thetribehasspoken

(S19E03) If I had my druthers and could choose which weirdo to watch take over Survivor between Evil Russell and Ben "Coach" Wade from last season, I'd surely go for Russell. Don't get me wrong. I don't like Russell. I wouldn't invite him over for dinner or send him a birthday card. But he's playing the game and, despite saying he's not there to work, he works around camp and at the challenges. However, his expertise in work at camp is playing mind games. Wade did diddly. Now if only I knew what a druthers was.

(S19E01) CBS just came off the highest-rated season ever of Big Brother. Will they be able to repeat the deed with Survivor: Samoa? You know, it's very possible that they just might do it. That is, if the season premiere is any indication.

Right off the bat, they gave me a reason to watch (other than I write about the show). I want to see Evil Russell knocked down by a woman. He's not to be confused with Good Russell, nor Russell on Big Brother. Nor even my brother, Russ. He's nasty, I tell you!

(S18E12) Would you prefer what's in the covered dish or what's behind Door Number Two? Okay, I lied. There is no door, just the dish. But, just think a minute ... if there was a door, perhaps Coach would be behind it pledging his never-ending Dragon Slayer hot love and devotion to you! That would make it all worthwhile, wouldn't it? This was the Survivor auction week, always a world of gastronomical goodies. What I'd like to see is Coach on a platter at Tribal Council. Is that asking too much?

(S16E02) "Get a hotel room," Jonathan says.

Let's keep in mind that the castaways on Survivor Micronesia have been together for four days as this episode was filmed. Now, that's plenty of time for true love, isn't it? And, the fact that it's airing on Valentine's Day makes it all so much more romantic, right? How touching, how sweet!

Well, unless it's only hot jungle sex noises under the fronds surrounded by rats, that is.

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(S15E11) Is it possible for Courtney from Survivor China to lose any more weight? I think my bones are fatter than she is. Okay, I understand that she's always been a thin person, but this is getting downright skeletal. Todd isn't doing all that much better. In Todd's case, his head is too big for his body now. Well, his head is pretty big because he thinks his game play is all that, too.

You see, if you go in with a healthy weight like Denise, you remain much more substantial should you make it near the end. If I were ever to go on the show, I think I'd prefer to go in sturdy and use the show as a weight loss program. But to go in skinny is just silly.

(S15E07) Oh, I so love it when karma comes around and bites someone in the butt, don't you? Tonight's Survivor China had such a moment that it's destined to go in the show's archives as a classic, yet hilarious, blunder.

It was Yau-Man Chan's original plan during his season gone into motion through sneaky actions and dumb mistakes. And, after watching tonight's show, it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person.

We all saw the promos. Instead of being as smart as she thinks, it turns out that Jaime might be more dumb than anyone ever thought possible. After all, I didn't think she was dumb. Well, not until ...

(S15E06) Now that I've been reviewing Survivor: China using the actual episode titles, I have to worry that the world might run out of exclamation points. Everything is always so ... so ... emphatic in these titles. Perhaps the castaways, Courtney in particular, should save energy and not exclaim so much. I mean, after all, there has to be wasted calories, right? Todd doesn't have much meat on his bones, either.

At least it won't be a reenactment of the Donner Party, I guess. Although that might be better than the seasonal gross foods challenge which took place in tonight's episode.

Finally, one of my wishes might come true: Survivor is seriously considering moving the show to a colder climate.

Canada, to be precise. Host Jeff Probst reveals that show creator Mark Burnett is thinking about doing the next season in Canada, because they're running out of jungle/island places to go to. They probably aren't really running out of places to go, but after a while all of these places start to look and feel the same.

Probst is worried that a colder place would a.) be worse for the bodies of the contestants and b.) you wouldn't have chicks in bikinis. Well, for the first concern, I think that's the reason to do it. Give these contestants a challenge the other contestants of other seasons never had. And for the second concern, I have the solution.

Hot tub!

Seriously, the show needs a kick in the pants, and a colder world would really reinvent the show a bit.

[via TV Tattle]