In an interview with Diane Sawyer that aired on Friday night, Tom Cruise denied reports that he pressured Comedy Central to pull the South Park episode where he is in the closet. He told Sawyer that he was too busy filming Mission Impossible: III to worry about trivial matters like the repeat of South Park. Tom told Sawyer, "I don't spend my days going, 'What are people saying about me?'" Yeah, he pays people to do that.

So. Why did Comedy Central pull the episode?

I believe a refresher course in common sense is in order: If it's poisonous, don't eat it. If it's hot, don't touch it. If it's called Dallas, film it in Dallas, Texas. Well, now no one can say I didn't try. Apparently, the minds behind the upcoming big-screen version of Dallas have decided to film in, of all places, Jacksonville, Florida. First of all, is a remake of Dallas really necessary? Second of all... Jacksonville?! Wow, all this makes about as much sense as having Jennifer Lopez in the movie... Or having the British director of Bend It Like Beckham head the project. Next up: All the dialogue will be done... in the form of Gregorian chants!

Comedy Central has put a 'best of' Chef compilation of clips on the Motherload section of its website. If you're wondering why, read this and this. I'm assuming it includes the classic "Chocolate Salty Balls" song, but I can only speculate because Comedy Central's website doesn't like my Mac. Grrr.

Speaking of Chef and Scientology and all things wacky... South Park fans have launched a campaign to boycott this summer's release of Mission: Impossible III, starring Tom Cruise.

[Via Pop Candy]

[This episode review contains spoilers]

Isaac Hayes' time spent on South Park was no accident. He was the always the first and only choice to play Chef, and creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone worked hard to convince him their silly little cartoon would be worth doing. Over the better part of a decade, Hayes seemed to really embrace both the character and the show's brutal satire.

And until a few days ago, everything remained seemingly copacetic. Suddenly, however, Hayes left the show over its jabs at religion, leading many, including the show's creators, to believe he had actually left the show over the "Trapped in the Closet" episode which made fun of Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology, of which Hayes is also a member.

There has been a lot of uproar over the 'Come out of the Closet' episode of South Park from both Isaac Hayes (allegedly) and from Tom Cruise lately. Maybe you're getting sick of hearing about it. Or, maybe you're wishing you'd seen it when it aired a few months ago. I think it's pretty safe to assume the episode-in-question is never going to see the light of day again on Comedy Central, but the cool cats over at YouTube have been kind enough to post the ENTIRE EPISODE on their website.

They also have clips from a hilarious bit on Jimmy Kimmel where Isaac Hayes' new job is to do all the voiceover for Tom Cruise.

[Via The Superficial]

The new season of South Park kicks off tomorrow evening, and if you've been watching the promos, you might have noticed the newest episode will supposedly focus on Chef's return to South Park.

But wait, didn't Isaac Hayes, the man who plays Chef, leave the show over its satirical jabs at religion (*cough* Scientology *cough*)? Yes, in fact, he did, which is leading to some speculation as to exactly how his character will be used and whether Parker and Stone plan to use the episode to make fun of Hayes and the whole Scientology debacle. Of course, some are speculating there's more to Hayes' departure than we realize. Remember that since South Park is created on computers it's easy to throw together an episode at the last minute, and possibly that's what happened here. According to a network synopsis of the episode, Chef returns to South Park, but with noticeable changes in his personality, and the boys try to help him get back to normal. Seems like even if the show turns out not to be about the recent rhubarb, its creators are using it to get people intrigued about the new episode.

You may have noticed that Wednesday night's episode of South Park was not the one where Tom Cruise refuses to come out of the closet numerous times, as was previously scheduled. The abrupt change actually had nothing to do with the fact that the episode was the final straw for Chef Isaac Hayes. Comedy Central yanked that episode at the last minute because Tom Cruise threatened Viacom with pulling Mission: Impossible-3 advertising if it aired again (is anyone else nervous about the amount of power that man has?).

South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone released this hilarious and potentially inflammatory statement through their lawyer today:

A huge disappointment for South Park fans everywhere: Isaac Hayes has quit his role as Chef. It's no big shock that, as a Scientologist, Hayes was offended by November's "Trapped In The Closet" episode. However, many, including the South Park creators, are shocked that Hayes chose now to stand up against the cartoon's disrespect toward religion. To back out of the job and say that the material is personally offensive is one matter, but to scold the show for making fun of religions after doing season after season of jokes about Christians, Mormons, Buddhists, Hindus, and everything else under the sun, is downright preposterous (and it takes a hell of a lot to make me use "preposterous"). Frankly, I am saddened by both Hayes' decision and his reasoning.

Chef has always been one of my favorite characters... I'm too distraught to even make a chocolate salty balls joke.

The British won't get to see the infamous episode of South Park, which outted Tom Cruise something like 13 times in 22 minutes. Cruise, who has a crazy fear about people thinking he's gay, complained about the episode to Paramount and the production company agreed not to play it again. According to The Register in the U.K., Paramount got worried that Cruise would sue them, as he has sued so many tabloids in the past whenever they 'out' him.

The episode in question aired November 16th here in the states. It featured Nicole Kidman and John Travolta characters who kept pleading for Tom to "come out of the closet." At one point, Kidman's cartoon character says, "Don't you think this has gone on long enough? You're not fooling anyone." It really was a funny episode and I'm sad that our friends in Britain won't see it but I'm sure if you scour the internet hard enough, you'll find it.

(Part 2 of 5)

For me, 2005 will always be the year when we all learned that Tom Cruise is crazy. It was nearly halfway through the year when it all started, but I remember it as if it were yesterday...

It all began when he leaped onto Oprah's couch in May. He was on her show to promote War of the Worlds, but all he did was talk jibberish about some B-list celebrity girl we all know for her starring role in a teen-angst drama on WB. He jumped around for 40 minutes of the program and at one point, he appeared to actually murder Oprah Winfrey. How did he and Katie Holmes meet? He couldn't really answer it. What is it about Katie Holmes that makes him love her so? He couldn't really answer that either, except to say she's "remarkable" and "amazing". Later, he also told Billy Bush that "Kate" was a wonderful talent, and that he had seen her on "Dawson Creek". Dude, it's possessive. Dawson's Creek. Obviously he knows her very well. They had been dating since, like, April.

Most of this story rests with Tom Cruise being a whiney little bitch, so chances are it's going to happen. Way back in 1997, when Tom Cruise was married to a young Hollywood bombshell and had a newborn child, someone accused him of being homosexual. At the time, it was a trashy checkout magazine and it wasn't meant to be serious. Flash forward to 2005 -- Tom Cruise is engaged to one of Hollywood's rising stars, who's pregnant with his "seed", and a trashy TV show repeatedly pleaded for him to "come out of the closet." The show was South Park (anyone surprised?), and the episode in question was the November 16th "Trapped in the Closet".