thirteen

(S05E11) "Merry Christmas, Cuddy." - House to Cuddy on the potential adoption of her new baby

Once again it's Christmas at Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital. Or, rather, it was Christmas at a Princeton-Plainsboro of an alternate reality. That's because our favorite characters were opposite of their normal selves. Foreman was out of House's shadow, Kutner was angry, Cuddy came up with the diagnosis instead of House, Thirteen was smiling, and House was ... House was ...

(S05E09) Here's a bit of irony for ya. Before this week's episode of House began my family was in a lockdown situation of its own after someone, either a home invader or home owner, knocked out seven shots during the early afternoon right down the street from us. The police came along and ended up doing the yellow tape thing around the area, keeping the rest of us from going out until their fugitive search and investigation were done.

Sure, no one had a gun pointed at us. And, I wasn't in a hospital. And, I didn't have to take a series of drugs in order to prove they were safe. But, I was stuck in my house for over two hours. So, you know, I can relate. With that, let's get to this week's "very special" episode of House.

(S05E08) What is Foreman's role in House's little kingdom? From the deep recesses of my dusty brain I recall a conversation he had with Cuddy that his job was to be some sort of monitor to make sure House didn't, you know, rip the lungs out of a live patient just to make sure they were really and truly pink and healthy. But, to be honest, I haven't seen much monitoring going on over the last few episodes.

I have seen lots of sitting and moping and an all-around indecisiveness in Eric since he returned to Princeton-Plainsboro. Maybe he was regretting the decision he made, maybe he was still trying to learn from the feet of his mentor, or maybe he was reliving his past life as suicidal County General doc Dennis Gant from ER. That may have changed this week as, finally, he decided to branch out on his own.

(S05E05) All right, all you pervs! Calm down, calm down! You've all had a chance to see the promo that FOX distributed to promote this week's show and you all gave me a keypad-full on what you thought. So, just put it back in the place where you usually have it stored and let's move ahead with the review.

So, how about that examination scene, huh? Yowsa! Now that was porn! There was so much sexual tension it was oozing out of the screen. I'm surprised I didn't hear 'Bow-chicka-chicka-bow-bow' in the background -- the usual precursor to an extended sex scene. Not, you know, like I'm familiar with that genre of film. I mean, I've never seen a porn movie in my life. Ever. Hey, don't look at me that way!

Ahem. Sorry about that. Let's...uh...let's get going with this week's review.

Dear Hugh Laurie,

Hugh (can I call you Hugh?), do you know how the next episode of House is being promoted by FOX? The show that you executive produce and spend hours and days getting just right? Care to give a guess? Okay, I'll let you know. . .porn.

Not like the porn you get online, or porn you find on Cinemax. We're talking about over-the-air, PG-rated network porn. To be more specific, FOX is featuring a promo of the show (seen after the jump) with the first 43 seconds of a girl-on-girl scene starring Thirteen and her 'one-night-stand' that eventually gets sick and becomes the week's Mystery Patient (coming out soon as a board game by Milton-Bradley). I understand that network executives may be catering to the base feelings of the average male viewer, but I'm sure there is an equal, if not stronger, female base that may be a bit disturbed about this preview.

Take a look yourself, Hugh, and let us know if this is the way your show should be promoted. Oh, and the rest of you can tell us as well.

(S05E04) "Bubbles" -- Thirteen

"Is that your new stripper name?" -- House

And so, one chapter of Dr. Gregory House's life ends and another one begins...again. Together, these life-changing events may lead to a kinder, gentler diagnostician who will befriend his colleagues, treat others on the staff with respect, and prevent him from making constant lewd remarks to Cuddy.

Bwah-hahahahahahahahaha! Oh, I slay me! Kinder and gentler? Bwah-hahahahahahaha!

Here we are, two seasons removed since House disbanded his trio of cronies to find a new batch of talented doctors to humiliate, and some things haven't changed. Things like House's acerbic nature, his addiction to pain pills, the hospital he works at, Cuddy's very long legs (men, I'll give you a moment...okay) and the weekly patient who has a medical condition that can't be solved until the very last moment. Oh, there is one more thing that hasn't changed...the opening credits.

I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but Jennifer Morrison, Omar Epps and Jesse Spencer (Cameron, Foreman and Chase on the show) don't really have star status like they used to. Heck, sometimes they aren't even on the program. They have been replaced by Kal Penn, Olivia Wilde and Peter Jacobson, who now do the diagnosing. Yet, these three can't get a break. They just get an 'Also Starring' credit after the opening credits roll. Gosh, the original three members of House's team are still shown walking behind him as the credits end.

(S05E01) "This is Dr. House. He's too brilliant for introductions." -- Thirteen to House's patient of the week

Another season of House, another patient with a mysterious ailment. If there is one thing that has not changed in the five seasons that this medical procedural has aired it is the fact that someone is going to enter Princeton-Plainsboro with an illness that can't be determined until the very last minute. It's why House is still on the air. Well, there's that, and then there's the fact that Hugh Laurie is a damn fine actor. Oh, and the others on the show don't do so badly themselves.

So, what can one viewer look forward to for this new season? If you think same-old, same-old then you would be absolutely, totally....incorrect. Because things are a-changing in Greg House's universe -- actually have been changing since the death of Amber in last season's finale -- that he can't, or won't, stop. The result? Well, I would be writing my own death sentence if I revealed it to you here. So, come and join me for a recap of this week's episode.

Thirteen/WNET and Ghost Light films named Billy Crystal host of the new documentary series Make 'Em Laugh: The Funny Business of America. The six-hour documentary, which will air in January 2009, will explore the tropes of American comedy and chronicle its evolution.

The comedian will appear in the opening of each episode and introduce viewers to the funniest moments in American entertainment. Some of the comedic talents that will be featured include: Charlie Chaplin, Jack Benny, Abbott & Costello, Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Sid Caesar, Anne Beatts, Woody Allen, Larry Wilmore, George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Richard Lewis, Jon Stewart, and Chris Rock.

A day hasn't gone by where we haven't received some sort of tip or email asking us, the TV Squad, how to get on [insert reality show here]. Unfortunately no, Simon Cowell does not work for us, and Donald Trump isn't my BFF, so we really can't help all that much.

The folks at RealityWanted.com often send us a list of new and existing reality shows that are looking for new, er, talent, and they've given us permission to make mention of them here. We'll try to make this a regular feature as often as we get a new list.

This time we have Trading Spaces, The Newlywed Game and other new shows.

(S04E12) "People don't change." -- House, who mentioned it several times.

So Wilson is going out with Cutthroat Bitch (aka: Amber), huh? And, for awhile all is well. That's a pretty good record for Wilson, and devious as hell since he was able to keep it from House for so long. Of course, there is now a challenge for Greg to figure out why Amber seems such a catch for his best friend.

Manipulation? Well, that's a possible answer since Wilson is directly connected to House and can be the avenue to get her a fellowship. Revenge? Certainly, especially the way the good doctor treated Amber during the competition. Actual love and affection for Wilson? Nah, couldn't be! I mean, that would just be ludicrous coming from someone who was only concerned about herself during the game. Come on, doesn't anyone remember when she got all of those candidates to stop washing House's car and walk away from the competition? Plus, according to House, people don't change.

(S04E10) "Who's that from?" -- Kutner

"Santa, of course. Don't you know that I worship him? Oh wait, that's Satan. Sorry, I get them confused." -- House

Well, maybe it was the fact that I haven't seen an episode of House in nearly two months, but dear ol' Greggie seemed more cynical than his normal cynical self. Most likely it was due to the holidays. You know, the holidays that came and went over a month ago. I know that FOX is trying to save as many episodes of its hit shows as possible, but it would have been nice if they aired the House Christmas episode around, you know, Christmas.

%Gallery-14885%

(S04E09)"Well, at least the games are over" -- Cuddy

"How well do you know me?" -- House

It's over. After 8 episodes, 40 some-odd candidates, and one dead patient House's new team has been picked. And, I'm pretty sure the results weren't too much of a surprise to those who have watched the competition from episode two. So, the winners are...

Now, why would I want to mention that in the first two paragraphs of this review? If I did that then all of you who have yet to see this week's episode of House would be at the virtual doorstep of my virtual house with virtual pitchforks. If you haven't watched the episode yet but are dying to know who the finalists are then jump ahead. Otherwise, hold off a bit until you watch and then marvel at the way I make the episode come to life in my review. Or, just bash me like normal.

%Gallery-10992%

(S04E07) All right, back in the saddle! Thanks to the wonderful and beautiful Jen Creer for taking over the last two weeks. I will be guiding you through the world that is House this week and next. Then, who knows? If the gods of television are listening everyone will come to their senses and the Writer's strike will be over before Christmas.

If not, well then you'll see reviews of Marcus Welby, M.D. every Tuesday at this time. Let's pray that the strike is over soon.

%Gallery-10241%

(S04E04) Wilson -- You're quite impressed with yourself right now, aren't you?

House -- Who wouldn't be?

After a brief baseball break, House returned with a pretty decent episode. Not only did we get to see a further fleshing out of the new characters, but also witnessed additional connection between the old and new team members. Plus, we found out that trying to find a job outside of Princeton-Plainsboro when you worked for House was not the best thing to do.

%Gallery-9020%