I thought I had seen everything Mr. T has done, but this commercial is completely new to me. You should skip to the bottom of this post and watch it, then come back here for my analyzation. Okay, then.

So, the commercial starts off with a soccer game, and one player overplaying his injury a little too much. We cut to a scene of Mr. T driving a tank toward the soccer field. He smashes two cars along the way: did those cars have people in them? Mr. T does not care. Mr. T has bigger things on his mind: big, nutty chocolaty things.

David Blaine, the street magician turned superstar who proved that even the most amazing stunts can bore people to tears, will be attempting to yet again raise the interest of an increasingly uninterested public, this time by immersing himself in a "human aquarium" for seven days and nights. The stunt will conclude with Blaine trying to hold his breath underwater for longer than eight minutes and fifty-eight seconds, which is apparently the current record. Well, sure, it's the current human record, but what about sperm whales? Or heck, even crocodiles? In fact, maybe they should toss a crocodile into the tank and see which one can hold their breath the longest. Anyway, the finale of Blaine's newest attempt will air on ABC on May 8. At least this sounds somewhat more exciting than when he didn't eat anything for several days and called it "magic." That's not magic, that's called being a fashion model.