but if you want a little more of her wit and wisdom, click here.

[via The Hater]

(S01E06)

Orlando (Jerri's Filipino friend): You should run for Homecoming queen, Jerri.

Jerri: What? Are you joking? I don't think I'm what boys consider a "traditional beauty."

Orlando: In my country you'd be a real queen.

Jerri: Yeah, well, that's because your country is ruled by monkeys.

Orlando: Jerri, that's an ugly thing to say.

Jerri: Jeez, why are you people so sensitive about your resemblance to monkeys? They're adorable!

This episode begins with a game of dodgeball and Jerri having to sit out the game because of uneven teams. Also, it seems her teammates would rather have a slow girl with two broken arms play with them rather than Jerri. Despite not actually playing, Jerri manages to get hit with the ball, prompting Yasmine, a popular girl, to remark that Jerri is probably used to balls smacking against her face.