screw

If you had plans to screw Paris Hilton, you'll have to put those on the back burner for the time being because the hotel heiress apparently plans to give up the horizontal hokey pokey for one year. I commend Paris on her decision, for I too have obstained from sex in the past, just never by choice. She claims she wants to "rediscover" herself and that one-night stands aren't really her thing. She further states, "Guys want you more if you don't just hand it to them on a platter." Well, yeah, or they just move to another part of the "restaurant" where it actually is being served to them on a platter. Perhaps this is the first step to a new Paris? Is our party girl finally going to settle down? I hope she decides in the next three minutes because that's about how much longer I'm going to care.

[via Dave Barry]