Awards shows are just an lazy way for networks to eat up hundreds of minutes of airtime. They also sell big chunks of advertising that no one will see because the kind of people who watch every single minute of airtime either never leave their house or don't have the cognitive faculties to understand the concept of money.

The worst of the worst is the Tonys. They seem to go out of their way to make the whole affair uninteresting and over the heads of their viewers who are located outside of the Broadway area, give or take a few blocks. Why even air them? Is there a beet farmer in Bumblecrack, Ark. who just can't wait another night to find out if Hope Davis took home the Best Actress nod for 'God of Carnage?'

This year, an orange glow of hope came down from the heavens when the people behind the awards show offered the hosting job to Conan O'Brien, an honor he turned down just as fast.