Well, we no longer have to dream the impossible dream. 'Bridalplasty' (Sun., 9PM ET on E!), is the cosmetic-surgery-based series you never asked for. On the show, women compete to become "the perfect bride." "Perfect" in this case being defined as "adding boob jobs and tummy-tucks to your natural features."
The series is hosted by Shanna Moakler -- who just so happens to be a former beauty queen. In a bit of surgery-based synchronicity, Shanna previously ran a beauty pageant which paid for its winners' breast implants. And one of those winners was ... Carrie Prejean -- the Miss USA runner-up who became entangled in controversy, following a highly-publicized debate with Perez Hilton about gay marriage.
The cookie was placed on top of the women's eyes ... and then they had to move it down to their mouths. So they winked, twitched, and wiggled in order to win the contest. Cookie-eating has seldom seemed so alluring before. The former Miss Puerto Rico got the cookie in her mouth first -- she attributed her victory to a lack of Botox, which made her face more flexible. Good to know!
In the latest twist on reality competitions, The CW presents Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants, in which mothers and daughters compete as pairs for a top prize of $100,000. The show premieres Wednesday, December 12, 9/8c. Let me preface by saying that I have enjoyed such twisted programming as Joe Millionaire and The Swan, so was hopeful that I could find something to appreciate here. While it has potential, and I do have favorite contestants already, this first episode has some serious problems.
I can only hope that more editing will be done before the final cut makes it to air as there was a likely unintentional but glaringly racial imbalance in the introduction of the teams. Not to mention painfully obvious attempts to fake tension and drama where there really isn't any. Things might grow more intense as egos clash, but for now things are fairly bland. Even the first challenge was boring. They really needed to step it up to try and encourage viewers to stick around for the entire eight week run, and I don't think they did. More and minor spoilers after the jump.
Our dear, dear friends over at AOL Television have an exclusive interview with Cheryl Burke. You're probably scratching your heads at this point, wondering who the heck Cheryl Burke is. Well, you may not know her by name, but you certainly know her by her moves, especially if you are fan of ABC's Dancing With the Stars. Over the last two seasons Cheryl has shimmied across the dance floor with celebrity performers. Last year she was paired with Drew Lachey and this time around she is partnered with Emmitt Smith.
In the interview, Cheryl breaks the news of an upcoming Dancing tour. While there is nothing confirmed as of yet, Burke says there will be at least six celebrities and their professional dance partners on tour. Additional dancers will be hired to fill spots in the two-hour show where the celebrities are not performing. On the subject of celebrity partners, Cheryl says she has had great luck with the people she has been paired with and let's us know what the differences are between Lachey and Smith (While Emmitt has more rhythm, dancing came easier to Drew, who had a musical background).
Also discussed during the interview is the recent flare-up between former Dancing contestant Shanna Moakler and Paris Hilton. For the unaware (or the uncaring), Hilton alleges Moakler attacked her at a L.A. nightclub after she found Paris with her estranged husband, Travis Barker of the band Blink 182. Burke says it wasn't true. In reality it was Stavros Niarchos, Hilton's ex, who pushed Moakler down some stairs and threatened to hit her. Got all of that? There will be a quiz later.
The full interview with Cheryl can be found at this link.
Here's how it went down: Shanna says she was roughed-up by another useless slob and constant Hilton companion, Stavros Niarchos. She filed a police report saying Niarchos shoved her, poured a drink on her and pushed her down the stairs at a club. Hilton also filed a police report, saying that Shanna came into the club and-- unprovoked-- punched Paris in the jaw. Neither is confirming the other's report of the incident. I imagine both things happened and it started with Shanna punching Paris and Stavros defending Paris' honor. Ha, ha! Writing that made me giggle.
Joey and Edyta get the encore this week, and it's well deserved. Then the pros all come out to dance to Rebel Yell. I gotta say, if you have to fill 55 minutes of your hour, this is a good way to do it. They are very impressive when they get to do their thing.
Anyway... Emmit and Cheryl get things started with the encore performance of their Cha Cha Cha from the previous night. They're followed up by Tom Jones performing 'It's Not Unusual' while Louis Van Amstell and Karina Smirnoff dance. My guess is that Mario & Karina didn't get the encore because she was already scheduled for this performance. And the producers know they have plenty of weeks left to give them an encore.
Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris return as hosts. And if I can go off-topic for just a minute, I have to mention Breakfast Time. I've been a Bergeron fan since he hosted the best morning show that ever was. When Tom goes into the Hall of Fame he should be wearing his Breakfast Time cap. That said, they have eleven new stars ready to dance it up. Celebrity men danced the Cha Cha Cha while the women did the Fox Trot. Here are the couples and their results.
The second and third favored are High School Musical star Monique Coleman with 9-2 and bald Joey Lawrence with 6-1 odds. Least likely to win, according to the odds, is Jerry Springer, followed by Shanna Moakler, Willa Ford and Sara Evans.
Dancing with the Stars debuts tonight at 8 pm.
Thaaat's right, kiddies... the new group of has-beens, never-wases and out-of-place sports legends is now set to strut their stuff on the dance floor this fall, and this group is a doozy. We already knew that MSNBC's Tucker Carlson is participating, and there had been rumors that soon-to-be Hall of Fame running back Emmit Smith was going to be there, so those two aren't a big surprise. But we also get to see Jerry Springer, Joey ("Whoa!") Lawrence, Vivica A. Fox, Harry Hamlin (probably glomming on wife Lisa Rinna's success last year), Willa Ford, Monique Coleman of High School Musical, Sara Evans, Mario Lopez, and model and ex-Mrs. Barker Shanna Moakler (probably in the spot that was reserved for Beth Ostrosky).
Looks like it's going to be an interesting season. Maybe Emmit Smith will surprise everyone and win it all. Cowboy fans must be hiding their heads in their hats right now.
Did anybody watch this show? Does this come as a susprise?
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