the real housewives of atlanta
And, it's back to the ladies of "Haterville," as Phaedra, the funeral home director-to-be (????), would say.
Except for a segment on absent fathers in which more tears were shared than insults hurled, the housewives continued to engage in a polite smattering of tiffs. In the end, the reunion was pretty uneventful, especially if you already caught the post-Atlanta 'Watch What Happens: Live' interviews this season.
That's apart from the whole funeral home thing. Kandi pondering a sex toy line wasn't as random.
What was most impressive to us was that both women talked non-stop throughout this entire argument, and yet they actually seemed to hear what the other was saying. It's actually a pretty impressive skill and something a lot of chronic complainers seem to struggle with.
NeNe, however, at one point actually let Kim say quite a few words without interruption. That was a courtesy Kim wasn't ready to give her at all. She let NeNe get six words into an answer to a question by moderator Andy Cohen before interrupting to call her a liar.
Piers had Deutsch take a few calls from women with relationship questions, and asked The Housewives to critique Deutsch's professional love guru skills.
When a caller asked Deutsch what the key was to keeping her man happy, one of the techniques Deutsch suggested was "to continually surprise him sexually."
This piece of advise elicited immediate groans from the Housewives.
Housewife NeNe Leaks was particularly critical of Deutsch's suggestion that women need to be ones keeping things fresh in the bedroom, eventually declaring, "Try something new? Why don't he try something new? He's still coming up with that same old size -- can it grow?"
There's only one way to settle this, because we don't really want to be the arbiters of this particular feud. NeNe and Donnie should probably just start co-hosting together, if you know what we mean.
Well, it was worth it to see dolphins swim past Andy Cohen's head at the Georgia Aquarium as he says "donkey booty." And we get a Part 2!
While Phaedra detailing the intricacies of booty types might be entertaining in and of itself, thanks to Andy for not glossing over the marriage license conspiracy. Cynthia possibly would have, especially since she was so gracious in her apprasial of the intrigue: "I know it was coming from a good place."
But that doesn't mean Cynthia didn't get cold feet on the season finale. "Time is just standing still, and all these things are going through my mind. I feel like I'm not ready to get married," she recalled.
"I didn't think Cynthia was showing up at the wedding," said Kim Zolciak. "The more time I sat there and waited, the more I was convinced she wasn't going to show up."
But, as the bride explained, "When I actually walked out and saw Peter, that was when I knew for the first time that whole day that I was doing the right thing."
Who'da thunk it? Familial subterfuge overshadowed the would-she-or-wouldn't-she question concerning Cynthia, the repeat runaway bride.
It was clear that Cynthia's mom and sister had pretty major misgivings about Peter -- enough to scheme in full view of the entire Bravo audience -- but exactly how many snafus, besides the hidden marriage license, were their doing?
Where did the wedding bands go, exactly?? Why did Mallorie keep saying she liked Peter when she obviously rejected him, in the end? Was it just Peter's finances (or lack therof) that she and her mother were afraid of, not him?
As it rolled into the Miami estate, the bus from hell seemed more sinister than any piece of stuffed wildlife or painted ceiling faun in the place. Phaedra would've done better to point her proposed "holy oil" in that direction.
In stark contrast to the whirling NeNe and defensive Kim, the centers of calm quickly became Phaedra, Shereé and Kandi. Forget Cynthia. Apart from the runway interlude, her internal struggles reigned supreme.
All the wedding
"Have you decided on if you're gonna go on a honeymoon or not?" Kandi Burruss asks innocently. Cynthia answers, "I'm not sure," and then buries her head in her hands and begins to cry.
Kandi is shocked. "I'm sorry, Cynthia. I didn't mean to ask anything that personal..." The bride-to-be says she's OK but excuses herself from the table.
Soon they're at each other's throats. Nene says, "I don't really care what goes into singing a [beep] song ... If I wanted to sing a song, I could, Kim." She counters: "Sing a [beep] song then!"
Nene doesn't. Instead the verbal tussle continues, with Nene calling Kim an "immature dumb blonde," and Kim calling Nene a "dumb bitch." Kandi half-heartedly tries to quell the argument by saying, "La-dies..."
The anger escalates, and Nene adds an aggressively pointed finger to the proceedings. Only when Nene launches from her seat and gets in Kim's face do the rest of the bus riders take action, finally pulling them apart.
['The Real Housewives of Atlanta' - 'Flamingo Road Block']
What better way to open than with Kim trying to light a cigarette off a tour bus griddle? The B-12 shot would surely make it all better.
Of course, what was meant to be a little riff on Kim's age to loosen up the stiff Jermaine Dupri, festered into a full-blown Kim and NeNe disease. Baby Ayden's well-timed barf could stand in as a succinct recap of this episode of 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta.'
On 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' (Sun., 10PM ET on BRAVO), things get heated on the topics of work and money, with Cynthia having invested a lot of cash into Peter's restaurant Uptown.
"In a relationship, you want me to listen to you? You have to listen to me," says Peter. Cynthia responds, "You think you listen to me?!" He counters, "Man, I'm selling my restaurant -- I don't even want to."
She stands and starts gesticulating. "Do not sell the restaurant if it's because of me ... I don't even want that hanging over my head!" Meanwhile, the counselor can't get a word in.
Phaedra might actually need to write a book on country rituals. First the coin-on-bellybutton thing, now the answer to her New York 'Real Housewives' counterparts' step-and-repeat: The sip-and-see. What's next?
Her (kind of) heart-to-heart with Kim was rather unexpected. She was even kind enough to lure her out of her own post-baby celebration (or coronation, as Dwight would have it) with the promise of a cigarette break.
Phaedra Parks berated Kim Zolciak for gossiping about the fuzzy math surrounding Phaedra's baby due-date. "You don't have to be chatting about what's going on with me ... I don't run around talking about, you know, Big Poppa's in foreclosure, because that's none of my business," said Phaedra.
Kim countered, "I don't talk about your husband being a convict." Phaedra interpreted the heated banter as a win in her favor. "Miss Kim seems to be backing down because she knew I was a crazy black woman," she said.
OK then, who's ready to relax?
'You have a friendship contract and you're getting married with dinosaurs. It's something wrong with Cynthia.' - NeNe
Things that were surprising, even at the end of the season:
1. Kim's face without makeup
2. Phaedra's supposedly copious database of Miami-based male strippers
3. Cynthia's plans to get married beneath a T-Rex and brontosaurus
Par for the course: The argument at the spa, especially centering around baby due date-gate. Yet, really, why did it all land on Kim's shoulders? Everyone else, including NeNe, wouldn't dare to open their mouths, even after they'd been talking trash for weeks. But Kim knew why Phaedra came at her specifically, so at least she wasn't totally at a loss.
They're "done" with each other. Headed towards divorce. Foaming with passive aggression. Pulling weaves. Hitting poles. They are the beloved stars of Bravo's 'Real Housewives' franchise.
These ladies love to fight, whether woman vs. woman, group of women vs. woman, woman vs. man or man vs. inanimate object.
Here are our top 'Housewives' feuds of 2010.
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